u/Busy_Initiative_7998

After years of playing TTRPGs together, our group went from five players (two couples + a friend) to six (three couples). Since the new player joined, scheduling has become a nightmare, mostly because she and her boyfriend frequently cancel or give vague answers until the last minute.
Sometimes there are legitimate reasons, but overall, because of them, we’ve only played for about six months out of the last twelve, including two- or three-month gaps. One recent excuse was “I can’t leave the dog alone, he’s not used to it,” despite the fact that they both work full-time outside the house and, until two days ago, the dog was regularly left alone all day.

The important part is that our DM has been privately complaining to the rest of us about this for months. Yesterday, after yet another “I don’t know,” “maybe,” and “I’ll let you know” (which usually means a cancellation on Friday), I suggested setting a fixed weekly day so we’d have some consistency. I explained that months-long breaks make me lose enthusiasm and forget what happened in previous sessions.

Instead, the DM suddenly took the blame on himself and said that setting a fixed day would actually make us play less, that it was pointless, and that we should just leave things as they were.
I messaged him privately and asked why he was now saying something completely different from what he’d been telling us for months. He said he was only venting, that confronting the player directly was pointless, and that “you need diplomacy in life.” Eventually he snapped and said, “Then you deal with him!”
I tried talking to the player, but he ignored me and only replied to the DM.

I’ve also suggested several times that we run a parallel campaign with the three players who are consistently available, but the DM refused. He says the pre-written campaign can’t be adapted and that it’s impossible to play with so few people. His alternative was adding two more players so we could play regardless of who showed up. Unfortunately, one of the people he suggested is a woman I’ve repeatedly said I don’t want in the group because she has flirted with my boyfriend.
I don’t think the DM has to confront or blame anyone, but I do think that if a player’s repeated absences are preventing the campaign from functioning, the DM should facilitate a conversation about it rather than complain privately for months and then tell another player to deal with it.

AITA for asking my DM to address the problem with the player?

Hi everyone, I’m writing because I’d really like some feedback on a situation that has been causing me quite a bit of anxiety.

We’re a group that, after years of playing together (several relatively short campaigns in various TTRPGs), went from having five players (two couples + a friend) to six players (three couples). Ever since this addition, we haven’t been able to meet regularly anymore, mainly because of excuses made by the friend and his girlfriend, the new player. Sometimes the excuses we’re given are honestly ridiculous (“I can’t leave the dog alone, he’s not used to it”), even though they both work full-time outside the house and, until the day before yesterday, the dog was left alone all day. There have also been genuine emergencies and unavoidable circumstances, but especially because of this friend, over the past twelve months we’ve only actually played for a total of six months — and we’ve also gone two or three months in a row without playing.

With that in mind, and considering that the DM has been complaining privately to the rest of us for months without ever addressing the issue directly, yesterday, after yet another “I don’t know,” “maybe,” “I’ll let you know” (which usually turns into a cancellation on Friday evening), I was the one who asked whether we could perhaps pick a fixed day to play, so that we could eliminate all the uncertainty. I also pointed out that taking breaks lasting several months makes me lose enthusiasm, and, more importantly, I forget what happened in previous sessions.

At that point, the DM responded by taking the blame upon himself and saying that having a fixed day would actually mean we’d play less, that it was pointless, and that we should just leave things as they were.
I contacted him privately and asked why he was now saying things that were completely different from what he had been telling us privately for months, whenever the other player wasn’t around. He replied that he had only been venting, that there was no point in confronting the player directly, and that “diplomacy” was necessary in life, because without it you wouldn’t get anywhere.
Eventually, he snapped and said, “Then you fight with him!”

I tried talking to the player, but him ignored me and only responded to the DM.

Over the course of these months, I had also suggested to the DM that we could run a parallel campaign and play with just four people (three players and the DM), even without the two players who keep cancelling on us, but he didn’t want to do that. He also refused to continue the campaign without the player and his girlfriend who keep cancelling, saying that it was impossible to play with so few people and that pre-written campaigns couldn’t be adapted. He shut everyone down by saying that he was a very experienced DM and that he “knew” what he was talking about.
His counterproposal was to expand the group by adding two more players and simply play regardless of how many people showed up. The problem is that the person he suggested to essentially replace the two unreliable players is a girl I’ve repeatedly said I cannot stand (she flirted with my boyfriend).

So, AITA, or should the DM have said something to the player?

