The Demons Who Fail first chapter [LGBTQ+ Crossover YA Dark Fantasy, 1000 words]

I appreciate you giving your time to an old dragon’s book. Few of us write about the deadly plague on humans and the witch hunt on demons that overlapped in 2021.

Call me Uncle. Four demon kids were eager to share their experiences of the Academy of Stupid Demons, depraved human companies, the COVID-19 pandemic, and better, and worse. A scholar, a salesman, a fraudster, and a death keeper.

Then you have me, living in quiet safety until I couldn't anymore.

###

Part 1

Let's begin with Francine's story. She chose her deadname and pronouns for the beginning to show how she found herself. In some ways, she's still looking.

#

Frankie woke up to the best morning he ever had in Hell. He had a quick breakfast of fertilized scrambled eggs, threw on his glasses, brushed his black hair, and then whistled through the neighborhood while flapping his tentacles with excitement. Even the devastatingly bright five-pointed star in the sky hadn't bothered him, nor the ever-present odor of trash planted in the soil, because today was the demon licensing test. 

Most kids were scared to take the test, since failure means a thousand-year sentence to the Academy of Stupid Demons in Cafcado, Arizona. If only they studied more and played less, they might have Frankie’s confidence. He had studied every day for a century, learning as much as he could about Earth's arts, sciences, and obscure trivia. Here was his chance to finally worry only about starting work and preparing himself for any life he could want.

He met Golthard at the edge of the school. Golthard breathed heavily through both of his mouths. "I had another nightmare where I failed the test and red gorillas tore me to pieces."

Not an uncommon nightmare. The red gorillas of Hell are powerful enough to destroy any demon. They can smell failure, which is quite sweet and sometimes enough to provoke deep hunger, but their main targets are those who don't brush and floss on a regular basis. Due to their ferocity, they pair well with bad dreams.

Golthard added, “Worse, they all sounded like my dad."

Frankie put a comforting tentacle around Golthard's shoulders. "Buddy, buddy, you take too much care of your teeth for that to happen."

Golthard's seven green eyes were all bloodshot and weary. It seemed like he needed this pep talk before going to bed.

The two demons approached the back side of the school, a steel building with broken windows peering down on them and whispering unintelligible questions. The door spoke to them in a hiss. "Only one of you may enter at once, or else you both will face punishments you can't imagine."

Golthard started crying. "Okay, okay, I'll go first!"

Frankie was proud of his friend's courage. The crying demon had been terrified and yet he did not run. Frankie was not scared at all, but of course he was ready for anything.

In very little time, Golthard came back out. His seven green eyes were the happiest Frankie had ever seen. "I passed! I'm certified!"

Frankie wrapped his tentacles all around Golthard and jumped up and down with him. "You are! You are! I knew you could do it!"

"You got this, Frankie. You'll beat it right away!"

Frankie swaggered into a room covered in white tiles. At the center, three hanging lightbulbs formed a triangle around a rotten human head hanging from a chain. The Head looked at Frankie through empty eye sockets, and blood ran from its mouth to a drain in the floor as it spoke. "Are you prepared, child? Do you know the questions are randomized for each test?"

"Easy peasy!"

The Head slowly laughed. "On Earth, what sound does a dog make?"

"Woof."

"Good. And what is Earth's tallest mountain?"

"Everest."

"Now sing the Spanish version of 'Happy Birthday' without messing up even once."

As Frankie sang Feliz Cumpleaños, he felt disappointed. Why had he studied so hard?

At the end, the Head said, "Excellent. Now if you integrated the indefinite integral of x squared times the cosine of x, in terms of y, then derived that integral twice by y, what would the number be?"

In a tiny voice, Frankie said, "Could you please write that?"

"Certainly." The head lowered itself to the floor and used its bloated tongue to write the equation in blood.

Frankie knew multivariate calculus but he couldn't recall how to do integration by parts. Panic set in.

"One more minute."

Frankie had an epiphany. This was a trick question. He drew a triumphant breath. “x squared times the cosine of x!”

The Head paused and looked in Frankie's eyes, while Frankie grinned and waited for the certificate. The Head released the nastiest “bzzzt” of any buzzer that Frankie had ever heard, and a different paper grew out of its mouth. An admission to The Academy of Stupid Demons. A legal declaration of his stupidity. The Head said, "You have no choice but to study for one thousand years. Spend one week with the people you love and care about. You then must board the bus or we will hunt you down.” 

Frankie's heart broke, having betrayed himself. One hundred years had been wasted for this day. Frankie left the testing center, with a sour stomach and wet eyes. Both of his tentacles trembled and squeezed the paper that called him stupid. It was only outside that he realized there was a second derivation. The correct answer was zero.

A red gorilla peered at Frankie from behind a nearby gas station (Circle 8), sniffed the air, and gave a satisfied sigh.

