u/Bts_JKJMRM

I cannot really walk away from something I know isn’t suited to me but at the back of my mind, this doesn’t switch off even if I choose to walk away, something compels me to return.
This has resulted in a horrible cycle, where I say I want to stop and I leave but I end up coming back and I really don’t know what to do. This is with the guy I’m talking to, we aren’t dating but it has come up before. He feels safe, to someone like who’s gone through narcissistic abuse before. So it feels freeing but I have other concerns. He’s an ENFP-A, so he feels very casual most of the times non intentional even, and it starts triggering my anxiety. That aside, realistically I require a lot of security and it feels like given the kind of person he is, I don’t think we’re compatible. Since there’s a really good chance, if need be he won’t show up for me the way I want or need and then I’ll end up suffering. And I don’t blame him or anything I just realise it quietly and try to end things, like cutting losses early. Initially I was able to act out of my interest, but it felt as if I was limiting myself without even letting it play out. And because he’d say something maybe try to solve or say something, instead of a clean yes/okay I’d feel stirred. Over time, this has become a cycle. And I hate it because I don’t like the fact that what I’m trying to avoid is happening anyways. And I also consider him to not be a part of a dynamic where I leave and come back everytime, it’s not a good thing I’m aware. But each time I return, he just welcomes me or doesn’t really attack me, even if I’m just there to apologise for my behaviour or impulsivity, it somehow becomes “I have returned”. I don’t understand what to do anymore. But I’d like to learn or work on this, if there is something wrong with me.

Need some advice for this guy, we’ve been talking to for 2 months. Now I rarely ask for advice as I’m intuitive otherwise, but I have been unusually confused so far. This was a fwb thing, the chemistry was great but this guy started making small talk, and I realised I liked his personality. But 3 weeks in, I could see that, despite him being expressive, which I reckon is, his smoothness, I felt there wasn’t enough certainty for me to continue. And I wasn’t tolerant of uncertainty as well as the ambiguity it created. I thought it’d be fine to part ways, and I did but he stayed on my mind so much, and I felt, why was I blowing up something that hasn’t unravelled yet? I decided to give it a chance. After a week, came the revelations since I was acting a bit weird he asked if I had any feelings? I told him I’m attracted, but I really thought it wasn’t mutual until he told me he feels the same way. By the second month, I was in this constant conflict inside. I knew I’m not the kind of person who does fwb, nor did I want one or something that would become a situationship. But since I liked him a lot, I had no reason to text him yet I kept coming up with excuses just to talk to him, unlike my previous note that I’d only text him when I wanted to. I had no reason to, and I tried talking to him, but it was really just a way of asking him for a reason to talk to him. Another conflict was that I was at a time in my life where I was just starting to enjoy being single as well as recover from my previous relationship with a narcissist there came a great guy who didn’t cage me but was great to talk to. I had also been curious about ENFP types, romantically and there he was. I felt such a great pull, and it’s not like wanting to leave ever worked before because I just came back. I was also scared of any further revelations because I didn’t want to date, but the uncertainty was eating me alive. In this one conversation, he said he liked me even if I didn’t like him. He has expressed that a lot, what I hate is the loose structure, so I asked him to define things. To which he answered fwb but could lead to more or he’d have said dating but we can’t date given I’m so far away, he did ask what I though every time but I didn’t answer and idk whether what he said was genuine because he was drinking at the time and rambling, I had gone to sleep and woke up him double texting how he missed me. I didn’t even dare continue the definition text because tf just happened??? And I also don’t like being that confrontational/ direct, so I didn’t know how to talk about things. But eventually my way of texting him when I wanted to, kept turning into the dynamic only being defined upon my actions and my actions alone. But I personally prefer someone reaching halfway out of their own account, but he feels like someone who’d only get up when I am already standing there before. I got exhausted, and so I naturally stopped. One week went by, and I didn’t expect him to text but then he did. He made small talk about football and the World Cup instead. Later on, when I texted, he said how he was up late thinking about me, since it had been a while since we properly talked. But my question is, why tell me that now??? A week went by again, and he never texted again. I hate silence, and it triggered me badly. What am I even supposed to do? Can anyone help me understand his side or something? We haven't even done anything since the initial, we've just been talking and flirting all this time.