Has anyone here tried couples therapy with a manipulator/narc/financially controlling spouse?
We did 6 months of online work 3 years ago, and it helped a little… until the cycle resumed. I’d like to try in person therapy, as I’m close to wanting to leave, but I’ve been told to avoid it (due to his abusiveness) by several friends/family.
I have just recently fully realized that my husband of 20 years has been emotionally and financially abusive... for years. And it's been getting worse. I want to leave him, know it's best, but two factors are making me stay: 1) I have no money- so I'm trying to put some aside, but it's slow going; 2) my kids (ages 13 and 17). I was 14 when my parents divorced, and it really negatively affected my adolescence- I always told myself I would never do that to my kids. My husband and I are both educators and work at the same school (he's a very popular, caring teacher)-- the very same school my kids also go to. It's about to be my son's senior year. I keep telling myself to just hang in there, lay low, save money, but it feels really unhealthy and hard. My kids have witnessed so many of our fights, his yelling at me, and his put downs of me. It feels like they don't respect me, because he doesn't, and he has "trained" them to follow his lead. I'm physically feeling the stress, feeling super isolated. I am in therapy, and my family and friends are supportive. I just don't know how much longer I should hang in here for the kids' sake. (For what it's worth, I'd have to leave on my own, as I doubt my kids would go with me due to their "training" OR I'd have to get a protective order and have him leave, which would also be traumatic for the kids.)
TL;DR: If you've escaped emotionally abusive marriage with kids, especially with teenagers, I welcome any and all advice and insight. Thanks :)
I have just recently fully realized that my husband of 20 years has been emotionally and financially abusive... for years. And it's been getting worse. I want to leave him, know it's best, but two factors are making me stay: 1) I have no money- so I'm trying to put some aside, but it's slow going; 2) my kids (ages 13 and 17). I was 14 when my parents divorced, and it really negatively affected my adolescence- I always told myself I would never do that to my kids. My husband and I are both educators and work at the same school (he's a very popular, caring teacher)-- the very same school my kids also go to. It's about to be my son's senior year. I keep telling myself to just hang in there, lay low, save money, but it feels really unhealthy and hard. My kids have witnessed so many of our fights, his yelling at me, and his put downs of me. It feels like they don't respect me, because he doesn't, and he has "trained" them to follow his lead. I'm physically feeling the stress, feeling super isolated. I am in therapy, and my family and friends are supportive. I just don't know how much longer I should hang in here for the kids' sake. (For what it's worth, I'd have to leave on my own, as I doubt my kids would go with me due to their "training" OR I'd have to get a protective order and have him leave, which would also be traumatic for the kids.)
TL;DR: If you've escaped emotionally abusive marriage with kids, especially with teenagers, I welcome any and all advice and insight. Thanks :)