I need new friends. I have lots of hobbies and interests- museums, nature walks, perfume, drawing, painting, board games, tea, and more. I’m feeling sort of stuck socially. Anyone have any club or event suggestions, or something?
Wow dawg we have been truly platonic friends for so long (except that one time like ten years ago when you had a massive crush on me and we went back to my place then went on one very awkward date) but like, the rest of the time throughout the course of knowing you I’ve felt that you have been a comfortable platonic friend who is fun and entertaining and I get along with. Except this time when we hung out it was super weird that it felt like a date to me, not in an awkward way but in a “I kinda wish I could hug you and hold ur hand and ur freckles are so cute and it’s oddly endearing how concerned you are about me dropping my phone” kind of way. And how basically out of nowhere I wanna kiss ur jaw and big spoon you but I also kinda want you to choke me lmao. I sometimes wonder if you are a switch, if we would get along in that way if we tried again.
Anyways, idk what’s going on with me, or why I’ve randomly developed a crush on you, it’s super confusing, and it’ll pass. I wonder if it’s partly like an emotional transference after the hormonal ups and downs of getting ghosted. What helps it pass is remembering that you say fatphobic stuff about yourself and just generally seem pretty preoccupied with not being fat which thankfully helps quell my crush on you. Because like, I’m fat, and so if I actually slept with you it would be sort of like a form of self harm since it feels like you hate fat people. If that makes any sense. Also the fact that we are both pretty clearly depressed and a little directionless right now, and you really want kids and I just don’t think I could ever birth a kid. I know I forgot to say this, but you’d make a great parent btw.
ANYWAYS. Sorry for making our hangout time super fucking weird for a second and getting weirdly awkward. That was a lot, lmao. Idk if it’s because you have had so much anxiety in your life, but like you really handled it well. And in general, I know you said that you feel unnattractive right now and depressed but like, what’s weird is that you seem a little more self-assured and a little more grounded than ever before.
Well, I have a date coming up soon with a cute dude so I’m hoping that redirects my brain.