u/BunchBeneficial8786

a random video popped up on my feed of someone with BPD describing a split

- Oh a small thing happened and I'm triggered

- now I'm super angry

- I ask you to stop but you don't

- I get even angrier, I say things I don't mean but I do but I don't, but I do a bit, I go from 0-100

- It takes days to calm down

What stopped me in my tracks was they said they asked someone to stop, and they didn't, and I guess I just wonder where that came from, I'm not saying ppl with BPD haven't been harmed by anyone ever, I guess I just thought of all the times I asked my exwbpd to stop, and he didn't, it'd get worse and the things I'd do to trigger him was simply ask him to treat me fairly lol.

and someone in the comments said " and this is why it's important for folks with BPD to do the work to regulate themselves " and they got dogpiled hard, like crazy hard, and I don't even think they said anything wrong?

all the other comments were " aha BPD splits over the smallest things go brr " wtf? lol.

I had to block the words completely off my Instagram, I don't want to see what they're thinking because my exwbpd never wanted to know what I was thinking or seemed to care.

I used to follow alot of accounts trying to understand his side but it was so triggering because it felt like none of these creators expect for one of them where doing anything about their symptoms or actions and I hadn't seen a video in such a long time, idk why I clicked on it but never again.

I remember being so angry seeing my ex following the one creator who was in therapy, doing the work, had coping skills and silently wishing he'd do them without me suggesting or begging just to be shut down.

Idk, Its been sitting with me for a few days, so I just had to share and get it off my chest.

Anyone else have experiences with having to block the words BPD and any variation of the word off their social media for their literal sanity?

I leave in three months and this mental, physical and emotional fatigue is like no other.

I've talked to my close friends, and two elder figures in my life since January about my exwbpd and each time, I see them move from being annoyed and calling it " immature behavior " to flat out telling me I've been abused. It feels difficult for me to say, I mince and flower the word, I dance around it, it sits heavily in my heart and mind.

While I'm being told their actions were abusive, they're at the club, and on their third relationship while I sit at home with their dog they can't bother to take care properly, and my cats, worried about when the quiet will end and what will happen, another spilt, another fight, another attempt to me they still care about me? Attempts to try get me to accept their third relationship, attempts to put responsibility on me that isn't mine to hold? (example, they don't take the trash out due to 'disability', I do, or my roommate does, they left it on the ground, didn't crate or gate their dog and the dog chewed through the trash before I woke up, they tried to blame me for not getting to it fast enough despite not doing preventive shit with the trash bag despite knowing the dog eats through bags) or being angry with me that I was to sign off joint contracts. (it will happen no matter what, I want my credit score back)

each day and night I struggle with migraines, and sleeping, and often wake up in panics, we don't sleep together anymore but I don't feel psychologically safe to get through the night after three years of fighting/splits going well into the early morning, and it takes forever to go to bed thinking about the last three years, and trying to find any acceptance in that I was abused.

I don't ever want to be in a relationship like this again, i have alot of work to do, and I'm tired.

Hello folks,

I wanted to wait a bit before coming back to this thread so I could gather more information about my recovery story to support others. Now that I have more to share, I hope my experiences can help.

Remember, these are my own experiences; everyone's bodies and healing journeys can be different, even when going through similar things.

I was diagnosed with H. pylori after a COVID19 infection, and struggled for a year and a half before getting a diagnosis. I had random panic attacks not normal to my regular anxiety, chest pain, aggressive burping, constipation and loose stool/diarrhoea and often had a green/yellow and extremely dark brown color to my stool, I could not hold food down and lost about 12 pounds throughout my two year journey, I had severe brain fog and was 100% bed bound for nearly three months, this diagnosis was one of the major parts of why I went on medical leave for seven months to heal.

After my diagnosis, I did not finish my first round of antibiotics, for interpersonal reasons I don't wish to discuss. Following multiple ER visits, this prompted my medical leave to focus on my second round and recover from being so ill.

I took Prilosec OTC and Pylera as my antibiotics, Zofran for the intense nausea, and to prevent me from vomiting up my medication, in general. I also took psyllium to help get shit moving along, literally, for two weeks, three times a day. I struggled a lot for those two weeks and ended up in the ER again due to severe dehydration. I am very lucky to have had friends who showed up for me, sitting with me while I took my meds, and helping me make and buy smoothies, broths, and different flavors of applesauce as I started to hate the regular flavor. I really recommend those squeeze pouches, y'all, idc if they're for 'kids' lol. I was lucky to be able to get medical leave, and don't discount it; it helped me heal so that I didn't have to do this while working and tending to daily life, which was a part of the reason my first round failed. That's just me.

Now, I'm about six months out of a negative result from the breath test with the rotten Pepsi drink mix we need to take before, iykyk. As my brain fog has mostly cleared, I went back to work in January. The first few months were very difficult, so I encourage others to take care when they return to school, work, or general life—whatever that looks like for you. I can focus on tasks for about an hour at a time before taking a short break, then getting back into the zone. To support my concentration, I'm creating low-distraction spaces to do my work, as phones and games are easier on the brain, and I tend to reach for them when I get frustrated with work. It takes time.

As for my diet, I can eat again and keep food down; I can't tolerate dairy at all anymore, I can't eat pork, and I have dropped my beef intake. I tend to eat fish, chicken, tofu, white beans, and eggs right now for protein.

This infection also left me with very low iron and anemia, which I'm addressing now, and I often eat fiber-dense foods like dark leafy greens, fruits, and nuts, discussing vitamins with my doctor and planning to see a nutritionist to help with this.

