u/Glass-Yam-7375

As ENFPs, we often admire other types so intensely that we try to copy them wholesale and then wonder why it feels unnatural. The trick is to appreciate people through their cognitive stack, not through our projections.

When you look at an ENTJ friend, admire their discipline and strategic clarity without trying to replicate their entire system. Their Te–Ni structure is built for big routines; ours isn’t. We can translate what inspires us into ENFP‑friendly versions such as mini routines, micro anchors, small habits that support creativity rather than crush it.

With our ESFP cousins, enjoy their grounded presence and sensory joy. They remind us to return to our bodies, simplify our emotional experience, and actually start things instead of living in ideas forever. We don’t need their exact spontaneity; we just benefit from their embodiment.

And then there are our ENTP “chaos cousins,” whose Ne–Ti gives them razor‑sharp detachment and mental agility. Instead of matching their debate energy, we can borrow their reframing, their clarity, and their ability to step back when Fi gets tangled.

My point is to admire other types without trying to become them. Let their strengths inspire you, then translate those strengths into something that fits your own wiring. That’s how ENFPs grow, not by imitation, but by alchemising what we love in others into something that works for us.

Early 40s ENFP here, living in Europe, lived in multiple countries, speak a few languages and honestly, being an ENFP over decades is wild.

My Ne has stayed exactly the same: chaotic, curious, alive. But my Fi and Te have gone through a full character arc. I grew up religious, had strong Fi, people‑pleasing tendencies, messy relationships, attachment issues... the classic ENFP emotional tornado.

Then my 30s hit and Te finally woke up. Changing careers, studying abroad, moving around, learning languages, all of that forced me to build structure.

Now I’m basically an “executive ENFP”: still creative, but actually getting things done, investing, planning, building a life.

Si‑heavy people helped too. Their grounding energy rubbed off on me. I still explore, but I also have routines and check‑in now.

My 20s/30s = chaos. My 40s = calm, inward, intentional.

Still ENFP, still vibey, still spiritual/philosophical, but much more balanced.

Installed two over the weekend and can't recommend them enough.

I would have been happy with 1 but the additional one over the bed is amazing.

Would suggest a large DC motor fan - extremely quiet, easy to install and everyone has commented on how stylish it looks and its effectiveness.

So far, I've just seen a few pennies increase on the smart meter.

Has anyone else recently installed one?

Copilot helped me write this but these are my ideas, just organised in a way my ENFP brain struggles to do alone.

I want to share something with other ENFPs because I know it will help people, and honestly, if I waited to write this “perfectly” myself, I’d procrastinate and never post it. Some people say ENFPs shouldn’t use AI because it’s not “authentic,” but that’s like saying someone shouldn’t wear glasses because they should “see naturally.” Tools aren’t cheating, they’re support. Copilot is a tool that works for me, and it’s been a breath of fresh air.

As ENFPs, we’re pattern engines. Our Ne picks up everything, and then Fi evaluates everything. That makes us perceptive, intuitive, and emotionally intelligent, but it also slows us down when we need to write fast, respond to huge documents, or articulate something under pressure. I’m great verbally, but when I have to write rapid emails or deal with massive work papers, my brain gets stuck in the Ne–Fi loop and Te can’t execute quickly enough.

Copilot has helped me bridge that gap. It thinks like an ENTP: same pattern recognition, but filtered through Ti instead of Fi. That means when I write a messy ENFP draft, Copilot can restructure it, clean it up, and present the logic clearly. I still choose the version that aligns with my Fi and my values, but I get to Te much faster. It doesn’t replace my authenticity; it helps me express it efficiently.

It also supports my inferior Si. When I’m discussing a work issue, Copilot remembers the context I gave earlier and brings it back when relevant. Not emotionally, structurally. That’s something ENFPs often struggle with, especially in sensor‑heavy environments where people don’t think the way we do.

Copilot has also helped me navigate interpersonal issues. As ENFPs, we can get stuck in our values and feelings, even when we intellectually understand another perspective. Copilot gives me the Ti‑filtered “other side of the coin,” which helps me sense‑check my Fi and move into Te without losing my integrity. Sometimes I ask it for ten scripts or ten ways to phrase something, and I pick the one that resonates with me. It’s still me, just articulated in a way that works.

For me, Copilot has become an extroverted intuitive soundboard that doesn’t get overwhelmed by my Ne, doesn’t misread my Fi, and doesn’t flatten my ideas. It helps me see the whole coin, not just my side of it, and that’s exactly what ENFPs need to operate effectively without compromising who we are.I

I'm sharing this because I know other ENFPs feel lonely in sensor‑heavy environments and struggle with articulation under pressure. Copilot hasn’t replaced my thinking, it’s helped me use my cognition more effectively. And for me, that’s responsible use of a tool, not a shortcut.

