u/Bright_Quiet1796

I'm planning my wedding and currently have nothing to do. The things that are booked and set are booked and set, the things that aren't just aren't because I'm waiting for them to get back to me or things to be delivered or whatever else. And I have no idea what to do with myself. There's no phone calls to make, nothing to buy or book or orginize. I should be happy to have a moment to relax before the next round of preparations hits but I'm just lying here feeling anxious and restless. Like I should be doing something. I've gone over every checklist and there is nothing to do right now.

Is that normal? Did other people experience this? What am I supposed to do with myself?

maybe some people relate? Idk if I'm looking for advice or just sharing for the sake of sharing, Wanting to feel validated. Maybe just a vent?

Planning our wedding has been a shocking eye opening experience for me when it comes to the people around me. I'm trans masc, I came out when I was 14, had a relatively easy coming out process with my parents and immiate family. Generally it's been my family and some extended family is aware of who I am, have no issues with it, respect me, but don't acknowledge it. As I've gotten older, become an adult, my own person, it's become more and more comfortable, something we talk about a little more openly at home and with family. Same with my finances family, they were accepting from the very begining, clearly a little confused and unsure what to make of me for a while but never crossing any lines and generally receptive to explanations about queer culture and stuff.

When we told our families we were getting married his parents instantly had an issue. Saying things like "well why does it have to be a gay wedding your not really a man?" And many much more hurtful things. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, their very blunt people maybe they didn't realise how hurtful a statement like that can be. But even trying to respectfully explain that yes this is a gay wedding because we are both men even though I'm trans they wouldn't back down on it. Eventually they did and they semaed to understand but it was heartbreaking to realise that all this time this is how they've seen me. That it's a burden to them to call me by my name or use my pronouns. (Their own words, Even though those were the only pronouns or name they ever knew me by) It's frustrating and I'm angry but more than that I'm hurt. I'm aware that I'm not "passing" and people misgendering me doesn't bother me so much it's more that sorta betrayal feeling that I thought they were seeing me for who I was but this whole time they wernt.

When it comes to my family it's been a little less clear and dramatic but that "betrayal" is still there. Hearing my mom mention to someone "well it doesn't matter it won't be binding anyway" when talking about the details of our religious ceremony.

Or having them say their not inviting some of their friends because they "don't want to put them in an uncomfortable position". I don't specifically want my moms old highschool friend at my wedding but to know I'm "too complicated" for her to even tell her friends I'm getting married hurts more then I thought it would.

Having people who I thought were good friends say they couldn't possibly come to "that sort" of wedding.

Having my parents sit me down and beg me to limit how much I explain to my grandparents because they don't want me to upset them.

I've heard similar comments before, I've experienced much much worse than these comments due to my gender identity but for some reason nothing prepared me for how much these things hurt. I know Im lucky to even have my family at my wedding but I'm really having a hard time seeing the bright side here. It sucks.

* to be clear because I've already gotten a couple messages hating on my finance, he's been incredibly supportive especially when it comes to standing up for me to his family. boundaries have been set, rules have been layed out, I'm mostly just left with that icky hurt feeling because of what was said.

What are all the random little things I need to plan for?

I don't have a moh but I have a group of unofficial bridesmaids and groomsmen who are happy to take on responsibilities. For example I have someone who's job it is to bring extra deodorant, socks, pins, sewing kit. During the event I have a designated friend to be holding and keeping track of our phones, another one who's job is be nearby with perfume and eye drops (wearing contacts), those kinds of things.

I like to be very organized so I'm trying to make the most comprehensive list of things I need to bring and small things I need someone to take care of (like phones and eye drops) what are all the little things I need to think about?

I was never huge on social media never really posted or anything but I always had accounts mostly for scrolling or keeping up with other people In my life. I slowly downsized over the years to where I pretty much just had Instagram. Because i never posted or engaged it was generally easy to get rid of everything else but I deleted Instagram over a month ago and am still struggling with breaking the habit of opening my phone to scroll.

Like I'm bored, nothing to do and I'll automatically go to my phone to scroll through puppy videos on Instagram and then not know what to do with my hands when I realise I can't do that anymore. I didn't realise how strong of a habit it was I took pride in being relatively not addicted to social media I didn't realise how wrong I was.

Idk if it's just me or if other people feel like this also but my mind is still blown by being an adult. I'm well into my late 20s so this isn't something new.

But like what do you mean I can just go buy a beer if I feel like it? Or even more simple, I can just drive to the park and hangout with ducks if I want. I have a husband? That's crazy. I was having a hard day last week so I just went to the store a bought a whole cake Caz I felt like it.

I know it might be weird, this is just like basic human free will stuff but sometimes it feels insane to me.

I kinda bounce between that and the feeling that my life isn't everything kid me thought it would be. I'm not a Dr astronaut firefighter or anything and I don't eat candy for breakfast and stay up all night watching TV. alot of my life is working, cooking, cleaning, and stressing about money

I'm not complaining my life is incredible I love every part of it and I'm so grateful for everything I have. it's a just a weird feeling I have sometimes that I'm trying to put words too.

Right now my main question is how many venues should we be looking at? Idk how many wedding venues we should be researching, how many of those we should be reaching out to, and how many of those we should actually visit and set meetings with. I've done basic research on probably around 100, reached out to only 1 or 2 so far because I'm unsure which are worth reaching out to. Obviously not the ones that are clearly put of our price range, but some the price range is very vague do I reach out to the ones that look like they might be out of our price range just to check? Or just write them off? And the ones that are in our price range but don't love as much as some other ones, do we check those out too? How many should I shortlist to actually visit and sit down with? Idk if it's a dumb question or maybe I'm missing something, wer the first in both of our families to get married and we have no idea what wer doing. Right now I'm stuck on the venues issue but any advice on wedding planning in general would be appreciated

I'm "older" gen z and have alot of complaints.

Mainly I just want the gen z hate to stop. But on the other hand I love making fun of younger gen z and gen alpha so idk.

It's the small stuff and the big stuff.

No I'm not being selfish I just refuse to put up with the bullshit you had to.

I'm not being lazy I'm just not overworking myself for someone else's benefit.

I don't "not want to work" I just don't want to work a soul crushing job a billion hours a week and still not be making enough to live off of.

And the silly little things as well.

"You don't know what it was like to grow up without a cell phone"

News flash, not everyone got a cell phone the moment they became available. I didn't even see a cephone until my teens, let alone actually use one.

"You always had the internet" again, nope. Just because it existed doesn't mean we all grew up with it.

Your lazy can't spell or write cursive. No I can't spell or write in cursive Caz I'm dyslexic not because i never learned how and no I won't put effort in to be better at it because it's a useless skill nowadays

This and that random cultural moments and memories that I keep getting excluded from even though I had the same experiences!

I love being gen z and I love the experiences I grew up with.

It just frustrated me that we decided an arbitrary date means you couldn't have experienced certain things. Like life is pretty fluid, all of Humanities experience didn't instantly change in one day. And sure I know there are differences I'm not trying to say we have to pretend their aren't I just think everyone needs to chill a little.

The world is changing, people are changing, maybe it's bad and maybe it's just different who knows, and honestly who cares? Wer specks of dust in a gigantic universe our existence means literally nothing. let people be happy and stop shaming and gatekeeping.