u/BrickEmotional741

I'm 43, my fiancé is 39(F), been together 2.5 years, engaged 6 months. We currently live apart (1h) but was hoping to fix that next year. About 3 months ago, I felt a change in her. Maybe, a bit distant? Nothing huge at first, but I felt it. About 3 weeks ago, I brought it up and everything fell apart. It was like a switch flicked and she became a different person. "Distance was taking its toll", "don't see a future for us", "this won't work out". And not even a, "let's sort this out". Just, "I think this might be over". I've been giving her some space since then, we've still seen each other a bit, but more focusing on just reconnecting while she's working through how she feels. But in that time it's become more apparent she's not happy in ANY aspect of her life, not just us. She feels disconnected from everyone and her feelings. I was already worried she may be suffering through depression.

Today she saw her psychiatrist and yes. ADHD and Depression. Starting meds soon for ADHD and she will need to work with a psychologist for her depression. Which stems from childhood trauma and her first marriage to the most horrible man. She has no self worth. Right now, it feels like she's bottoming out. She can't seem to find any hope or joy in anything. Not me, our future, her work. She's even closing off to her kids (she has 3, so do I).

I love her. So much, I still want our future together. The one we've been building towards for 2.5 years. But the woman she is now is a shell of her former self. I want to support her through this, no matter how long it takes. But I don't know how. And how do I do that while still respecting what I want and need from a relationship? There's a good chance she may even say she want to end it (the relationship). Which is fine if that's what she wants, but I won't give up on her until she gives up on us.

Help?

I'm 43, my fiancé is 39(F), been together 2.5 years, engaged 6 months. We currently live apart but was hoping to fix that next year. About 3 months ago, I felt a change in her. Maybe, a bit distant? Nothing huge at first, but I felt it. About 3 weeks ago, I brought it up and everything fell apart. It was like a switch flicked and she became a different person. "Distance was taking its toll", "don't see a future for us", "this won't work out". And not even a, "let's sort this out". Just, "I think this might be over". I've been giving her some space since then, we've still seen each other a bit, but more focusing on just reconnecting while she's working through how she feels. But in that time it's become more apparent she's not happy in ANY aspect of her life, not just us. She feels disconnected from everyone and her feelings. I'm worried she may be suffering through depression. She also has undiagnosed ADHD, but she's in the process of getting diagnosed (takes a bit in Australia) and then looking at medication. If that doesn't help, her doctor would like to explore depression and anxiety.

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be supportive. Giving her space, time and not much pressure as she works through this. I've told her I don't need a solution from her, just her willingness to try and work through all this together, as long as it takes. Which, she hasn't committed to yet. I'm worried whatever she's going through is mental health related and our relationship may become collateral damage as she works through her issues. But also, this is hard on me. My heart feels heavy and tired as I carry this relationship seemingly on my own.

Does anyone have experience working through mental health issues with their partner while their partner seems hell bent on detaching emotionally and sabotaging the relationship?

TL;DR: Partner going through mental health issues, sabotaging relationship. I'm struggling.

I'm 43, my fiancé is 39(F), been together 2.5 years, engaged 6 months. We currently live apart but was hoping to fix that next year. About 3 months ago, I felt a change in her. Maybe, a bit distant? Nothing huge at first, but I felt it. About 3 weeks ago, I brought it up and everything fell apart. It was like a switch flicked and she became a different person. "Distance was taking its toll", "don't see a future for us", "this won't work out". And not even a, "let's sort this out". Just, "I think this might be over". I've been giving her some space since then, we've still seen each other a bit, but more focusing on just reconnecting while she's working through how she feels. But in that time it's become more apparent she's not happy in ANY aspect of her life, not just us. She feels disconnected from everyone and her feelings. I'm worried she may be suffering through depression. She also has undiagnosed ADHD, but she's in the process of getting diagnosed (takes a bit in Australia) and then looking at medication. If that doesn't help, her doctor would like to explore depression and anxiety.

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be supportive. Giving her space, time and not much pressure as she works through this. I've told her I don't need a solution from her, just her willingness to try and work through all this together, as long as it takes. Which, she hasn't committed to yet. I'm worried whatever she's going through is mental health related and our relationship may become collateral damage as she works through her issues. But also, this is hard on me. My heart feels heavy and tired as I carry this relationship seemingly on my own.

Does anyone have experience working through mental health issues with their partner while their partner seems hell bent on detaching emotionally and sabotaging the relationship?

TL;DR: Partner going through mental health issues, sabotaging relationship. I'm struggling.