I also can no longer eat fast food, as it triggers what I call an "attack" and I'm back to being enemies with the toilet. I drink coffee maybe 1-2 times every week and can only handle small cups with oat milk. I only drink 1 drink socially every few weeks and have had no issue with that.

Additionally, I'm Latin, so I do like spicy food sometimes, but I've dropped from being a spicy-food enjoyer to a mild spice level, and sometimes even low, again to avoid an attack.

Similarly, I can't eat much junk food anymore, i.e., Doritos, Debbie snacks, pizza rolls, etc. I have to eat them in severe moderation and stop when my stomach gives me the signal, even if I want more.

I've learned, and continue to learn, about my body's signals, what triggers my GI symptoms, and what is safe. I must digest my food before doing most activities, and especially before bed, before I lie down, which I struggle with sometimes, as I have depression and fatigue from Long COVID and this infection, but I'm getting better at this.

I eat a lot of fermented foods too, which helps and are yummy in my opinion. I shop at H-Mart and the farmers markets. If you have food snaps in most us states, some markets do deals!) more often now. I budget carefully, and I find it easier to do so with what I've had to cut out, but I also recognize these options can be inaccessible. I’ve become best friends with Instacart to look over my options, and it saves me time since I'm tired more often than not. Please don't feel ashamed of using these tools.

I'm also really grateful that I've gained about eight pounds back and am in a healthier weight category.

I want to tell folks that the days and nights of lying on bathtub floors, finding it difficult to face yourself in the mirror, pain, brain fog, and difficulties with food can get better, but I encourage folks to manage their expectations. It will take a while to get where I want to be, and it took a while to get where I am now. You must be willing to change some aspects of your diet and lifestyle, be aware of your body, and take care of it as it recovers.

I hope my story can help. I'm happy to answer questions, too. Please take your antibiotics, push through, sometimes it might not work the first time but I encourage folks to try again, (some folks are med resistant I know from the thread, be aware and talk to the doctors about your options) get a friend to support you, complain in the thread and get comfortable with low brain energy activities like youtube videos (I like crafting ones and history talks!), legos (I did alot of the ones geared towards kids to give my brain a break) and coloring pages (again, kid based ones or easier less overstimulating ones, those adult coloring books hurt my brain) and easy word searches, create a nest in your bed to recover in, retreat too, add bathroom decals to your shower, or cute bathroom accessories if you have found your bathroom now triggers anxiety to support a new relationship with it as I did and go easy on yourself. Those who haven't been through this, dont understand how this infection essentially reeks havoc on your entire body.

I'm wishing everyone well on their journey.

my ex has started his third relationship since we broke up in January but this time, started it inside the house we're still sharing until our lease is up. He told mutual and his friends about this and I'm angry and embarrassed, most of his friends just ' want him to be happy ' but our mutual friend is angry at him which is relieving but Its absolutely insane no one else told him " hey dude, kind of fucked not to keep it outside the house " but he probably wouldn't have listened anyways, so what's the point.

I want to move out so terribly bad and never talk to him again, I called him selfish and sneaky, and some other things I probably shouldn't have but this feels so difficult, and I can't believe I continue to be treated like this. I know I should've continued grey rocking, ignoring, etc but this has been a very hard week and experience to go through on top of so much.

he says " its unexpected " and " the feelings came out of no where " when he's only known this person for a month, and Im so frustated this other person thought this was okay that I have to wonder if something is wrong with them. I've seen him use relationships (and polyamory) as a distraction for a long time and it's put me off from relationships and probably what's broken the camals back on non monogamy for me.

I just feel angry, I'm tired of him saying he wants this break up to go cordial and still cares about me but does this, amongst still subjecting me to his unregulated emotions and splits.

who tf does this stuff

he can jump from relationship to relationship and I sit here wondering if I'll ever trust again and deleted all the apps because someone telling me they liked to see people frequently was triggering for some reason, I guess considering how much time, life and energy my ex sucked out of me.

fucked up lol

I just wanted to vent about it I guess

I blocked him on everything after this so I guess maybe something good came out of it because for awhile it felt too hard and scary too

My biggest grief in my relationship as I get ready to move is my exwPWD has a nonprofit, they do things that are considered honorable, kind and supportive and seem to understand being intentional, thoughtful and pouring into that kind of work but it never extended to me despite I pouring my energy into him and that work, as I'm someone who cares about helping other people too.

I've felt crazy for months seeing how he would treat people who accessed his events and resources for months, seeing how kind he was, how accountable he was to feedback, how much effort and time he put into it.

Yet, if I asked for half of what he gave to the nonprofit, there was an argument, he would get defensive, he would do it but half assed, he would ruin the dates but staying in bad mood, he would say I didn't understand the pressure despite my full time job being in education, and helping with his events, often when no one else could.

I've never understood this, and I struggled with people pleasing and feeling selfish, but how could I be selfish when all I asked for was some effort, kindness and time poured into me the way I was asking for it? not quick fix presents and love bombing dates and gestures.

How ridiculous that I was trying to get attention after he would have weeks of event planning and meetings, to be told after the event was done, while carrying his emotions through it all, just to be told he was too tired or forget completely, like I wasn't tired either.

Its been three years of feeling like a emotional punching bag and outlet for sex, a constant to do things he said no one else would do for him and everyone was the same, and all I would want is a clean house, and to have a conversation without getting into it, to be given time to rest, for my food i made even when tired to be appreciated. It was one of the things that made me fall for him, I admired the work he does, and I still do but it still confuses me how he could treat me like this, and makes me really sad and angry.