u/Bubbly_Lifeguard6142

Like what does it mean to eat normally how do i keep anything in myself? How supposed to my first day look like?

Who experienced weight gain in recovery? And how did you deal with this? I lost weight due to bulimia, a lot of it, so im shitless scared.

So im bulimic since im 14 and i was anorexic for a year before that, im 19 now. Which is too loong and too much. Bulimia makes me lose weight and regulate my emotions. I had many recovery attempts but everytime i expected myself to eat perfectly clean otherwise i couldnt keep anything. I had many health problems because of bulimia i collapsed and had a seizure in August, i have bad electrolyte imbalances and im just fed up.
My problem is im scared to give up my body- im muscular because im vert active tbh compulsively active. I started therapy and the Lady told me that if i start eating just keeping anything in, not perfectly healthy my brain will calm down because its biological stress that makes me catastrophize about every little thing in my life- which i think is true and im so tired about being scared of everything in my life. But idk im so scared ill gain a lot of weight- which propably i will since i lost a lot of weight due to my eating disorder, i have visible abs and muscles now and im scared to give that up.