u/Brandinator1821

I (42F) broke up with a man (42M) last Monday because he went with a woman to see Star Wars movie and did not tell her he had a girlfriend. That was just the final straw though, or almost the final straw.
First of all, I want to say that he’s an incredibly nice guy, driving 2.5 hours from Nashville to see me each month. He made me feel special, for a minute, and he helped me out of an incredibly abusive marriage.
However, he valued fantasy more than reality. He was so distraught over a relationship that he never even had that he told me multiple times over the past seven years that he could not love me like he loved this friend from his youth, someone he’d never even been with.
But I put up a fairytale facade in front of my marriage so I understood it, and I accepted it. So that part is on me. However, after hearing it off and on since I was around 35 years old (and I’ve only been divorced 2 years, but he made sure to let me know before we were even together, which should have been my first clue to bolt), I couldn’t handle it anymore.
After the Star Wars thing, he drove down to where I was because I was hurting so badly. He bought me flowers, which he’d never done before, he hugged me and comforted me… and then he reiterated it again and again until I snapped and kicked him out of my home. I boxed up his games, and I carried them out. And I acted cold, but inside I was dying.
Then I blocked him on everything. I just can’t see him anymore. I can’t look at him, I can’t know him.
I feel like a ghost but I’m not even that. I feel that way because I’m unseen, but I’m standing right in front of him. But I’m not even, for I won’t even haunt him. He’ll be haunted by a fantasy, and I’ll eventually fade away. Which I will accept, but it is killing me and has completely destroyed how I see myself.
TL;DR: I’m the blackness you experience when you don’t dream.

I (42F) broke up with a man (42M) last Monday because he went with a woman to see Star Wars movie and did not tell her he had a girlfriend. That was just the final straw though, or almost the final straw. First of all, I want to say that he’s an incredibly nice guy, driving 2.5 hours from Nashville to see me each month. He made me feel special, for a minute, and he helped me out of an incredibly abusive marriage. However, he valued fantasy more than reality. He was so distraught over a relationship that he never even had that he told me multiple times over the past seven years that he could not love me like he loved this friend from his youth, someone he’d never even been with. But I put up a fairytale facade in front of my marriage so I understood it, and I accepted it. So that part is on me. However, after hearing it off and on since I was around 35 years old (and I’ve only been divorced 2 years, but he made sure to let me know before we were even together, which should have been my first clue to bolt), I couldn’t handle it anymore. After the Star Wars thing, he drove down to where I was because I was hurting so badly. He bought me flowers, which he’d never done before, he hugged me and comforted me… and then he reiterated it again and again until I snapped and kicked him out of my home. I boxed up his games, and I carried them out. And I acted cold, but inside I was dying. Then I blocked him on everything. I just can’t see him anymore. I can’t look at him, I can’t know him. I feel like a ghost but I’m not even that. I feel that way because I’m unseen, but I’m standing right in front of him. He can see me, but he can’t SEE me, if you understand. But I’m not even, for I won’t even haunt him. He’ll be haunted by a fantasy, and I’ll eventually fade away. Which I will accept, but it is killing me because it’s so fresh, and has completely destroyed how I see myself. TL;DR: I’m the blackness you experience when you don’t dream.

I (42F) broke up with my boyfriend (42M) last night because he went to the movies with a woman and did not tell her of my existence. I’m tired of being a secret friend. I feel like everyone is ashamed to be seen around me. My own ex-husband didn’t tell people he drilled with that he was married. That’s just a minor issue, anyway. When I try to explain how it feels, men just protest without changing. I’m so sad. I don’t know how to process this because for the most part I am alone. I may be hideous, I’m not sure. I get asked out often enough but maybe I’m just not worthy

TLDR- I’m a ghost