u/Bright_side11

Going through a divorce after a 20 year marriage where I ended up being the higher earner. He wasnt always a deadbeat but in the last 20 years, drinking, mental health and a failed business lead to inconsistent work and effort to contribute to our finances. Emotional abuse was there too and I just couldnt keep holding it all together anymore.

He's underemployed during our separation and still living in our home because he won't move out while my kids and I stay with family (long story, CAS involvement..). I've been carrying all of our bills and mortgage but his spotty work attendance has meant little to no contributions toward these. It is sinking me financially.

Ive been trying to keep things out of court to keep costs low, figuring out our separation agreement with a lawyer and the sale of our house because I just plain cant afford it. Doing things this way keeps them cheaper but it also means Im at the mercy of someone who has no incentive to move this thing along quickly. He also does not want the relationship to end which complicates things.

The part that keeps me up at night is the possibility of having to support this man who has been so cruel emotionally and neglectful financially, with spousal support for many years to come. Im seeking that we both waive spousal support in our agreement and have told him so.

Has anyone (women) come out the other end of a situation like this intact and not supporting their ex forever? I see a lot of stories about people who did have to, and am just curious if it ever goes the other way. Looking for some hope if you've got any to spare.

Going through the early days of separation and have had some pretty crazy shit thrown at me. I expect it all, but that doesnt make it any easier.

Last week, I found out my mom has cancer which came on very suddenly. While at emergency with her he started texting me asking why I dont ever come by with the kids to see him.I let him know it wasnt a good time because of where I was and he backed off.

Sent him an update the following morning about her diagnosis and he was initially very sympathetic. A few hours later comes a text telling me he hates me and to f*ck off because he can't see our kids any more (they dont want to, CAS is involved.. lots of reasons). Oh, and also that he quit his job because he's so lonely but doesnt want to be around people any more (?).

Icing on the cake that day was a facebook post with a single middle finger directed at no one, and then another with the same sentiment, but tagging a family member of mine that had called him out on a public lie about me earlier.

He usually uses his own mental/physical/emotional state as the focus in his hoovering ("come help me", "i cant do anything on my own" kind of thing). I honestly believe the rage came from realizing that im genuinely preoccupied with someone else's health and recovery for the next while and his own fabrications will just have to wait.

Anyone else experience this?

I'm writing this from a friend's basement, and really just looking for hope this morning. I left my home with my two teenagers three nights ago and know there is a better life for us coming.

Long story short, I am the main breadwinner but the home is jointly owned. He is not physically abusive, but is extremely volatile, emotionally and verbally abusive if he gets caught lying or isn't getting his way. I called the police during an explosive episode, with our kids and their friends present, but they could not make him leave as he hadn't hurt anyone. He barricaded himself in our bedroom and screamed, threatened and swore at them for over an hour before I was told there was nothing they could do so we should be the ones to leave.

For anyone who was the main breadwinner and has all payments being taken frim thei accounts like me, how did you protect your finances and right to your home when you had no choice but to leave? Has anyone been successful having their partner removed from the home? Its crazy that my kids have to live like this because of this man.