The Real Ghosts I Grew Up With🕯️
"MY HAUNTED SCHOOL"
People think horror is about ghosts.
But I think horror is anything that teaches your body to stay afraid for years.
My school was haunted.
Not by spirits.
By survival.
Every morning felt like entering a place where I had to prepare myself before even speaking. At home, my parents were already fighting most of the time, so my body never really understood what safety felt like.
And then school became another battlefield.
I still remember group activities the most.
The teacher would smile and say:
“Choose your partner.”
Within seconds, everyone had someone.
Friends moved their chairs together. People laughed. Talked.
And I’d just sit there pretending it didn’t hurt watching nobody choose me.
Sometimes even the people I called friends would avoid sitting with me like I was something embarrassing to be seen beside.
I remember sitting alone so often that even now, an empty bench in college can make my chest tighten.
People think that sounds dramatic.
But fear doesn’t care whether the danger is physical or emotional.
Your body reacts anyway.
Fight. Flight. Freeze.
Math class was the worst.
Teachers would call me to the board while kids laughed behind me because I couldn’t answer fast enough.
For years, I thought I was stupid.
But now I think maybe my brain was never the problem.
Maybe a child who spends every day anxious, ashamed, unwanted, and scared isn’t actually in a state where learning is possible.
Nobody saw that though.
It’s easier to label children.
Dumb. Weird. Quiet. Sensitive.
And the terrifying part is…
after enough years, their voices stop sounding like other people.
They become your own.
Even now, long after school ended, I still catch myself feeling like I’m too much, too awkward, too unworthy to be chosen.
Like somewhere along the way, survival stopped being a temporary state and became my personality.
I remember sitting in class sometimes, staring at nothing, quietly thinking:
“I wish I die.”
And honestly…
I think that’s still the longest-lasting thought I’ve ever had.
Even now, certain things still trigger it somewhere in the back of my mind.
Like some part of me never really learned how to stop wanting an escape.
That’s why I think my school was haunted.
Because some places don’t leave ghosts behind.
They leave versions of you that never learned how to feel safe again.
Sometimes I wonder what she would’ve been like if she hadn’t felt dead inside for so long.
I wish I could see her again.
The little kid who loved art, dancing, expressing herself, talking too much about random things…
Before fear replaced all of it.
In the same life.
Just as the person she was supposed to be.