AIO for distancing from my bsf bc of her age gapped relationship
I 19M and my former bsf 19F have been friends since early highschool and had a strong bond ever since. she was always involved with my family since she wasn’t very close with hers. our bond was almost sibling like and we grew very close. during graduation time last year we fell into a rough patch but communicated and fixed it. during that patch we weren’t talking for about a month and she ended up meeting a guy at her new job. this guy ended up being close to 40 years old, we’ll call him josh for the sake of the story and my friend kate. josh and kate both work the same serving job and became very close. Josh is older and has TWO children under the age of 8 from TWO different women. when she told me about him i thought it was a little crush she had that wasn’t mutual at all. over time she spoke more about him and they ended up going on a few dates. now yes, i know she is of age and there’s nothing lawfully wrong with this situation but it just does not sit right with me. not just because of the age gap though, there’s much more.
A couple months pass of dates, working together almost every day, and casual car hook ups. josh finally ends up asking her to be his girlfriend. Kate ended up being very excited telling me the news since she actually liked him very much.
One day kate calls me to inform me that she did a little background check on the guy. turns out he was previously arrested a year before they met for DV with his second baby mother. with doing some more digging she found a comment on a facebook post of another ex of his claiming the same thing.
Now, when kate confronted josh about what she found he claimed the reason he got charged was because cause the ex was doing it to him and he took the blame for it. i thought it was a little sketch because two women said the same thing against you and you’re saying you just “took the blame”. of course, blinded by love kate believed him and went on with the relationship.
But, since josh’s second child is on the younger side and he has custody. he is still in contact with the woman he took the blame for. kate sent me a video of this woman acting absolutely insane and having to be held back by people to not go crazy on josh. hearing this kinda contradicts my thought of him lying about taking the blame since this woman is clearly a piece of work.
Anyways, obviously this mess meant nothing to kate and as months passed they end up moving out together and very soon after that he proposed. by the way, this all happened in the span of 8 months. meeting, moved out, engaged all in 8 months of knowing this girl who is still a teenager. they met when she was 18 and she turned 19 about 5 months after.
They seem happy and all and i’ve hung out with them a few times. he seems like a genuine guy but this whole thing just doesn’t sit right with me. i have come to understand the appeal to her. 19 and you meet an older guy who’s interested and gives you that freedom. you get to leave home and everything, i get it. i would understand even more if he had more money but they work the same job. what i don’t understand is the appeal to him to be ENGAGED to her, especially so quickly.
This has caused me to be kinda iffy about it, i know it’s not my business but i care for her. i’ve stopped calling and replying to her texts. we don’t talk as much but i still worry because i know once they break up she’ll come crawling back to me crying.
am i overreacting or is this really that bad?