I am fed up with my husband's style of parenting. In my opinion, it's lazy and harming our toddler. Of course, there are two sides to every story, so if I'm out of line please tell me.
Basically, he's the classic pushover parent with our 2.5 year old. I don't even feel that he's just spoiling her though because his only motive seems to be to do whatever it takes to stop her from crying so he can get back to his phone/napping/TV.
My biggest complaints right now:
He never cooks or prepares her food. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are always random fridge snacks like yogurt, crackers, cheese, deli meat, etc. I'm the only one who attempts to cook new and different things for her because I know it's important to expose her to things, and I feel guilty if she isn't at least offered a hot meal once a day. He says he doesn't know how to cook like me and the closest he'll get is canned soup or chicken nuggets which I don't think count. Worse, she refuses my food knowing she can have snacks as a backup.
He lets her whine constantly. I try to step in and tell her, "Daddy can't understand you. Can you ask again in your normal voice? Say, 'Up please.'" With me, she knows she has to correct herself, but her dad doesn't enforce it. If he's around, it's constant melt downs and whining because she knows he'll give in.
He drags out conflict and panics at emotions. Basically, if she's crying it's just a constant stream from him of, "Oh no! What's wrong? Do you want a snack? Let's play with this toy! Let's look out the window! Here eat this! Do you need a hug? What's wrong? Let me tickle you!" It's so overstimulating for both of us. I've tried explaining that she just needs a minute to sit with the feelings and calm down, but he just doesn't seem to understand. While leaving to go to the store or something, if she cries for him he'll immediately delay and draw out the departure for half an hour. I end up snapping at him to just go already because she calms down the moment he leaves.
He won't pay attention to her. Every single night he's 'accidentally' falling asleep on the couch. We work the same hours, he just stays up late playing video games. He'll play cartoons for her all day just so he can sit on his phone and scroll. My toddler is all over me the second I walk into the room because I'm the only one trying Instagram activities, having her help me with dinner, bringing her outside for walks, sitting on the floor and playing with her. I've tried redirecting like, "Mommy is done reading, Daddy will read this book," but he doesn't get the hint. I tried implementing a no phone during the evening rule, but he just sleeps or watches TV instead.
Honourable mentions: Sleep routine took him 2 hours until I stepped in and sleep trained, he didn't think toddlers needed baths until I enforced it, and every transition (potty training, clothing size up, toddler bed, etc.) is on me to research and implement
Basically, I feel like I'm fighting against him at every turn to parent our daughter in a reasonable way. I don't know what to do because all I feel is resentment now.