I am confused most of the time. She keeps me that way.
Me m52 and my wife f47 24 years married have had problems for years and she has always been successful at blaming me and after fights I usually fold and accept all the blame and that is what has always worked for her. She creates scenarios and circumstances that are unique and if I express even one concern or say that I don't like it she rages and blames me for everything. For back story, My wife always complains about everyone. Everyone at work is mean or bad or she can't stand them. This is daily. She comes home everyday and dumps how bad everyone has been and how she just can't stand them. She goes to church and leaves complaining about everyone. I, as a husband have always assumed that she was sensitive so I listen and usually agree or offer reasons why people may be just human. If I dont agree though she gets mad so I usually just go along. So for this example, about three weeks ago her coworkers announced that they were having a retirement party for a member of their team. She immediately started to complain about how she didn't want to go, wasn't going to go and she just wanted out because everyone was a jerk. The complaining was daily. After two weeks of listening to it I declared that I certainly wouldn't go if it was going to be that bad. So three days before I told her she should just go, pop in and express congratulations and leave. She said that was her plan. She continued talking about everyone poorly. She said she would leave no later than 7, that she wasn't going to drink and wanting to ease her trauma I made plans to spend the evening with her when she got home and that I would make her feel better by giving her a massage. So on Friday at the end of her day she calls me before the party very ho hum and not really sharing much and then says she wanted to call her mom real quick before she goes in to the party at 5:15. We say goodbye and I start setting the house up for a romantic evening. 15 minutes later she sends a text saying her phone is dying "I must have forgotten to charge it last night" (she is always anal about keeping her phone charged for work and she spends a lot of time in her car) and she says she won't be able to call me. Immediately I am confused and wondering why even send that. Then at 7:15 I realize something is up and I send a text that says "this is dumb"
She doesn't reply until 8:15 but at this point i have given up and disassembled the massage table. She drives home and drives 20 minutes and comes home and commences to screaming at me for controlling her life, not letting her have fun with friends, that she cant even have a drink because she has to rush home to her insecure husband and that I am jealous, and that she just wants to kill herself. She kept getting in my face screaming. She later said that she went off because when she first asked why I wrote "this is dumb" and that the look on my face was hateful when she asked me why i would send that message. I'd say my look was shocked. I remained calm for most of the screaming. She later said that she only got mad because I was calling her a liar about the phone and that's what made her mad. I was just trying to say that her car reminds her when her phone is low and the phone has a message to plug it in when it's low so I didn't buy the story. Her phone was at 40% when she got home. In the argument she spun 9 kinds of sideways even screaming something about how she was upset that her phone died because her cousin who is 2000 miles away was dying (she never has talked with her cousin for the 15 years that she has had cancer. We have had these problems before. Last May we had a big fight because I discovered that she had been sneaking off to go see a friend (female) for two years secretly. Waiting for me to go out of town to meet up with friends but then lying and saying her phone was turned off. (All confirmed with text messages). I am so tired of being controlled and gaslighted. I don't know how to respond anymore. It's like I have completely lost myself and I don't know who I am anymore. Will this ever change.