Golthard ran up and hugged him. "We did it! We did it!"

Frankie didn't have the strength to hug him back. "See you in a thousand years."

Golthard struggled to lift his limp friend, so he encouraged Frankie by saying, "Let's have some ice cream at my grandma's house. You earned it.”

reddit.com
u/Brent-Zayla — 2 days ago
▲ 23 r/writers

What would you say to the version of you that got started?

What would you say to yourself at the instant in time you decided to take writing seriously?

For me, "Heads up, four novels in with a fifth one on the way and no acceptances yet, but keep the weird bullshit coming because weird bullshit won't stop making you happy."

reddit.com
u/Brent-Zayla — 2 days ago

[Complete][66k][LGBTQ+ Crossover YA Dark Fantasy] The Demons Who Fail

Hello,

I'm seeking beta readers / critique partners (willing to swap for up to 100k words, any genre) for a short, queer, dark fantasy YA novel. Please DM!

Though I am part of the LGBTQ+ community, I am nonetheless cisgendered and I am especially interested in working with trans readers because the protagonist, Francine, is a trans girl.

TW: Pandemic era, public shootings, child trafficking, transphobia, partner emotional abuse.

Logline: After studying for 100 years, a demon trans girl fails a test and must study for 1000 years at a school with endless subjects including Partying, COVID-19 Healthcare, and Fatal Accidents

Description:

Francine, the scholar, failed the demon licensing test when her mom wanted her bright future.

Shoozie, the death keeper, failed the test when her soul-bound ex girlfriend demanded her success.

Marlar, the fraudster, failed the test on purpose to run her scam.

Golthard, the salesman, passed the test. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened.

In 2021, the three failures were trapped in the Academy of Stupid Demons for endless classes, unpaid internships, and the occasional fatal accident.

Call me Uncle. The paranoid old dragon they all confessed to.

---

What I'm looking for:

* Is Francine's trans identity handled respectfully and responsibly, being integral to who she is while not being her defining feature?

* How is Golthard's arc compared to other antagonists who start as innocents?

* Does the frequent POV rotation work for this novel?

* How is Uncle as a narrator and as a character?

Timeline: 4-6 weeks

reddit.com
u/Brent-Zayla — 3 days ago

[Complete][6.5k][Explicit M/M Dark Romantasy] - He Takes Less Blood Than I Think

Hello,

I am seeking eyes for a queer, sexually-explicit dark romantasy short story, "He Takes Less Blood Than I Think." What I want to know most is if the darkness and the sexuality both strengthen the story with neither of them detracting from the other.

I hoping to get feedback within 7-10 days, and I am more than happy to swap manuscripts up to 9k words with the same turnaround time.

Description: A publicly-beloved human-vampire marriage fractures as the sweet creature abuses the rules of his hunger.

TW: Gaslighting, domestic violence (property damage).

Excerpt: Damn it, Lupe. Girl knows how to ruin my appetite.

She planned this nice lunch at Cocinita Bonita because, quote, “Baby Fobbie made it on Janelle!”

My dumb ass believed it. This was the woman who picked the day after my high school graduation as an excuse to get together and whine about her man.

Started nice enough. Cocinita's always a great place, tortas to die for. I ordered a carne asada torta with extra meat. Of course she said, “Ooh, extra? Are you not getting enough of something?”

I let that one hang in the air.

She laughed at her own joke. “Don't be nasty, I'm talking about iron.”

I rolled my eyes. “You got me.”

She stopped laughing. “I didn't get shit.” The air pressure tightened. “Mamá had to die first, huh.”

Wham. I cleared my throat and stood up. “Food's not here yet, so uh, adiós.”

“Wait wait wait, hold on, I'm sorry.” She snorted. “I'm sorry.”

I hovered over my seat. “Okay, if you don't come at me about Mamá like that.”

“Fine.” She dabbed her eye with a napkin. “Then why didn't you tell her – or any of us – that Raúl is a vampire?”

I lowered my voice. “She was barely used to her son being a maricón. Not enough time to tell her this.”

“Okay, fantastic. You could have told me. But no, you told the whole fucking world.”

Our plates arrived. Too late for me to back out again, but I was already getting too full of anger to fit anything. “Sorry. I fucked up. Can we move on?”

“I can't. My students have been asking me about you every single day. This one girl asked, ‘Miss, does your brother know he's going to die?’ and all I had was, ‘Maybe.’” She dabbed both eyes.

“We've been married for five years. Am I dead yet?” I forced myself to take a bite of torta, even though Lupe was nauseating me.

“Didn’t Tía say something like that about marrying an alcoholic?”

Last straw. I abandoned my plate.

She had to win. “Why don't you ask her ashes?”

reddit.com
u/Brent-Zayla — 9 days ago