I don’t even know if I’m explaining this right, but I’m just tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.
I have a big family, and everything kind of falls on me. From the outside, it probably looks like I’ve got it handled because things get done and life keeps moving.
But there’s no off switch.
Even when I sit down, I’m not actually resting. I’m thinking about what still needs to be done, what I forgot, what tomorrow is going to look like.
And when something small goes wrong, like I fall asleep when I didn’t plan to, I don’t think “I needed rest.” I think “I messed up.”
That’s how my brain works now.
The only time I feel like a person is late at night when everyone is asleep. And yeah, I stay up too late, but it’s the only time that feels like mine.
I love my family. I really do. But I don’t think people talk enough about how you can love your life and still feel like you’re drowning in it.
I’m not even really looking for advice. I think I just needed to say it somewhere.