Hello everyone! I’d like to hear your opinion because, even after years of self-analysis and therapy, I still can’t figure it out.

Bullying is one of the repeated traumas that eventually led to C-PTSD. For almost my entire life, no matter what environment I’m in, it somehow always ends up with me being bullied or mobbed at work. I was bullied by teachers in elementary school, by peers in middle school and high school, even at university, on vacation, and even when interacting with friends’ relatives… and I don’t understand why it’s always me.

I’m neither exceptionally beautiful nor unattractive (the best period was actually when I was underweight, blonde, and conventionally pretty, but even then I was never really safe from bullying), and it doesn’t change whether I talk a lot or very little: it feels like I have a target on my forehead.

My question is: what characteristics or behaviors do you think trigger these reactions? There must be something, if it even happens with strangers…

Hello, I’m writing this post to gather some opinions… I’m feeling very confused.

I went to a Gestalt psychotherapist for about three and a half years. On one hand, he did help me, and I don’t deny that (I am doing better now). On the other hand, there were a series of things that left me feeling uneasy and eventually led me to stop seeing him.

The things that made me uncomfortable:

1. ⁠He refused to give me an ADHD assessment; not because he thought I didn’t meet the criteria (actually, apparently he saw me that way too), but because he believed diagnoses only serve to make people easier to categorize and turn them into victims of marketing (although later he told me I had CPTSD);

2. ⁠He often interrupted me and said he “wasn’t in the mood to hear complaints,” and that therefore I could also stop accepting other people’s complaints. But I also needed someone I could talk to and vent to;

3. ⁠He often rescheduled appointments and was not punctual. That wouldn’t have been a huge issue if it hadn’t been for the last “incident”: before the summer break (he never told me when it would end), he rescheduled my appointment several times, then asked me to meet within the next hour (it was 3 p.m. and I was supposed to see him at 4), and when I told him I couldn’t because I was working, he never replied to me again… and we never saw each other after that, because I didn’t know when the summer break ended and an anxiety cycle started that made me unable to contact him;

4. ⁠He explicitly told me what he thought I should do (he told me to move in with my boyfriend);

5. When I explained my sexual orientation to him, he told me he thought labeling sexual orientations was absurd;

6. ⁠He tried to persuade me to join some kind of paid experiential group, which triggered an anxiety attack because I had to refuse (he apologized after I burst into tears).

I’m very confused. I feel guilty for ending therapy, but it also felt like I was throwing money away. I realized that I often censored myself so I wouldn’t look bad in front of him, wouldn’t upset or disappoint him, and also because I was afraid he might see me as “crazy,” for lack of a better term.

Did he behave poorly toward me, or was I the one in the wrong?

Hello, I’m writing this post to gather some opinions… I’m feeling very confused.

I went to a Gestalt psychotherapist for about three and a half years. On one hand, he did help me, and I don’t deny that (I am doing better now). On the other hand, there were a series of things that left me feeling uneasy and eventually led me to stop seeing him.

The things that made me uncomfortable:

1. He refused to give me an ADHD assessment; not because he thought I didn’t meet the criteria (actually, apparently he saw me that way too), but because he believed diagnoses only serve to make people easier to categorize and turn them into victims of marketing (although later he told me I had CPTSD);

2. He often interrupted me and said he “wasn’t in the mood to hear complaints,” and that therefore I could also stop accepting other people’s complaints. But I also needed someone I could talk to and vent to;

3. He often rescheduled appointments and was not punctual. That wouldn’t have been a huge issue if it hadn’t been for the last “incident”: before the summer break (he never told me when it would end), he rescheduled my appointment several times, then asked me to meet within the next hour (it was 3 p.m. and I was supposed to see him at 4), and when I told him I couldn’t because I was working, he never replied to me again… and we never saw each other after that, because I didn’t know when the summer break ended and an anxiety cycle started that made me unable to contact him;

4. He explicitly told me what he thought I should do (he told me to move in with my boyfriend);
   When I explained my sexual orientation to him, he told me he thought labeling sexual orientations was absurd;

5. He tried to persuade me to join some kind of paid experiential group, which triggered an anxiety attack because I had to refuse (he apologized after I burst into tears).

I’m very confused. I feel guilty for ending therapy, but it also felt like I was throwing money away. I realized that I often censored myself so I wouldn’t look bad in front of him, wouldn’t upset or disappoint him, and also because I was afraid he might see me as “crazy,” for lack of a better term.

Did he behave poorly toward me, or was I the one in the wrong?