u/CandyCoatedKiwi

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Hi there I'm about to be 18 in days, 98% of my teens have been me waiting for this so I can leave, got a plan to stay in my aunts living room (its a huge closed off living room since they have 2) but I feel like maybe I've been wrong? Idk maybe ive just been an overreactive teen

So for reason I've wanted to leave

-completely unschooled since 7 even tho I absolutely loved school and have begged to be put back in for many year's (although she says its because im a weird kid and didn't want me to get bullied or to have to deal with learning like she did, although I wasn't even homeschooled since she said that was too much for her to try, which is fair she has alot on her plate already as a mom AND people hate school so maybe its not as important as I think)

- I have a chronic kidney disease but shes refused to take me to the doctors since I was 5 (but shes started taking me again as of 5 months ago since I relapsed bad enough she was worried cps would get called, which I get her concern since last time they were called she was put in jail for a week)

- Refusing to teach how to drive or get a genuine job (I am allowed to do babysitting and dog walking tho, and shes let me go do some craft fairs with the person I babysit for! Also for driving she says me nor my (25 year old) sister will ever be allowed to because it scares her too much, so its not out of mallice)

- family is extremly within the racist, homophobic and conspiracy theory area (they belive earth is flat, vaccines kill people/cause autisim, any celebrity thats dead isnt actually dead, everything's a simulation, space isnt real, dad believes holocaust isnt real mom believes it is but most stuff was a lie, the government are lizards or aliens, they cant make their mind up abt aliens or lizards, and we live in a pod and the answer is in Antarctica, also Antarctica is where all these other fake dead elites are, also they say racist shit constantly and while my mom is herself bisexual shes still somehow super homophobic? But also accepting? She flip flops and my dad is just homophobic but okay with my sister being bi because shes different, and my dad is black but dosent believe in slavery or blm and says all black people are dramatic and says all kinds of racil slurs towards any other race)

-getting belittled (?) Alot (like being called lazy, stupid, r word or I often get "god stop being autistic" even tho im not diagnosed since they dont believe in that stuff and just assume I am but also just use it to insult me not to do anything abt it, although they say its just a joke and I take it too seriously which usually gets another autisim insult thrown in because I guess taking things seriously is an autistic trait?)

- having to stay im my moms room from wake up - 9pm, (this might be the most annoying as its daily, we live in an rv so we're already on top of each other but no instead of staying in my room she gets super upset and says we're abandoning her if we don't come to her room everyday and she gets so upset if we ask to leave "gosh I'm not forcing you to stay in here!" Shd claims but then acts like an abandoned puppy when you leave its just annoying cause I can't even call internet friends or just be in my room to craft unless I wanna be up super late and my dad works from 8am - 10pm so thats why we get to Leave at 9pm so we have time to do chores before he gets home)

Those are the BIG BADS

But like they're people past these things, I have a home (although it is an rv without working water and only one side has power but its still a home) I get fed, I don't pay bills, and the hard thing is while my family can be mean they haven't hit me since I was like 8 (minus my sister hitting me but shes my older sister im pretty sure thats normal for them to hit and hurt you, shes nice otherwise she just has anger issues)

My mom buys us presents for christmas and birthdays (although we aren't doing Christmas anymore as of last year which is fine im abt to be 18 I dont need gifts) I'm allowed 24/7 screen time and have been since I was 5, she trys hard to be a good mom, I mean she constantly worries that she's a bad mom and I don't think a bad mom would do that they would just yk be bad, shes fine with me buying whatever I want with my money and doesn't ask me what anything I order is (although I do wish she'd show some interest in something I do but ik alot kids would perfer how I have it ) my dad gets me stuff when I need it, I'm allowed to have his snacks when im out and I can even have his sodas!

I don't fight with my parent's as I try to not make them mad (I really try to be a good kid but I know I can snap sometimes and I understand why I get punished for that)

I'm alive, hell its not like staying in my moms room is always bad, I bought her a ps4 and xbox so I get to watch her play fallout (she wanted to play fallout 3 and vegas without having to stream it so thats why I got her an xbox since the ps4 didnt have it) and I even have gotten to play on it too! Although my brother did buy me a gaming laptop (he was put in foster care young and lives far away on his own and we call and game sometimes hes the one person im fine with making my mom upset for) so I could game in my room too but atleast I can in moms room now too, and me and mom have good conversations too! Sometimes even laugh! (Although most the time she sits in silence and scrolls through Facebook as she dosent play fallout that often and she dosent like to talk alot so she mostly ignores me)

But like she wants to do something big for my birthday! Which is so sweet of her, and I did a craft fair and she actually asked me abt how it went she showed actual interest which like omg so nice and all shes been talking abt is how excited she is for me to be 18 because no more cps worries (we've gotten them called alot lol, because of the lack of water and as a kid I hated being naked in public spaces so public showers were hard for me especially when puberty started and mom would make comments abt my body so showering with her was something I avoided at all costs, so I was dirty and smelly and anytime I would noticeably relapse where my face would fill with edema it would get cps called) but that means she really wants me to stay with her dosent it? She cares for me alot I know it, I know there's bad but maybe it isnt that bad, I know once I move my aunt said I'll need to get a job and I'm worried with my intelligence I wont be able to land one, I'm only decent at math as its really been hard self teaching myself and I'd say im maybe at like a 5th grade level, I have geometry learned but cant figure out the stuff past that, proper English is hard for me, I'm sure ive improperly used many words and commas, periods, etc etc in this and Its really hard to actually talk to people, I can hold abt a 10 min convo but then I get shaky and words dont form right and so maybe staying here is the better option I mean I'll have dinner always (well I mean my mom usually only makes food for my dad now but I can cook, she provides the ingredients tho) and honestly its not like I'm being beaten everyday and she always points out worse moms than herself and shes right it could be worse like alot worse (she always puts on like bad moms when shes feeling guilty abt herself usually going to like gypsys mom)

Idk I feel sick and like im a horrible kid for trying to move out especially so soon, maybe I owe it to her to stay here longer idk