u/Capital-String8980

Does being available give you access?

Coparent and I are in family court. I was the primary parent with 100% of her our toddlers care until this past month. Our child is 18 months old

I wanted full custody but the other parent has since stepped up and has done some semblance of a 2 2 3.

Separation anxiety in our child has increased since this started and there are not sizable safety concerns … just concerns over coercive control and behavior from the other parent which i just endure and try to create a loving and supportive routine for our child despite schemes from the other parent.

Other parent quit their job as soon as the temporary custody and support were ordered (50/50 and other parent pays $200/week.)

Childcare is $400/week and our child loves her daycare! I’ve covered the full cost of this for 5 months since I went back to work.

Court ordered the other parent to pay half.

Now other parent has decided that since they aren’t working they will take our child every day, regardless of whether or not it is my parenting day.

My issue is that control is always present from other parent. This is yet another slippery move that doesn’t benefit our child.

For a number of reasons I would like our child to continue FT at her daycare toddler room. Other parent is claiming that I have an issue with them having constant access to our child. I do

Other parent went from 0 time during pregnancy and infancy to immediate 50:50 and falls short on many things that daycare is providing.

Also if it’s the other parents day if you are available because you are home not working you can just have access to your child?

How do you handle this?

\* I am a teacher so im available all breaks and all summer. Does this mean that I would be able to have our child during all of my off time if the other parent is working?

How do you address this in court/ parenting plan

My child’s father (40) and I (40) have had a rough past couple of years but have worked out our issues for the sake of our 1yr old. We are Christian (which doesn’t mean a lot of great things these days lol) but I say in the sense that forgiving one another, accepting one another and working on putting our family back together with peace and respect is absolutely the goal for both of us.

Throughout the pregnancy and first year of our child’s life my parents were under the impression that he wouldn’t stick around to be a father and even I thought and said pretty shitty things about him. I had my reasons of course - but I was over the top in my assumptions about him. My parents followed suite with acting on the bad things that I had said about him and they did not form a relationship with him and actively hoped that he would not be in our child’s life.

However, my parents also have been completely unsupportive of me as well. It is a very toxic weird household that my parents have. Despite inviting them to do things with my child and I dozens and dozens of times over the past year, they never could make the time for me and didn’t even respond to my messages or calls. Pretty far reaching too - ex. They invited everyone to their cabin within the county for 4th of July and went on and on about what a great time they had with the whole family but never invited me and never even responded to my messages asking them what their plans were for 4th of July.

I’ve really been excluded and my child’s father and I discussed it after he noticed this going on over the course of the entire year. He asked me to confront my father point blank and bring it to the surface so they know it’s not ok with us that they blow me and their grandchild off all the time.

That conversation went really awful. My parents said terrible things about me and basically revealed that they have no respect for me and that they could care less about being there as a support system for me in any way. It’s fine because I don’t need them … but needing and wanting are two different things. The things that were said by my mom to me require and apology - it was shocking and horrendous how hurtful and crazy her attack on me was for simply asking why they were excluding me.

Now my mom has been texting my child’s father which is crazy because he’s the one who was wanting to draw boundaries with her bad behavior and being it into the open. She cornered him recently at a party she stopped in to and came up with all of these lies that she was telling him about me. Causing drama and he sees right through it and doesn’t pay it any mind. Neither him or I would ever be comfortable with my parents being alone with our child.

My dad reached out over text to him tonight and asked if he and my mom could spend time with our child (1yr old) some time next week .:: after a year of not being there once - now after they have written me, their daughter and our child’s mother off and disowned me, … now they are trying to go behind my back to finally at long last attempt to spend time with our child.

How should we handle this? We absolutely are so over their drama. Shouldn’t they apologize first before they expect access