u/ButterBiskitSock

I’m still a baby stoner but my therapist recommends using marijuana to manage my mental health and physical pain from my disabilities.

On average I smoke maybe one bowl a day throughout the day instead of in one sitting. Maybe two bowls if I’m in a lot of pain or having an episode. One or two hits from my bong usually gets me where I want to be for a few hours.

Sometimes I smoke more whenever my professional stoner buddy comes over but that’s just to make sure he doesn’t smoke all my bud because he can go through like four bowls in minutes.

My cat broke my bong today though and I’m really struggling with my mood and the pain. Mostly the pain is making me moody. I ordered a new bong but it won’t be here for 2-5 days.

I’m worried about developing an addiction although I’m not really craving the weed itself but rather the pain is making me want relief. I don’t know, I’m largely uneducated about weed.

I (TM23) may have made a huge mistake. My FP(M24) tends to be pretty self destructive and last week he ended up downloading Grindr and hooking up with two random older men.

For some stupid reason I thought it’d be a good idea to do the same thing. I hadn’t had irl sex for two years and honestly I was jealous that my FP is getting attention from random men instead of me. We used to have a sexual online relationship but I ended up getting too attached and acted like we were in an actual relationship. Sometimes we still talk…suggestively to each other but I’m sure it’s a joke on his end. We’re both hypersexual from trauma so really it’s just that.

Anyways, I downloaded Grindr and immediately got messaged by a trans woman. I’m bisexual so of course I have no issues with that as I’m a trans man so maybe someone who’s also trans would be safe.

She was really sweet and made me feel very special before, during, and after sex. Honestly the most special I’ve ever felt in my life. She’s the first person to ever find my body attractive and to actually touch me back during sex. I know she has two girlfriends so obviously this wouldn’t turn into anything romantic but I find myself missing her three days later.

Unfortunately the enthusiasm in her texts from before sex to after sex has diminished. I’m hoping she’s just busy. She did allude to us hanging out again and being friends with benefits or just friends. I have no irl friends so I’m kinda desperate for attention. I can’t stop thinking about how wonderful it was to cuddle with her. I hadn’t felt the touch of another human being for two years.

How do I cope with this sudden intense attachment? I know realistically she isn’t into me romantically. I just kinda hoped that hooking up would make her like me. I feel like a fool texting her good morning every day. Insert that gif of the jester dancing for the queen.