My dad has been diagnosed with PD over a year ago at 75 years old, at least, that’s what my parents told me about 6 months ago. For background, my parents aren’t the most communicative people. They keep a lot to themselves and believe it’s in everybody’s best interest if not all information around certain situations is shared within the family. They thought one of those situations would be my dad medical condition.
For over a year now, every time I talk to my mother on the phone, she tells me how hard it is at home, but despite my constant suggestions, they flatly refuse to take any concrete steps toward improvement. Whether it’s seeking a second opinion from a different neurologist or adjusting medication that clearly isn't working, they remain stagnant.
It has been over a year of watching them struggle, yet they seem to prefer a slow decline over making any changes. They are becoming more dependent by the week, yet they’ve reached a point where they’d rather miss out on seeing their grandchildren than alter their routine or face the reality of the situation.
The frustration is compounded by my father’s absolute refusal to embrace progress. He rejects a smartphone, refuses internet banking, and avoids anything digital, mostly out of fear. While I understand that fear, he also refuses any help to bridge that gap.
I am done being at their beck and call, constantly stepping in to fix things while they put in zero effort to help themselves.
The mental toll on me is becoming unbearable. I see how heavy this weighs on them, but I can no longer carry the emotional burden of their choices.
In our last phone call, I finally snapped at my mother. I feel guilty because she isn’t the stubborn one, and I know my father acts out of a misguided desire to "help" or protect his dignity. However, by constantly dancing to his tune and enabling his rigidity, even if she does it out of love, she is perpetuating the problem.
I’m stuck in a cycle of resentment and worry, and I honestly don’t know what to do next. Do I set a hard boundary and stop helping with tasks they refuse to learn or modernize?
I feel like I'm grieving people who are still here, while simultaneously being exhausted by their refusal to fight for a better quality of life.
Has anyone dealt with this or has any tips on how I should approach the next conversation with them without it ending in another explosion (if there’s gonna be another conversation…)?