r/DesiMingle

I am 21 M, an introvert, and recently had a breakup. Actually, I got cheated by my ex. I trusted people easily and got my reward. Still, I don't hate her. It's her choice of life. Being empathetic is my way of life.

I’m a 23-year-old guy. I’ve been working out consistently for over 3 years and training heavily in Muay Thai. I’m also in mechanical engineering, read a lot, and over the past few years my entire lifestyle, mentality, appearance, and discipline have completely changed compared to who I was in school.

I’ve been single for over 2 years now, and honestly the more structured and disciplined my life became, the more disconnected I started feeling from most people around me.

When I try talking to girls, I rarely meet someone whose lifestyle or mindset aligns with mine. Most people I come across are into partying, clubs, drinking, casual stuff, etc. Nothing wrong with that, but it just doesn’t resonate with me anymore. I’ve even lost a lot of my old social circle because my priorities changed so much.

Now I’m wondering if this is just part of growth, or if I’m becoming too disconnected from normal dating culture. Does becoming more disciplined and focused naturally make dating harder because your standards and values shift? Or am I unintentionally isolating myself and expecting too much from people?

Curious if anyone else went through this.

I'm a single guy ,28M, never been in a relationship or even really talked much to girls in life– super awkward/introverted, desi family pressures, all that usual stuff. While traveling in Southeast Asia , I ended up doing things I'm really ashamed of now.

I have for a long time, tried to go to meetups, only am able to talk to the men. I get intimidated by women and so have able been able to bond with women in any way possible. I tried getting on dating apps and marriage apps but there generally got very few matches with girls and got rejected by girls when I told them about the experiences below.

Lost my virginity in Thailand (paid service). It wasn't that I had gone to Thailand for sex. I was exploring Thailand and had landed upon a strip club, there I had taken a liking to a stripper and then she invited me and her friend for a threesome paid sex and drunk me obliged. There, I could only have sex for 10 seconds with condom and after that blood started coming from my foreskin, so had to stop after 10 seconds and had applied cream to heal the wound. I think it was somehow due to friction between foreskin and condom. So, it was a traumatic experience for me.

Had sex once in a massage parlor in Vietnam. Like above, it was not planned, I was just there for chilling, was just tired and had gone to maasage parlour, and they asked for boom boom and I couldn't say no.

For over a year, on an average of twice a month, I went to various massage places in Bangalore for handjobs or body-to-body rubs(basically making out but only kissing shoulder and boobs) – no penetrations or bjs, but still paid services.

Everything was with consenting adults (as far as I could tell), I was single the whole time, no cheating on anyone. I never went looking for underage stuff or anything violent/forced. But now that I'm back in India, the guilt is eating me up – cultural shame, family values, wondering if I'm "damaged goods" or a bad person.

I have gotten std test for it and it is negative for all. Also, I have stopped this habit from quite some time.

Could this come back to bite me somehow (like if it gets out)?

More importantly, women, How would you feel if a guy you're considering for dating/marriage/arranged setup admitted this? Is it a dealbreaker forever? Does it make me seem like I objectify women, or just lonely and pathetic? Would you advise total honesty in AM setups, or bury it and move on? Has anyone dealt with similar regrets from guys in their circle?

I know that what I have done is shameful and have quit it. I also want to know whether there is some redemption for me. Also, I did ask each masseuse or stripper whether they were below 20 or trafficked , they did say no to both. Still, I know what I did is shameful and ick and disgusting and doesn't make anything right, but maybe could anyone please how can I help any victims of abuse from my side for the same?

I am truly sorry—for reducing anyone to a transaction, for any unseen burden or discomfort caused, and to every woman (affected or not) who feels disgust, anger, or disappointment because of choices like mine. You deserve respect and full humanity, not this.

TL; DR : Took handjobs for a year in India. had sex once in Thailand and once in Vietnam, all above at massage parlours. Filled with regret now, how would this impact my future chances of marriage? What can I do to redeem myself from this ? I have gotten std test for it and it is negative for all. Also, I have stopped this habit from quite some time.

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Looking for a strong independent woman who can handle the world… and occasionally handle my UPI balance too 💅😂

I earn well, but nothing hits harder than getting ye lo baby, pocket money from my own Lakshmi ji 😌✨

Manifesting a partner who says: Bartan dholo i said done.

Kapde sukhao i m already on it.

Sabzi le aao i m on the way.

Down to earth hu yaar, jo bolegi karunga 🤝

People call it joru ka gulam…

I call it ✨ premium subscription to peace, love & homemade happiness ✨

Need a woman who is independent, bossy in a cute way, emotionally mature, and rich enough to spoil me a little while I pretend to resist 😭❤️

Equal rights means: She gets princess treatment

And I get weekly allowance 😂

21M

Too bored and not sleepy, is anyone here for a chat? Let’s talk then. We can talk about anything which you like so just text me or comment here

Before you ask, no, I'm not 25LPA+

I'm at bit lower end, but stable, no debts, SIP chalu hai, life sorted enough.

Fraud Investigator by job (so if you're planning to scam me, bad idea !!!)

6ft+ if that helps my case here.

Did vietnam recently, japan next on the list, I like exploring, especially local food, not luxury flex travel.

Job is chill, I value peace more than hustle culture tbh.

Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do unnecessary drama either.

Not a party person. more into normal things conversations that don't feel forced, random walks, trying new food places.

Music/movies mostly international, bollywood thoda kam.

I'm a bit reserved initially but straightforward. no ghosting, no games.

Not looking for timepass / situationship. just someone genuine, sorted, and normal (rare combo here I guess)

If you've read till here, you're already above average effort !

Dm kar lena, let's see if this works 🖖

Kal ek dost se milne jaana hai. School life mein bas ek hi female friend thi aur honestly uske saath bhi kabhi fully comfortable nahi ho paya.

Main thoda introvert type hu aur girls ke around zyada naturally behave nahi kar pata.

Jisse milne ja raha hu woh kaafi chill/jolly nature ki hai, hints bhi deti rehti hai like indirectly “bahar chalte hain”, “ball pe jaate hain” and all 😭

But problem ye hai ki mujhe flirting, teasing ya funny convo naturally aati hi nahi. Kabhi experience nahi raha.

Overthinking bhi hoti hai ki awkward na ho jaun ya boring na lagun.

Toh genuinely batao — girls ke saath comfortable kaise hote ho? Aur first meet mein kya karna/avoid karna chahiye?

M40, Indian, Mumbai

High-libido married guy looking for some real spicy, no-strings fun.

My wife has very low libido — we’re talking below-average, almost motionless sex maybe once a month. I’m energetic, passionate, and craving a woman who actually enjoys moving, moaning, and getting properly fucked.

If you’re in Mumbai (or visiting), discreet, and want hot, regular encounters with a fit, clean, well-hung guy who knows how to satisfy, slide into my DMs.

Open to ongoing FWB or occasional wild sessions. Age, looks, and marital status don’t matter as long as the chemistry and desire are there.

Let’s make up for lost time. DM me.