u/Caffeine_Beann

I know the obvious answer here will be to speak to my local priest but before I do I wanted to seek some insight.

Long story as shortened as I can make it: I was born Catholic, baptized, received Holy Communion and had my Confirmation. Husband was born Catholic, baptized and received Holy Communion. He never received his Confirmation.

In my teens I left the church (lukewarm Christian household), became agnostic/atheist, got into new age which turned into the occult.

Met my now-husband in 2014, lived together from 2015 onward before getting married in 2021. Found God on my own in 2020 but was searching for “less strict” churches like non-denominational. Didn’t quite click with them. Found my way back to the Holy Catholic Church only last year and finally began attending Mass this June.

I did many confessions since that time and I was absolved for them all, including marrying outside the church, premarital relations, occult practices, ect. I unknowingly thought that meant I was allowed to receive Communion and only recently learned that’s not true. I feel so guilty for receiving now.

My husband is very much agnostic and he is not someone who will want to go back to church. He is also very against having children. I agreed to it years ago because that’s what I thought I wanted and now I know having marital relations with someone the church does not recognize as my husband is also a sin.

I am lost for what to do. My husband is a wonderful man. But he is not a religious man.

Has anyone gone through this before? Or know of a similar issue? I pray to God of course but I also ask St. Monica to intercede for his conversion back to the church.

I’m open to all advice 🤍

I feel so conflicted.

Long story short: I’m 35, husband is 37. Been together 12 years, married 5. I was a longtime fence sitter and decided due to costs and some personal reasons that we shouldn’t have kids. This past year I’ve changed my stance on abortion (for myself, not others), knowing I couldn’t go through with it. Husband was furious and stressed. I cannot be on BC because of hormonal issues. Husband cut down intimacy but A LOT. We are still best friends but our intimacy is maybe once a month, if that.

Last week, I’m walking through Target and saw the baby area and headed towards it. I saw this little denim dress with the vintage style Winnie the Pooh characters along the bottom and started crying.

I’m not pregnant, I don’t think I want kids, I feel envious when I see others with their kids. I feel so incredibly confused. How can I be crying over something I’m not even sure I want?

Just venting but wanted to see if others ever felt this.

I’ve made a previous post, maybe less than a month ago about not desiring children (and yes, I know…we are called to be open to life). Husband does not want children, I agreed that I felt the same years ago when we got married. Now I have reverted back to Catholicism. He has not, but he accepts that I am attending Mass and identify as a Catholic again.

So the topic of children. I still have not gained this desire to become pregnant and go through birth

HOWEVER

the last couple times I was in Mass I would see women holding their babies or young children in their arms with their husbands. I always smile even if they don’t see me because I find it very sweet. Never thought much of it, but the last two times or so I felt (shamefully) a wave of jealousy. Maybe not jealousy because I was truly happy for them but a desire to have the same….even though I don’t feel a pull into motherhood. I saw another family, husband and wife with their teenage son all together, holding shoulders and hands during Mass and I started tearing up.

I know this is probably a sign from God but my husband is more against kids than ever right now. I feel confused and unsure of what to do.

Any advice from anyone who maybe has gone through something similar?

I am feeling shame, guilt, disappointment in myself, and a sense that I am doing something wrong.

Long story short: both cradle Catholics, married for 5 years, together for 12, I was a lapsed Catholic who became agnostic and in 2020 I was pulled back towards God, came back to the Catholic Church this year. He has not, he remains atheist/agnostic. Wedding was not a Catholic wedding. We went into marriage not wanting kids now I’m learning more about my faith and finding we’re meant to have children is a big thing (never knew this growing up in CCD).

I don’t have a major pull towards having kids but I’m not opposed either. He’s firmly against it.

I’m also aware our marriage is not recognized in the Church.

Sooooo what do I do? I attend Mass weekly, I do confession. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do.

He’s a great guy, loves and adores me but now we have different beliefs and faiths and they’re opposing. I’m trying to be gentle and patient and I pray he finds God like I did and comes back but so far no luck.

And lastly, how do I make myself WANT kids? I love other peoples kids but don’t desire my own and I feel like I’m broken :/

I started attending a new church in my area (moved and finally found a great Catholic Church not too far from me) and I noticed on Sundays younger people are wearing….very little lol.

I don’t want to come off as judgmental but I think I was just surprised. I’m also aware that I moved to Florida but the Church is air conditioned. While most of the adults and people around my age (mid 30’s) wore Sunday Mass appropriate outfits some of the younger people wore shorts that had cheeks out, very low tank tops, flip flops and hair in a messy bun.

I do understand I am also at the 8:30AM Mass which can be a bit early for some but it seems like some of them roll out of bed and come in. Daily Mass, sure, but idk I always saw Sundays as a “Dress your best” day, especially at Mass.

Have things changed and now I’m just a mean old lady scowling at the youth? Haha Just wondering if anyone else had noticed this. I also fully understand the “come as you are” statement but it almost feels a little rude to come to a Sunday Mass dressed sloppily or too revealing. Maybe I’m too old fashioned lol.