u/Brown_Eyed_Girl167

Background: I have two amazing loving parents and have three siblings. Sister (26), brother (24) and sister (26). I am going no contact with my 26 year old sister.

We have had a very bad relationship since she turned 14. She started using drugs and alcohol at a young age and started partying. Caused intense arguments between her and my parents. The house was full of yelling almost always. She doesn’t get along with my brother and he hasn’t talked to her in over three years. My youngest sister is civil and lives her own life.

Me and my no contact sister: one month it’s all good. Next thing I know she’s given me a concussion. I block her. She apologizes. We repeat this cycle for what it seems for 22 years.

Here’s where it gets tricky. She has a lot of mental health issues and substance use issues. This causes her to be very temperamental and I try to be patient because I’m a therapist and her sister but it never worked, only backfired. She’d hit me and emotionally abuse me and verbally. She’d apologize. 2 months ago she got liver failure and almost died. She tried repairing things when she came back from the hospital and when I heard she might die I lost it and wanted to repair because at that point we were no contact.

We went no contact 2 and a half months ago because I told her I was getting engaged soon. She erupted, we fought verbally and I said hurtful things back. She dislikes my fiancé because he’s not rich. I blocked her.

There’s been a lot of jealousy from her towards me. I lost all the weight, I’m engaged, and doing great in my life. But she struggles with many things. Including being apart of the family. Shes identified herself as the black sheep of the family.

She graduated and started doing better and we were too but it was always short lived. Tonight my cousin and his family wanted to celebrate my birthday. And refused to come to my birthday dinner. No idea why she came to this celebration for me. On the car ride home with my parents she started yelling at me for no reason and said very hurtful things so I said (not proud at all) that she’s lucky to be alive. She said she was going to kill me and my fiancé. She kept going off on me until we reached my parents house. Tried to physically hurt me. Then trashed my room and pictures.

I said that’s it to my parents. No contact forever moving forward. She can apologize and I’ll never forgive her or talk to her. It’s over. I have two siblings now.

How can I successfully manage never speaking to her ever in my life or helping her when my parents can’t and are gone? How do I let go of her and all of the memories (good and bad)?

Has anyone cut off just one member of their family? Thank you

I’ve been diagnosed since age 15. I’m almost 36 in a few weeks. From gaining so much weight to medication changes to finding the right medications to constant sleep issues to going from severe depression to hypomania and being fully blown manic twice and going through mixed episodes and severe irritability… I find stability sometimes but it never lasts.

I have a good treatment team. Right now I’m depressed. I gained 10-15lbs after losing 100lbs because of the medication change and we took it out and now every day is a battle.

Every day I need to assess the following: what is my mood like (am I depressed? Irritable? Elevated? Hypomanic? Stable? Angry?) why I feel this way. How much restful sleep did I get? How long have I been feeling the way I do? Do I need another therapy appointment sooner or psychiatry? Who can I talk to? Nobody understands.

Every day I have to aim for (not happiness) but stability. It’s not working out. I need another medication change. I’ve not been sleeping well over a month (vivid dreams and nightmares waking me up multiple times a night). I am clinically depressed. My relationship is adding huge amount of stress. I feel all my life’s trauma resurfacing… I thought I processed it all… guess not.

I would love to no longer have this illness. Not self monitoring my moods every day and hour of the day. I’m tired of crying often. I actually miss a slight hypomania.. I don’t have much energy and I’m very negative lately… I don’t feel comfortable in my own body… and I just want to collapse.

I write in my mood journal every day to track. It’s been looking bad all the month of April. My birthday is on the 16th and for the first time I’m dreading it.

I can’t be elevated. I can’t be down. I can’t be stressed… every day I have to overcome the battle of my own mind and be strong. I feel like I no longer have it in me to keep fighting and managing this illness.

I don’t know if anyone is in the same boat as me but I’m just exhausted… if anything I just long for happiness… not hypomania euphoria or manic euphoria… true happiness that’s “normal”. Nothing is helping right now… I feel very defeated.