u/Candid-Choice-7957

i always feel like theres a subtle 'expectation' that because im a woman i must want to get married and have kids. This has never at any point been the case for me. I love that other people find joy in it but i always try to avoid the subject with other catholics. I have never liked kids, personally. By that I dont mean i wish any ill-will on kids whatsoever, i just generally am not a fan of them at all. I guess this post is mostly about babies - i dont find them cute at all. I get really uncomfortable being asked all the time when im going to get married and have kids, and then I have to answer honestly "never" and get the wide-eyed judgemental looks, the gasps, and then having to explain myself. I genuinely dont know how to answer "why not" because i cant conjure up a single thing i like about them. To be completely blunt, i find them (specifically babies, toddlers) rather repulsive, even though I know in my mind that they are blessings and children of God. Im just personally repulsed by them and avoid being around them. I feel bad that I feel this way but its just who i am. I dont have any trauma, ive just always felt this way. I feel like a black sheep and it really sucks. i feel like a defective woman

I was like 9 and developed very early so ive always had large breasts even as a child. She had bought me shirts so i was sitting there without a shirt on as she was making me try on these shirts and at one point she gestured at my chest and yelled "look at you! do you need a BRA??? *Shakes head in disgust* You should be ASHAMED of yourself"

anyways after that i spent years being ashamed of having breasts and did everything i could to hide them, for years i wore these thick vests over my shirt every day to school and at some point stopped showering because i couldnt stand how sick and disgusted i felt every time i had to see or acknowledge they were there and even to this day that feeling is still there.