r/ENFP

Hey guys, so I'm watching RM of BTS interview and he was talking about things as a leader (he's the leader of the band)

And he said "so I think basically really just annoying to be a leader, but it's like I couldn't let anybody do it, because I was like, if somebody has to do it, then it should be me. And because I just can't watch somebody else just doing it. And if it's not working out as I expected, then I could be more stressed out."

Now he is an amazing leader ( I'm an ARMY) and he did talk about if there is a thing that should be done the leader has to do it even if it means he needs to ger out of his comfy spot, and he did, so many times.

and he is ENFP.

And I thought I read somewhere before that ENFP doesn't like to lead but they would if they had to.

I dont like leading at all!! Even if sometimes it stress me out I don't like leading. The moment I middle in a situation and lead it means I got to my limits of stress that no one is listening to the leader so I feel like okay that's it!

But I would lead at that moment only!

So i was wondering is it a ENFP male part or do you ENFP females like to lead and it's just me who doesn't?

I've always found it fascinating when you meet someone for the first time and manage to slightly decode their personality type. Personally, I always find it so interesting how a conversation starts with an introvert, who once they get to know you better, literally cannot stop talking!

> But what I also love so much are ENFPs, because a conversation can literally go in a million different directions, and I just love that 🤣

Early 40s ENFP here, living in Europe, lived in multiple countries, speak a few languages and honestly, being an ENFP over decades is wild.

My Ne has stayed exactly the same: chaotic, curious, alive. But my Fi and Te have gone through a full character arc. I grew up religious, had strong Fi, people‑pleasing tendencies, messy relationships, attachment issues... the classic ENFP emotional tornado.

Then my 30s hit and Te finally woke up. Changing careers, studying abroad, moving around, learning languages, all of that forced me to build structure.

Now I’m basically an “executive ENFP”: still creative, but actually getting things done, investing, planning, building a life.

Si‑heavy people helped too. Their grounding energy rubbed off on me. I still explore, but I also have routines and check‑in now.

My 20s/30s = chaos. My 40s = calm, inward, intentional.

Still ENFP, still vibey, still spiritual/philosophical, but much more balanced.

Hii, first time posting here. Got curious since it's been few weeks of me heavily identifying as an ENFP and trying to figure out who I am as a human being. Grew up as agnosticist in a distanced family, which I theorized to be emotionally neglectful, yet I am not able to say that I have trauma. This type of growing up meant for me independence and to mold my own values as I also grew somewhat alienated and disconnected from society and people. Not completely, but felt there was always something missing.

In 2020 I began to have a phase where I wondered about life's meaning so ended up studying the history of philosophy which also led me to considering religions. Initially was especially interested in Taoism & Islam but also Hinduism, Zoroastrianism and so on. I even heavily considered a view called perennialism which holds that religions can be true at the same time. Two years ago I became a Christian through Orthodox church, but now for few months I been having a religious burnout due to, what I would call, typical unhealthy ENFP's overthinking and antics. Though, to some extent it is natural for me to doubt my decisions and my own values to reconsider if I chose correctly or truthfully.

So without telling too much more about myself straight away, this whole post was made just for the curiosity to see if there's other religious ENFPs here •͜•

As ENFPs, we often admire other types so intensely that we try to copy them wholesale and then wonder why it feels unnatural. The trick is to appreciate people through their cognitive stack, not through our projections.

When you look at an ENTJ friend, admire their discipline and strategic clarity without trying to replicate their entire system. Their Te–Ni structure is built for big routines; ours isn’t. We can translate what inspires us into ENFP‑friendly versions such as mini routines, micro anchors, small habits that support creativity rather than crush it.

With our ESFP cousins, enjoy their grounded presence and sensory joy. They remind us to return to our bodies, simplify our emotional experience, and actually start things instead of living in ideas forever. We don’t need their exact spontaneity; we just benefit from their embodiment.

And then there are our ENTP “chaos cousins,” whose Ne–Ti gives them razor‑sharp detachment and mental agility. Instead of matching their debate energy, we can borrow their reframing, their clarity, and their ability to step back when Fi gets tangled.

