u/Bulky-Caterpillar524

So I wanna break up with her. I'm freshly 22, and she is almost 21.

We've been together 4 years, 2 of those spending M-F together, the other 2 years, Friday through the weekend.

I got my first apartment and we've slowly created a shared space.

We have had our fair share of disagreements and tough days but no serious threat of loyalty or lack of morals in our relationship.

Going back to when I first got my place in June of 24':

She had expressed a concern for not feeling comfortable at my dad's house. We both had goals and aspirations, and quite frankly I needed out aswell. We had a long talk about our future and I made the choice to get my own lease and allow her to stay for the weekends. The only thing stopping her from joining me on the lease was a DL and a car.

She had a minimum wage job + tips ($600-800 every 2 weeks), and wanted to go to cosmetology school.

I launched my business which has been successful (to bring in 40k revenue and have zero debt after 1 year is pretty good in the business world) but definitely not funding a new Ferrari and house anytime soon. I assured her I would be willing to help fund her school once she could drive and was serious about opening that chapter of life and I had some more stable income.

Which leads me to the car fiasco...

When I was 19 and she was 17. She had no interest in driving and was anxious about the unknown. I set a boundary/expectation. (This was after a rough conversation about growth) "I want you to have you license by the time I turn 21 or I will seriously be considering our relationship"

I explained the reasoning behind those words. my personal wants, my future plans (kids, doctors appointments, her independence)

And time passed, I waited until I was 6 months from 21 and reminded her of the conversation. Her response was I was being controlling/expecting too much of her because she was scared of driving. I ended up apologizing for bugging her and let it rest.

December of 25', 6 months after the deadline. During this time she launched a house cleaning business with her mom and has basically lost about $200 of monthly income as her minimum wage job was paying. (I'll explain more later) and lost all motivation for cosmetology.

I proposed a 3 week break. I gave her 2 tasks:

1. Attempt your license test. Pass or Fail to remove anxiety and learn what to expect. (In my state you can take 1 test after 18, instead of permit and license 6 months apart like most)

2. Debate whether or not you want kids, weigh all pros and cons and make a choice as it s a non-negotiable thing for my future.

And I saw progress, she came back with a license and was open to having kids. But most importantly she matured. I've explained I fell in love with the girl in school who focused and did her work, so much so it made me want to work harder to impress her or achieve her respect. But I was frustrated we had to go that far just to keep up with life.

Now before I get into the house cleaning, I believe some context of her parents relationship comes into play.

Dad is a trucker and is damn good. 6k-8k a month during a good season. 6 days a week, and never home. Therefore his love language is money. He's been providing and spoiling his only child and wife since day 1 and is a kind, respectful person.

Mom was working a desk job and bringing income to help, got laid off and worked at the same minimum wage job as her daughter for a few months then they started house cleaning.

As they started passing out business cards at the restaurant to the retired folks and gaining a few clients by word of mouth they now work about 20 days a month doing 1 house a day. This translates to about 500-700$ a month kicked down to My GF.

I offered to bring them as a guest to my smaller marketing groups and show them the way to networking and growing with referrals. I've explained I am an open book and am willing to share and pass cards out on there behalf when I can, but have received no draw to grow.

I can see the dynamic. Dad makes enough, they bring in something. Live lavish when he's on the road (thrifting, hobby lobby, tjmaxx, fast food, ect.) Then when he's home its time to clean the house and do yard work and get groceries for them for the week and his meals on the road.

To no avail I still pay all my bills and provide food for the weekends, date nights to in n out, all the dispensary runs on my dime, and drive everywhere.

I finally decided to take a step forward and buy a second car. It needed a new engine and in total about $1500 worth of work. But it was something to build suspense and give that taste of freedom as she had her license and was gaining confidence in driving her mom's vehicle around town.

We agreed to go 50/50 and she would use it to get to and from work and I would have access to it for errands

(I hate going to the dispensary in a business van with my phone number on it😂)

I just received the final parts to finish the vehicle and the running total is:

Me: $1563 Her: $816

The final straw was my birthday celebration. We took a road trip to my families cabin for memorial day weekend.

All weekend she was silent and distant. I asked maybe 10 times what was wrong with no response. After that weekend my mom expressed how she wished my partner was happy for my birthday and brought to my attention that I received no gift from her. I shrugged it off, this conversation was Sunday, my bday was wednesday, and she would be back on Friday for the weekend. But I kinda made my mind up if nothing happened I was gonna move on. That night she expressed how she hates being around my family as they make her feel stupid and unincluded although I seem to be blind to everything and she has no specific instances to prove anything unfriendly.

The the weekend came after a week of dry texting and excessive depressing reposts from her TikTok account.

No gift, 150$ out of my pocket for food drinks and activities and the same shitty feeling.

Pros: She cleans my 1b1b apartment every weekend, does my skincare for me on the weekends, loves to shower with me, will chip in for snacks and more expensive dates, and is a warm body to sleep next to, ect...

Cons: I do all the cooking, no help with bills, and trash and laundry is "my job", and no intimacy unless I initiate.

How would you break up with this person?

1. I want her to succeed but I enable her modeling.

2. She put money into that car and I dont want anyone to feel taken advantage of no matter who ends up owning it.

3. We have shared items/personal items in my home.

4. Amlicable is best.

Any advice is appreciated and if any clarification is needed please comment!