The love of my life is gone.
I never thought I'd be here but here I am.
On April 14 the love of my life, best friend and soul mate slipped beyond the veil. I am lost, hurt, angry, lonely and resentful of those who don't seem to be hurting enough.
Tiffany was a beacon of light in an otherwise dark world. She was the kind of person that could light to a room with her smile and her beautiful purple eyes.
She was stunning but her real beauty shone from within. She was an international school teacher and taught English to students on 6 of our continents and 8 countries. Her students loved her and she loved them.
Tiffany loved her students, her dog and her people(friends)... in that order.
We always said I was the Cap'n that led the way while she was the torch that lit our path.
We were a team and lived for each other. Now that she's gone the only solace I get is that it is I grieving her and not the other way around.
Without her I truly have no reason to go on. I do not want to go on without her.
When I say that all I hear is "she would want you to move on and be happy". Yeah, easier said than done. I wouldn't blame her if it was the other way around and she was grieving me and didn't want to go on.
We are selfish and want to keep people close to us even if their existence is riddled with pain.
Tiffany was a torchered soul who dealt with immense childhood trauma and abuse.
I know she didn't do this on purpose but I wouldn't be selfish enough to force her to stay on this plane of existence and deal with the pain just for me. She would have done the same for me.
Bottom line is my baby is gone and all the dusty cob webbed corners are cast in shadow again.
She was so luminous it's hard to see her light dim and end.
If anyone has experienced loss like this and has any advice at all to keep me from following her, please help. Any help at all please...