u/Breezy-15

Sorry if this is long. I just could use some advice from a man’s point of view on my recent situation.

After losing my boyfriend in a traumatic way I had a very hard time dating again. I met a guy that I had been chatting online with, we had some mutual friends and we really connected immediately. Our first date was 6-7 hours long.

On our 1st date he spoke about all this future stuff and on 2nd date he said how he’s so happy he met me and he’s been trying to find someone for a while and hasn’t connected with anyone. I wasn’t initially that attracted to him, but because we connected so well, that was why I agreed to the 2nd date. At first he seemed like maybe he was self-conscious, and when he spoke about his feelings on 2nd date I didn’t really say anything. So when I didn’t hear from him during the week I thought I will reach out, maybe he was not sure if I was into him. He replied immediately and all seemed fine. When it was about to hit the one month mark and I will say we are close to 40, so I feel like I (and I thought him) are on a faster track vs when we were younger, I was wanting to see where he was at, not the ”what are we“ talk, just are you into this still? Because he would spend a whole day with me on the weekend, but then silence all week unless I reached out first.

Well he ends up ending things with me on that call saying he’s not sure if he wants to get married ever or have kids, although I never spoke that, only he did. I have been played by guys before so I really do not think he was bsing me, which is why I’m so confused to how things ended.

For a few weeks I was still texting him and then I found out he was still very active on the dating app. he had told me the day he dumped me he deleted. So I started thinking maybe he was never self-conscious, he actually just has an ego that I fed when he would ask me things such as ”what did you think of me when you saw me online”, and so every time I texted him it was maybe continuing to feed his ego.

So a couple of weeks ago I was going out with friends on his side of town which is about 45 min away from my area, and he was going to meet up. Well then when I told him I was there he was acting weird and pretty much blew me off. He did text me later that night around 11ish, but per my friends advice I didn’t reply because it was 5 hours after my last text. So it’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t allowed myself to reach out. Of course I still have very strong feelings and am upset on how much I opened up to him about my past and he sorta misled me apparently on what he wanted.

Do guys like this have the capability to feel something for someone? Or are there men out there who just like the constant validation of who “swipes right” and don’t have any intention of ever just settling for one woman? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was hoping after me not reaching out for two weeks after we spoke every week since we first started chatting online in January, maybe he would reach out. I can’t explain it, but there was a strong connection with him that I haven’t felt in a long time, and if I continue to not allow myself to speak to him, I was hoping at some point he will realize all these online swiping gets old at some point, and will reach out to me.

Is it an absolutely crazy thing for me to think and I am sitting here heartbroken while he hasn’t thought about me at all?

Sorry this is a bit long.

Maybe someone that reads this can help me understand my situation, because it makes no sense to me on what happened. I will start out with saying for many years I wasn’t able to go on more than one date with a guy because I was still grieving from losing my long term boyfriend in a traumatic way.

Every now and then I would get on a dating app and earlier this year a guy reached out and we talked back and forth for about a month before I agreed (after some hesitation) to meet him. We had the longest first date I have ever had, we clicked immediately. He seemed so sure on what he was looking for because he was talking about future stuff already on the first date. I wasn’t sure if I was as attracted to him, so when he wanted to plan the next weekend already on our first date, I told him I’ll get back to him. Well I ended up deciding to go on another date because of how well we connected, and our second date was long as well and I started feeling myself becoming more attracted to him.

We dated for about a month after first meeting and I thought it was a bit weird that except for the first week, he didn’t reach out during the week at all. If i texted, he would reply, but not one hi, good morning, nothing. I had gotten the feeling maybe he was a bit insecure because he spoke about his feelings towards me a lot on 2nd date and I didn’t really say anything. On the 3rd date I was more open about my feelings and he said nothing back, and then the following weekend I asked him if we can talk because he was confusing me on how he felt.

I was not trying to have the “what are we“ convo, just more like how do you spend a whole day with me and then literally say nothing all week. Well he ends up ending things with me on that call saying he isn’t sure if he wants to ever get married (we are both 39), and he still has things he wants to accomplish. So at this point I was heartbroken because I really opened up to him about my traumatic past and if he felt like he didn’t see anything with me, why put me through that emotional rollercoaster?

For a few weeks I was still texting him about how heartbroken I was until I started realizing maybe he doesn’t have self esteem issues, maybe I am just feeding his ego? Because I noticed he is still on the dating app he told me he was deleting the day he ended things with me. It is really impacting my life because of what I went through in the past I guess and him being the first man I cared for since losing my previous bf. I just don’t understand how he could go from talking about this amazing connection we have to you probably want to get married at some point and I don’t know if I want that so I’m ending things. I don’t understand what happened? I literally just asked him why can’t you text me maybe once a week after spending a whole day with me?

Two weeks ago he was going to meet up with me when I was on his side of a town with some friends and then he pretty much blew me off and didn’t text me till after 11, so I didn’t reply to him because It was 5 hours after I had told him I was there. So my friends told me to stop texting him, and if he sees I don’t reach out, maybe he will reach out to me. Last weekend he didn’t say anything and I’m starting to think that I’m going to be waiting for something that won’t ever happen?