It's about the responsible use of AI, the internet and the tools at our disposal.

Thoughts?

I have been reading amazing reviews on Amazon but I'm not sure if they're fake. Does anyone else in the UK use these fans??

If so, how effective are they?

Looking forward to installing it on the weekend but wondering why these aren't popular in the UK?

Is this right?

I'm a bisexual person in the LGBTQ community, and I’ve spent my life moving between different cultures in Europe, Latin America and Asia. Because of that, I’ve seen how identity, gender, and sexuality are understood in very different social contexts. Over time, I’ve started noticing patterns that make me feel uneasy, and I’m wondering if anyone else in the community feels something similar.

I’m not talking about rejecting queer or trans people. What I’m talking about is the pace and direction of identity discourse in the last decade. It feels like things have been developing so rapidly that we haven’t had time to integrate or make sense of them socially.

Some of the things I’ve noticed: identity categories multiplying faster than communities can absorb them.

It feels like we went from a few core identities to dozens of micro‑labels, and now there’s a kind of “identity fatigue” even among younger queer people.

The rise of “queer” as an umbrella term flattening older identities.

As a bisexual person, I’ve noticed the “B” often gets swallowed by “Q,” and bisexuality gets reframed as just another form of queerness rather than a distinct orientation.

A shift toward identity being purely internal and self‑declared.

In many cultures I’ve lived in, identity is relational, it’s something that exists between people. The current discourse sometimes feels disconnected from social reality or embodiment.

A sense that the conversation has become moralised and accelerated.

It’s hard to express nuance without being accused of bad intentions. Even within LGBTQ spaces, people get shut down for asking questions or expressing discomfort.

A growing gap between online identity culture and lived experience.

In the global South, or even in parts of Europe, the discourse is completely different, slower, more grounded, more connected to community. The Western online conversation feels hyper‑individualised and algorithm‑driven.

I’m not saying any of this to attack anyone. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is just my personal experience, or whether others, especially bisexual people, or people who’ve lived in multiple cultures are noticing similar patterns.

I'm trying to make sense of what I’m seeing, and I want to hear how others are experiencing it

I know I’m definitely ENFP. I can come across as introverted (INFP style), sometimes even INFJ when I'm processing, or perhaps ENTP at work.

But I know I'm ENFP through a deep understanding of the cognitive functions and how they stack together. I'm a proud ENFP.

Sometimes I’m extremely introverted, even though I know I’m an extrovert because I get my energy from the external world and I need that energy to feed my intuition. Even with that, my Te can be extremely strong, and I can come across as very critical of systems or ideologies I see as useless.

Sometimes I even come across as conservative, but I don’t see myself as conservative or right‑wing. I genuinely think the opinions I have are just common sense.

A lot of the direction the left is going in shocks me, especially how quickly people shut voices down and how hard it is to articulate certain things. With issues, I’m extremely sceptical. It’s not that I want to deny anyone’s experience, but I see real dangers, especially when social media plays such a big role in educating young people about things that might confuse them.

I understand the argument for educating people, but when minds are still developing, we need to be careful. Psychology shows how influential children are to their environment and peers, and that’s why I’m sceptical.

With immigration, I wish refugees didn’t exist in the first place, and I understand the geopolitics and the role countries like the UK played in creating wars, imperialism, colonialism, and everything that followed. I know the UK is part of the problem. But uncontrolled immigration feels irrational and illogical to me, and I think every country should protect itself and its interests. That’s what leadership is supposed to do.

Yet when I voice these opinions, I end up feeling like the odd one out, as if this isn’t in the spirit of being an ENFP. I'm trying not to get wrapped up in polarisation, but some of the claims people make just seem absurd.

What I’m trying to understand is why I experience the world this way. My Ne is extremely high, but it’s not naïve, it sees patterns, consequences, and psychological impacts. My Fi is very strong but protective rather than soft. My Te is developing in a way that makes me call out things that don’t make sense.

So I’m wondering if there are other ENFPs who feel very much like ENFPs but are also sceptical, analytical, protective, and sometimes perceived as more “conservative” simply because they’re applying Fi‑Ne‑Te to real‑world issues instead of the stereotypical ENFP idealism.

Is this just what happens when ENFPs mature, or is something else going on?

