u/Bunka_Boom — reddlx

Will there be a hold on a large gift sent to my account?

A family member is gifting me a little over 10k for a down payment on a home I am in the process of purchasing. I have never been sent this much money and I am concerned that there will be a hold on the money, which could slow down the purchasing of the home. I tried to look it up on the FAQ but I don't think I'm using the proper search terms because nothing is coming up.

What's the best way to have them send the money to me?
Will there be a hold on the money, and if so, how long?

Thank you! I love that there's a subreddit for this.

reddit.com

u/Bunka_Boom — 4 days ago

▲ 267 r/germanshepherds

Facing Housing Change with Fear Reactive GSD - resources or advice?

I’ve been avoiding making a post on here because I am ashamed and feel like a failure.

In 2023, I got my German Shepherd, Axel. My ex’s family had gotten him but kept him in a kennel all the time, pretty much only letting him out to go to the bathroom. He was one of 4 dogs in a fairly aggressive environment. When my ex would let Axel outside, Axel would have a tucked tail, ears flat, and an overall skittish demeanor. I’ve helped train 3 labrador service dogs, and I thought Axel just needed a calm, loving enviornment where he could gain confidence. When they said they were getting rid of him, I immediately bought Axel from them. He was 11 months old. I had done some basic research on GSDs and I thought it would be a good fit.

About a month after I got Axel, I had surgery on both my arms, and then I lost my job. My mental health suffered, and my financial situation got pretty bad. (I’m employed now, but barely above the poverty line.) I didn’t have a good structure, boundaries, or consistency with Axel.

Very quickly, Axel started exhibiting what I believe is fear reactive behaviors towards people and animals. I have gone through spurts of trying to train him (like, 3 month spurts). I was taught to use positive reinforcement, but he completely ignores any treats or reward I try to give him. I try to interrupt the behavior, use body blocking … once he sees someone/something, it’s tunnel vision. I took him to a trainer once, they wanted me to use choke collars, yell NO, and yank the leash whenever he lunged at someone. I had read a lot online about how GSDs need prong collars, whatever, and even though it was completely against what I feel is right, I tried it for a few months. I stopped. It wasn’t working and was breaking my heart.

July 2025 I had to take him to the emergency vet for 6 or 7 stitches on his leg … he broke the inside layer of my window jumping at it, barking at someone walking on the sidewalk outside my house. My brother lived with me for a bit, if we were sitting on the couch, and my bro stood up while I was sitting down, Axel would lunge and snap at him. I hesitate to say he has bitten, because it is more of a warning, he has “mouthed” my brother. Nothing that breaks skin, bruises, or hurts, but it is still a “bite” I guess. If I am around, my sister is the only human he is comfortable with.

If I am not around him, and he is not in our house, he reverts to being skittish/ears back. I know this because my parents have watched him a few times. He gets along with their tiny dog, in their home. My mom will walk Axel to my car, and then once he is in my car, Axel will start viciously barking and snapping at her.

I live alone, and I feel safe sleeping because I know Axel will deter anyone from entering. But, I also have so much anxiety that he will get loose and someone will get hurt. I have a lead outside, and I watch him when he goes out, because he has pulled it from the ground before. I am scared to walk him, he is too strong for me, has terrible leash habits, and barks/snaps/lunges at any living thing around.

I work 10-12 hours a day 5-6 days a week. I try to give him peanut butter kongs, bones, I throw balls in the house for him, but I know he is not getting enough mental stimulation or physical activity.

He is still intact. I didn’t have the money to neuter him before, now I could probably afford it, but I don’t think it’s safe to leave him alone for 12 hours a day while he is recovering.

In around 3-6 months, I will be moving to a different state to rent from a family friend. They have not explicitly said I cannot have Axel yet, they are currently saying they are uncomfortable. I do not have money to train him. I do not believe I am giving him a fair life. My sister looked into GSD rescues, none of them have openings, or they only take from shelters. I fully believe that if he goes to a shelter he will eventually be put down, and I just can’t do that.

