u/Briefly_Unfilter

Hi I'm M32, I know it's not common for men to be sexually ashamed which is why after gathering a lot of courage I'm asking this. My mother has always been very conservative and religious to the point of insanity, always viewed sexuality and any interaction with the opposite gender as a sin, she never let me talk to friends and actively tried to break my friendships. There have been moments where I've felt extremely embarrassed because of my mother's reaction, there was one time, me and my cousin (female) were watching a Hollywood movie at my house and a bedroom scene came up and guess what, my mother barged in at that exact moment and got extremely angry and shouted in a loud voice "are you watching dirty movies behind my back?" She scolded both of us and complained to my cousin's mother about this and she never came back to my house again.

Another time when I was younger around 13-14, I had a morning erection, but I was naive. My mother saw me like that in my pyjamas and immediately slapped on my private area, it was so painful and my mind went blank. There was another incident where a girl used to come to our house for tuition classes to study from my sister and sometimes she would ask about me but several times my mother lied to her about me that I'm not at home even when I could hear her saying that from my room. There was nothing going on between us but my mother for some reason just treated it like she might be sexually interested in me, like I know India is a very conservative country and anything sexual is a taboo subject still for the majority of people but I'm just really tired and frustrated at this point, I'm an adult now and looking to settle down in life but I don't know how to remain calm when talking to women I feel like I'm always being secretly watched by my mother, I can initiate a conversation but I start to panic, get anxious and slowly start getting uncomfortable when things start to move forward and get serious. I unintentionally ruin things before they move forward, I pull myself back thinking I might get judged to show any interest and it could be perceived as sexual. Basically I'm sexually ashamed, traumatized and afraid of intimacy.

I know this might sound funny or not like a big deal to many people but it's really affecting my life, my mental peace and my ability to form connections (especially with women), like in my mind every interaction with a woman is automatically labelled as it might turn into a sexual interaction eventually and I start panicking, it affects my confidence, and forcefully pushes me into isolation. I would really appreciate any suggestions, help, advice regarding this. If I said something I shouldn't have said, I apologise in advance. Please be respectful in the comments 🙏🏻

Btw man here... don't DM me thinking I'm a woman you'll be disappointed.

It has become so normalised to hate and rant about the opposite gender on the internet that the situation seems so hopeless. You can't just talk normally to anyone. Everyone seems in "attack mode" all the time like wtf...dude? Can you chill for a bit? Maybe drink lemonade so you feel hydrated, it's so difficult to talk to women on dating apps, social media, reddit etc. everywhere it's the same story. I suppose it's the same for women as well too many guys want to talk to them and most don't even know how to talk normally.

I just want to be able to spend time together and enjoy life with my partner on the basis of kindness, love and mutual respect. Is it too much to ask these days? 🤷🏻

I'm a man, trying to understand women better. I believe sometimes people unintentionally offend someone or make them uncomfortable especially in a country like India where boys and girls are kept separate from a very young age. Their life experience is so drastically different from the opposite gender. I'm not talking about toxic men but just the normal decent men who do or say something that makes you disinterested or uncomfortable without them realising?

Edit: Looking at downvotes on my comments, it seems like I myself don't even know what I said that makes women uncomfortable 🤷‍♂️ Btw thanks to all who commented, it was great learning experience although a bit rough but still better than knowing nothing.