My point is to admire other types without trying to become them. Let their strengths inspire you, then translate those strengths into something that fits your own wiring. That’s how ENFPs grow, not by imitation, but by alchemising what we love in others into something that works for us.

Maybe this isn’t the right subreddit for this kind of thing but I figured I’d try my luck.

I’m an ENFP who has been depressed for awhile now. I should be happy, but I’m just not. My mental health just gets worse and worse and it affects everything around me.

I work at a job I’m not passionate about with no clear direction of what I want to do still at 26, I am in debt because credit cards I got when I was younger are messing up my finances today, I don’t always feel emotionally understood by anyone whether that’s my mom or my girlfriend or my friends, and so on.

To sum it all up, I’m a train wreck. And I feel like nobody really knows it because I go to great lengths to hide it. But there are times when it comes out as it inevitably will and all I do when that happens is beat myself up more. It’s like I look at me feeling any sort of negative emotion as wrong and I should apologize to all those around me for showing it. I can validate everyone else’s emotions but never my own.

I am bringing this here because I’m not feeling like an ENFP right now. I should be positive and optimistic but I am the literal opposite. I wanted to see if there are any other ENFPs who have felt as down as I currently do and what I could do to help myself. I tried therapy, but it was too expensive to continue going. So my question is, if you were depressed, how did you get through it?? How can you look at everything going on in life and remain hopeful that you’ll end up alright? Any sort of advice is appreciated. And apologies again if I’m bringing this to the wrong subreddit. We are known for being positive and caring and I felt like I can use that right now.

TLDR: I am an ENFP who is depressed. What are steps I can take to help myself? What steps did you take?

i feel like I may have encountered one - more like a vulnerable / “covert” narcissist (no diagnosis) who deflects most blame or normal information requirements with emotional manipulation or abuse with no empathy for me, personally, although apparently lots for other people. He’s just a collection of red flags at this point, so I’m just wondering whether he fits a pattern. Thanks!

editing to clarify my question: you encountered any and if so, what are they like?

Although my boyfriend is an ISTJ and I’m an ENFP, maybe we’re more compatible than people would expect🤔

I used to think I was attracted to chaos, but as I’ve matured, I’ve realized I actually want stability. Having a grounded partner doesn’t make me feel trapped. It actually gives me the freedom to explore and be myself✨✨

Ironically, the more grounded and secure I feel, the freer I become😌

I’ve also noticed that being with someone who naturally uses Te has helped me develop my own. He doesn’t try to change me, but I learn a lot from the way he approaches life💪🏻

Even our conversations reflect this!! I’m usually the one throwing out random ideas or weird scenarios, and somehow he turns them into memes and inside jokes we laugh about for weeks🤣🤣 Maybe that’s why we work so well!! I bring the ideas, and he brings them to life..!!😁

This relationship also made me realize how limiting stereotypes can be. Looking for patterns and understanding them is one thing, if I had judged him based on MBTI or a bad experience with someone else, I probably would’ve missed out on an amazing relationship!!✨✨

A bad experience with one person doesn’t mean everyone with that personality type will be the same. People are individuals first🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I am an INFP female who has a crush on this ENFP male for the longest time, a couple of years. I got to know him as we have mutual friends and would see him every few months at our mutual friend's gatherings. Every time i see him, i'd get so nervous that I just cannot muster up any courage to talk to him. When i first met him, i just thought "wow we'd vibe really well, we'd be really compatible.". Anyways, time flew by and i still have not gotten over this crush or limerence.

Until recently, i managed to actually have a proper human conversation with him and realized that we have so much in common! I had the opportunity to ask him out to a group event a few times and eventually a meet up as a friend. I think I may just like him even more, now that i know him better. But i don't think he is interested in me.

He is respectful, goofy and friendly, a good conversationalist in person, attentive. But no other signs of interest, no flirting, no texting me, no initiating meet ups. I am truly heartbroken :( As an INFP girly i think i have done what i could as i have been the one initiating. Initiating has been hard! Just wanted to hear from the ENFPs, how i should go about this situation... Any thoughts or advice would be good. TYSMIA.