I don’t know what to do. I am so overwhelmed and ashamed. I thought I knew what I was doing, what I was getting into, but I did not. I know Axel deserves better than what I have given him. I thought I was saving him, and I have given him a better situation, but it’s still not good. I am so sorry.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

u/Bunka_Boom — 1 month ago

▲ 1 r/BDSMPsychology

Trying to process the past and live authentically in the present - advice or understanding welcome

This is long - my ADHD often makes it hard to summarize. My main questions in this rambling mess are:

How do I process my last unhealthy D/s relationship?
How do I reconcile my desire to be a strong, equal, independent woman with my desire to be a sub/babygirl?

I was raised very religious in a strict, dysfunctional home. Growing up, I had several head injuries, my most damaging at 16. I couldn't go to school for 6 months, and turned to the internet for socialization. I started acting out sexually and putting myself into dangerous situations. When I went to college, my naivete about the world mixed with my newly found freedom in a devastating way. I had no boundaries and thoughtlessly put myself into risky situations. I was desperate to feel wanted and loved, in any capacity.

I quickly found BDSM, left the church (also left college) and immersed myself into the kink lifestyle. For the first time, I felt truly accepted and part of a community. I went to a few events, had several interactions and a couple long term relationships. I ended up in a serious D/s relationship. It was very unhealthy. At the time, I just thought I wasn't being a good enough sub or masochist. When he got angry with me for using my safe word, I learned to never use my safe word again. I'm not going to go into all the salacious details, it's not necessary. A lot of bad stuff happened, a lot of trauma, and my life trajectory was changed forever. I allowed him to ruin my life. Thankfully the relationship ended after 2 years, I don't know where I'd be if it hadn't.

I struggle saying I was in an abusive relationship. I - quite literally - asked for it, didn't I? I should have had better boundaries. I could have said, "hey, I don't want to scene with you when you've been drinking." Or, "I don't feel like I can use my safe word with you without upsetting you, and that's not fair to me." But I didn't. I understand he was an unhealthy, toxic Dom, and I was an unhealthy sub. I don't want to "give BDSM a bad name" because of my experience; I know BDSM can be done in a healthy manner. I don't want to be someone who essentially gave consent in the moment and claims abuse later ... but how else do I frame it? I feel like he took advantage of my desire to please him.

Almost 15 years later, I am struggling with my identity and finding the place I belong. Am I the strong, independent, badass religious woman who can take care of herself? Or am I the good sub, whose only thought and desire should be to make Daddy happy? Is it possible to be a mix of both?

After a deconstructing period, I rejoined my faith. I hate being associated as religious though because of the negative connotations. I try to live it, and don't speak on it unless asked directly. It can conflict with my desire for a D/s relationship. But also, religion is what TAUGHT me to submit.

There are times when I desperately crave having a D/s relationship, times when my life gets so hard and frustrating and lonely that I think, fuck, I wish I had a Dom who could sort this out for me. I wish I had a Dom who told me what to do, my top priority pleasing him. But that is just a fantasy, I could never put all my trust in one man again. Any D/s relationship would have to be confined to the bedroom .... but my carnal side wants those everyday moments of surrender.

I've dated a bit the past few years. I have either found kinky men who only care about the power dynamic and refuse to see me as an equal human being with worth and value, or sweet, vanilla men who could "never" treat a woman like I want to be treated sexually.

Am I asking too much? Is it possible to be with someone who respects me as a woman but can degrade me in the bedroom? Do I simply have too much trauma and baggage to be in any sort of relationship? (I've been in therapy for YEARS, I'm working on it.) Is it possible to be both religious and in a D/s type relationship? How do I balance both? Is it possible to be a sub or a babygirl without losing myself in my Daddy/Dom? Is it possible to be seen as an equal partner in finances, household duties, and everyday life but still have this dynamic? How do I know if it's healthy, if I do find someone like this?

I know these are big questions, and likely not easily answerable. But, if anyone can relate, has advice or direction, I'm open to hearing it. I'm tired of feeling like I am always denying a part of myself. I just want to live authentically and whole.

reddit.com

u/Bunka_Boom — 3 months ago