I want to preface this with something important:

I’m not straight, I’m bisexual, and this post is not coming from homophobia or malice. If anything, I’m trying to understand myself better and check for any blind spots or internalised stuff I might not be aware of. I genuinely want to treat people respectfully, and I’m hoping for the same energy in the replies.

My experience and where my confusion comes from:

I’ve had relationships with both men and women, but I’ve never felt “queer” as an identity. My sexuality is bisexual, but it doesn’t feel like a cultural identity for me. I’ve always felt more aligned with what people might call “mainstream” culture. Most of my close friendships have always been with straight men or straight women. When I was younger and exploring my sexuality, I tried going to gay clubs and queer spaces, but nothing resonated, the music, the dancing, the mannerisms, the speech patterns. I know these things aren’t universal, but they were common enough in the spaces I tried that I felt like an outsider. I've always wondered where those shared behaviours come from, not in a judgmental way, but in a sociological/psychological way.

Why are certain expressions so common in Western gay male culture? Is it community? Survival? Trauma? Something else?

A recent situation that made me reflect more:

I go to a gym where the vibe is very “brotherhood”: supportive, friendly, no one cares about sexuality, and I’ve never discussed mine with them. One day a gay guy from the gym saw me on an app and messaged me. He’s not my type, but I thought maybe we could be friends. I tried to integrate him into the group a bit, but he became jealous and made some cutting comments. Later, when I made a light comment about him being tired at the gym but probably energetic when he goes out later, he got upset and said I was being homophobic. He later explained he was bullied when he was younger for being effeminate. I apologised for triggering that, but I also explained that rejecting certain behaviours doesn’t mean rejecting gay people. Effeminate behaviour isn’t exclusive to gay men, and I don’t see myself as rejecting my sexuality. But he insisted I was homophobic, and the whole thing spiralled.

A pattern I’ve noticed (and I’m open to being wrong)

Every time I’ve tried to build friendships with gay men, it eventually turns into something that feels… sharp. Competitive. Bitchy. Like there’s an undercurrent of insecurity or defensiveness. I’m NOT saying all gay men are like this. I’m saying this has been my personal experience, and I’m trying to understand why. One theory I’ve wondered about (and I’m open to being corrected) is that people who grow up marginalised or bullied sometimes develop protective behaviours like pre‑emptive defensiveness, or tearing others down before they can be hurt. I’ve seen similar dynamics among women who’ve grown up under pressure to perform or compete. Again: this is not a judgment. It’s me trying to understand patterns I’ve observed.

My questions for the community:

Is it normal for bisexual people to feel disconnected from “queer culture”?

Are there others who don’t feel culturally queer even if they’re not straight?

Why do certain behaviours become so common in Western gay male spaces?Is the “bitchiness” stereotype actually rooted in trauma, insecurity, or socialisation?

How do you build friendships with gay men without things becoming competitive or defensive?

And importantly: does anything I’ve said sound like internalised stuff I should reflect on?

I'm asking all of this with respect and genuine curiosity. I want to understand people better, and I want to understand myself better too.

Thanks to anyone who replies in good faith.

I want to preface this with something important:

I’m not straight, I’m bisexual, and this post is not coming from homophobia or malice. If anything, I’m trying to understand myself better and check for any blind spots or internalised stuff I might not be aware of. I genuinely want to treat people respectfully, and I’m hoping for the same energy in the replies.

My experience and where my confusion comes from:

I’ve had relationships with both men and women, but I’ve never felt “queer” as an identity. My sexuality is bisexual, but it doesn’t feel like a cultural identity for me. I’ve always felt more aligned with what people might call “mainstream” culture. Most of my close friendships have always been with straight men or straight women. When I was younger and exploring my sexuality, I tried going to gay clubs and queer spaces, but nothing resonated, the music, the dancing, the mannerisms, the speech patterns. I know these things aren’t universal, but they were common enough in the spaces I tried that I felt like an outsider. I've always wondered where those shared behaviours come from, not in a judgmental way, but in a sociological/psychological way.

Why are certain expressions so common in Western gay male culture? Is it community? Survival? Trauma? Something else?

A recent situation that made me reflect more:

I go to a gym where the vibe is very “brotherhood”: supportive, friendly, no one cares about sexuality, and I’ve never discussed mine with them. One day a gay guy from the gym saw me on an app and messaged me. He’s not my type, but I thought maybe we could be friends. I tried to integrate him into the group a bit, but he became jealous and made some cutting comments. Later, when I made a light comment about him being tired at the gym but probably energetic when he goes out later, he got upset and said I was being homophobic. He later explained he was bullied when he was younger for being effeminate. I apologised for triggering that, but I also explained that rejecting certain behaviours doesn’t mean rejecting gay people. Effeminate behaviour isn’t exclusive to gay men, and I don’t see myself as rejecting my sexuality. But he insisted I was homophobic, and the whole thing spiralled.