Hello ENFPs!

Just curious to find out who we match with best for long term, healthy relationships?

I have 3 close friends who are INFJ, ESTP and ENFJ.

I have recently dated INTP, ESTP, ENTJ, ISFJ and none of them have worked out.

Id love to know what MBTI your partner is and what are the good/bad sides to your match :)

I don't even know where to begin but my boyfriend is an INTJ. It feels like he is bored of me all the time but it’s more because of my anxiety and less because he is actually bored of me. He is sooo objective and practical but also weird and emotionally expressive.

I mean he's not affecting me in a bad way, I would say my baseline happiness has increased after I met him and I feel a lot lighter than before I met him. He is sooo cute and low-key introverted and I can't get my mind off of him ugh. Help. I don't know how I manage to get with INTJs all the time, I mean, this man? He was behaving all extroverted before just to impress me.

I wanna know what you think. XOXO

I realised most of my favourite characters are ENFP males. Where do I find a manic pixie dream boy? Do any of you all exist because it feels like ENFPs are probably 90% female, right? Where might these unicorns be hiding, as clearly I need an ENFP friend for random adventures and flirting. Ahoy!

Hello all, I am an ENTJ. I recently became the manager of a team that includes one ENFP. Can you share some stories or advice from working with ENTJs - how can I best work with you?

We’ve been together since 2020. I absolutely love her to death but we still get into crazy arguments more than I’d like to. It usually starts by someone’s feelings getting hurt and saying something rude or short.
Our love language is affirmation, yet we didn’t get any as a kid so struggle to be there for the other in these moments. In turn, the offender starts to say things to get under the others skin as if to see a reaction or hear how much they care. It turns into this cycle of who hurt who first and no one being the bigger person. Then we both retreat to stubborn corners feeling hurt and confused with no resolution. We always apologize and move on but it feels like there’s creeping resentments from the many moments like this.
I know this may be confusing but what I’m looking for is someone’s experience in situations like these or a way I can be there for her in the moment so it doesn’t continue. It’s been happening since day one, and it’s something that I need to work on heavily as I don’t want it to continue. Please ask any questions, lacking direction on how to elaborate further. For reference we’re both Cancers if that matters to anyone.

Hi everyone,

I’m an ENFP (at least that’s how I’ve always identified), and lately I’ve been struggling with something that I can’t seem to figure out. I’m curious if anyone recognizes this or has gone through something similar.

The past few months have been incredibly busy for me. I was finishing my internship, writing my thesis, pushing myself pretty hard academically, and trying to perform at a high level. Everything has now ended almost at the same time, including the person I was dating, and I currently feel a bit emotionally… flat or disconnected. It’s hard to tell whether that’s exhaustion, grief, or something else.

During those months I was dating someone who (I think) is either an ISTP or ISFJ. She was kind, emotionally safe, intelligent, attractive, and we genuinely enjoyed spending time together. We made a good team, and I honestly wanted to fall in love with her.
The problem is… I never really did.

I cared about her, I enjoyed being with her, and there were definitely moments of attraction. But I kept waiting for this deeper feeling to grow, and after about three months I was still thinking, “I wish I felt more.”
Eventually we ended things because it didn’t feel fair to keep hoping something would suddenly appear and she started to become insecure about it.

Now I’m grieving in a strange way. I don’t necessarily miss her intensely; I mostly miss the companionship, the routines, the conversations, and what we could have become. That makes me question myself. Am I expecting a feeling that doesn’t exist? Did I walk away too soon? Or was I actually listening to something important?

What makes this even more confusing is that before her, I had very strong feelings for someone else (an INFP). Ironically, that situation was almost the opposite.
Things actually started out pretty consistent between us, but towards the end everything became vague and emotionally confusing. We reconnected a few times afterwards, and every time there was still a strong connection, but it always remained unclear and never really went anywhere. That experience stayed with me for a long time, and I sometimes wonder whether my brain accidentally started associating uncertainty and longing with love.

