He doesn’t have friends (13m)
My 13-year-old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and isn’t on medication. One thing that’s been weighing on me is that he doesn’t really have any close friends outside of school.
When he was younger, I always tried to respect his boundaries. He had a lot of anxiety about playdates whether it was having kids over or going to someone else’s house. He’d get invited, but always say no. Eventually, the invitations stopped coming.
Now, he’ll occasionally text with friends someone, but it’s never an actual conversation. He snaps with kids. He doesn’t , play online games with he prefers gaming by himself. Honestly, he seems perfectly content hanging out at home with our family. We do a lot together, and he’s engaged and happy when we’re all together. He’s a really good kid.
What worries me is that I feel like it’s important for him to have at least one peer his age to go through the teenage years with.
The confusing part is that I know he isn’t isolated at school. I’ve worked closely with his teachers this year while getting his IEP in place, and they all describe him as very social. He sits with other kids at lunch, talks a little too much in class, and seems to get along well with his classmates. If we run into kids from school, they’re always genuinely happy to see him and say hi. He says hi back, but then immediately gets embarrassed (I’m guessing because he’s with his mom?)
I keep wondering if I made a mistake by not pushing playdates when he was younger. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by respecting his anxiety and his boundaries. Now that he’s 13, I’m obviously not going to arrange playdates for him, and I don’t really have friends with kids his age anyway.
Has anyone else experienced this with their ADHD teen? Did friendships develop later? Is there anything I should be doing, or should I just trust that he’ll find his people when he’s ready?
I’d really appreciate any thoughts or experiences.