A pattern I’ve noticed (and I’m open to being wrong)

Every time I’ve tried to build friendships with gay men, it eventually turns into something that feels… sharp. Competitive. Bitchy. Like there’s an undercurrent of insecurity or defensiveness. I’m NOT saying all gay men are like this. I’m saying this has been my personal experience, and I’m trying to understand why. One theory I’ve wondered about (and I’m open to being corrected) is that people who grow up marginalised or bullied sometimes develop protective behaviours like pre‑emptive defensiveness, or tearing others down before they can be hurt. I’ve seen similar dynamics among women who’ve grown up under pressure to perform or compete. Again: this is not a judgment. It’s me trying to understand patterns I’ve observed.

My questions for the community:

Is it normal for bisexual people to feel disconnected from “queer culture”?

Are there others who don’t feel culturally queer even if they’re not straight?

Why do certain behaviours become so common in Western gay male spaces?Is the “bitchiness” stereotype actually rooted in trauma, insecurity, or socialisation?

And importantly: does anything I’ve said sound like internalised stuff I should reflect on?

I'm asking all of this with respect and genuine curiosity. I want to understand people better, and I want to understand myself better too.

Thanks to anyone who replies in good faith.

I want to preface this with something important:

I’m not straight, I’m bisexual, and this post is not coming from homophobia or malice. If anything, I’m trying to understand myself better and check for any blind spots or internalised stuff I might not be aware of. I genuinely want to treat people respectfully, and I’m hoping for the same energy in the replies.

My experience and where my confusion comes from:

I’ve had relationships with both men and women, but I’ve never felt “queer” as an identity. My sexuality is bisexual, but it doesn’t feel like a cultural identity for me. I’ve always felt more aligned with what people might call “mainstream” culture. Most of my close friendships have always been with straight men or straight women. When I was younger and exploring my sexuality, I tried going to gay clubs and queer spaces, but nothing resonated, the music, the dancing, the mannerisms, the speech patterns. I know these things aren’t universal, but they were common enough in the spaces I tried that I felt like an outsider. I've always wondered where those shared behaviours come from, not in a judgmental way, but in a sociological/psychological way.

Why are certain expressions so common in Western gay male culture? Is it community? Survival? Trauma? Something else?

A recent situation that made me reflect more:

I go to a gym where the vibe is very “brotherhood”: supportive, friendly, no one cares about sexuality, and I’ve never discussed mine with them. One day a gay guy from the gym saw me on an app and messaged me. He’s not my type, but I thought maybe we could be friends. I tried to integrate him into the group a bit, but he became jealous and made some cutting comments. Later, when I made a light comment about him being tired at the gym but probably energetic when he goes out later, he got upset and said I was being homophobic. He later explained he was bullied when he was younger for being effeminate. I apologised for triggering that, but I also explained that rejecting certain behaviours doesn’t mean rejecting gay people. Effeminate behaviour isn’t exclusive to gay men, and I don’t see myself as rejecting my sexuality. But he insisted I was homophobic, and the whole thing spiralled.

A pattern I’ve noticed (and I’m open to being wrong)

Every time I’ve tried to build friendships with gay men, it eventually turns into something that feels… sharp. Competitive. Bitchy. Like there’s an undercurrent of insecurity or defensiveness. I’m NOT saying all gay men are like this. I’m saying this has been my personal experience, and I’m trying to understand why. One theory I’ve wondered about (and I’m open to being corrected) is that people who grow up marginalised or bullied sometimes develop protective behaviours like pre‑emptive defensiveness, or tearing others down before they can be hurt. I’ve seen similar dynamics among women who’ve grown up under pressure to perform or compete. Again: this is not a judgment. It’s me trying to understand patterns I’ve observed.

My questions for the community:

Is it normal for bisexual people to feel disconnected from “queer culture”?

Are there others who don’t feel culturally queer even if they’re not straight?

Why do certain behaviours become so common in Western gay male spaces?Is the “bitchiness” stereotype actually rooted in trauma, insecurity, or socialisation?

How do you build friendships with gay men without things becoming competitive or defensive?

And importantly: does anything I’ve said sound like internalised stuff I should reflect on?

I'm asking all of this with respect and genuine curiosity. I want to understand people better, and I want to understand myself better too.

Thanks to anyone who replies in good faith.