Another thing I’ve noticed recently is that I seem to have become hyper-aware of my own emotions.
Whenever I feel anything, I immediately step outside of the experience and start analyzing it:
“Oh, I’m feeling this.”
“What does this mean?”
“Is this enough?”
“Is this real?”
Instead of simply experiencing my emotions, I constantly monitor them. It’s exhausting, and it almost makes me feel disconnected from myself.
I’ve also realized that I struggle to distinguish between:
what I genuinely want,
what I think I should want,
and what simply fits the image or identity I have of myself.
For example, instead of noticing, “Do I actually feel like doing this today?” I often think, “Well, I’m someone who enjoys this, so I guess I should do it.” It’s like I know my preferences intellectually, but I sometimes lose touch with what I actually need in the moment.
It feels like I’m running into both old patterns and completely new ones at the same time. I’m trying to become more in touch with myself, but sometimes I feel like the more I analyze my feelings, the less I can actually hear them.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Especially if you’re an ENFP:
Have you ever struggled to know whether you genuinely liked someone, or whether you were waiting for a feeling that never came?
Have you experienced becoming overly self-aware of your emotions?
How did you learn to trust your feelings again instead of constantly analyzing them?
How do you distinguish between what you truly want in the moment versus what simply fits your idea of who you are?
And if you’ve ever experienced something similar, what helped you reconnect with yourself?
I’m not really looking for people to tell me whether I made the “right” decision. I’m much more interested in hearing how other people have experienced/ handled this and whether they recognize these patterns.
Thanks for reading :)

Hi! Do any other enfp’s out there genuinely feel joy and satisfaction with themselves? Mentally, do you feel like you have understood yourself and are capable of experiencing certain situations and still be okay and happy with who you are?

First post on the forum... I'm usually a lurker... so I hope this post is ok.

ENFP who lost her INFJ out of nowhere in the past few weeks.... He sent a song... and was gone. He's left before and I've gone after him, but this time... I just can't. So I'm slowly breaking apart and it's now just starting to hit me....

For any of my ENFP ladies who lost someone like this... what did you do to stop depression from setting in because it is. Thanks.

The time when we will no longer need another four years at university. The time when Mars will be colonised by 2050. The time when the world will be unified. The point of no return when a supreme intelligence will control the Earth alongside an elite group of people from absurdly powerful dynastic families. The time when technology will understand the brain.

I find myself wondering what it would be like to use a Neuralink, which is a neural network 100 per cent integrated with the brain. Where I could transport myself to Harvard, into one of its 999,999 rooms, and learn everything there is to know about the humanities and the exact sciences, whilst a robot tends a vegetable patch at my home using a fertiliser created by the ASI, where food grows in two minutes.

If the world doesn’t disappear by 2030 because of wars, we’ll be living in a technological paradise.

According to experts and enthusiastic doctors: by 2035, the ASI will have already found a cure for every disease. So, medicine will no longer be a problem.

With research such as that carried out by the institutes funded by Bezos, Soros and Elon Musk: immortality is on its way.

Imagine what it would be like to live in orbit around Europa, Jupiter or Neptune, watching the diamond showers.

Am I the only one who has a genuine fear of being alone? Like having no one to reach out to when you need help or want to hang out?

And also like you can't just bear the thought of being disliked AT ALL.

Idk it's just been bothering me for a while and I wonder if other ENFPs feels this too 😭😭

I'm a cashier at Walmart, I've got a few customers that're regulars, they actually look for me when checking out. Anything from just being nice to them, to knowing I'll weigh their bags if they say they can't lift above a certain amount. One guy says he knows he won't get his bread crushed if he comes to me. I had a few people today pointing out that I seemed sad, I thought I was masking a bit better than that, but I guess that's the one thing I can't hide? My father passed in 2014 and his birthday was yesterday, honestly, the whole month of July is usually difficult. July was his antics for 4th of July, we'd go camping in the desert and ride dirt bikes, and his birthday.... because August was back to school. Anyone else just an open book when it comes to emotions? Are we that easy to read?