r/askfuneraldirectors

I’ve always wanted to become a funeral director. Ever since I was 10. Culturally my family was *very* against this (“that’s not something that women do” “that’s bad luck” “you have tattoos—no one will want to talk to you”). I was also heavily discouraged when I entered college and I started looking around for apprenticeships, with many saying that I had to be related to someone in the homes around here (we are all local in South Jersey). I gave up on it.

I just turned 29. I am entering my senior year of my Bachelors degree in Psychology. I currently work in Applied Behavior Analytics with autistic children. I have an associates in Pre-K through 3rd Grade Ed. I was planning on becoming a BCBA.

I like it sure. But every time I think of my life, I get sad I never followed any of my career-focused dreams. I’m not good at hard sciences, I’m not smart enough, I’d never have a job, etc. and now I’m old! lol.

I would maybe like to at least try to do something I was really set on. I love the idea of being able to help people through what is essentially the worst day of their lives. I love thanatology. I’ve always been attracted to death in general. I think being a support and being able to come face to face with it is important.

What is it like? Are there actual job opportunities? Decent pay? What are my options after my Bachelors degree—I can’t get private loans and I know that graduate programs are expensive. Would it still be impractical for me as a woman with tattoos? These are all easily covered. I just thought I’d ask! I have no clue where to start.

EDIT: I am currently working towards getting my Pilates certification as well as a side thing, which will take a while. I don’t know if that is relevant.

Hi all! I’ve been in the vet industry for 6 years and for the past year or so have been thinking about a change of careers. I’ve been lucky enough to get an interview for a funeral assistant tomorrow.

I have little relevant experience (have never worked in the funeral industry) but I have a lot of experience working with grief and loss from people losing their pets, as well as coordinating between pet cemeteries and crematoriums and such, which I think is transferable. Many owners have thanked me for my compassion and understanding and helping them with end of life and aftercare of their pets so I think I must be doing something right there. I know it’s not the same as dealing with the loss of people but it’s still difficult and emotionally taxing work that has to be approached with care and tact.

My position would include collecting decedents from hospitals, morgues, nursing homes, and families homes, transporting them to funeral homes and crematoriums, as well as delivering ashes to families, helping set up funerals, pallbearing, and a few other tasks. I’ve been looking to get into the funeral industry for a while but was heavily motivated by the passing of my own grandfather last year and the passion of the people who helped my mum and I organise everything for him.

What do I need to know about the industry in advance? What are some things that may help give me a leg up in the interview process as someone with limited relevant experience? Do you have any tips or tricks for someone wishing to get into the industry?

I work as a driver in a relatively conservative area. Just by the nature of driving, I see others who work the industry and there seems to be a much higher concentration of alternative individuals in the field compared to in the rest of the world, even for a conservative area. By alternative I mean some variation of goth, emo, metalhead, punk, scene, etc. I myself am punk and am curious to see the concentration of other alternative individuals.

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I’ve finally got an interview for my dream job at dignity! I’m aware my facial piercings will need to go and hair natural no problem, what would I need to wear smart casual? What’s the interview process like and anything I may not know I should expect to happen or questions to ask tia

Hello!
I recently lost a cousin by s*icide by h*nging…. At the viewing, he had a large scratch all the way across his face diagonally. There were other scratches too… Not super deep but definitely noticeable & tried to be covered.. The whole family was shocked about it & was wondering why.

What is a possible cause of this either during or after death?? Just transporting maybe? We are just all so confused by so much & we’re already thinking it there could be more to the story… But we also don’t know if that’s just our brains trying to make sense of it.

Thank you 🙏

My family has inherited about 300 plots in a Jewish cemetery in Brooklyn. They're pretty valuable, like $5K+ each I think. I don't intend to use all of them myself and they're burning a hole in my pocket.

From what my parents told me, my grandparents held them for some kind of immigrant mutual aid network in the ‘50s, which has long since dispersed. I don’t know anyone who may have been involved in that community, or their descendants (other than my own relatives). We’ve been using them one at a time whenever a cousin needs one, but I don’t have 300 cousins waiting to die.

How do I go about selling them all?

EDIT: Thank you for all the recommendations of who to contact! To those who think I should not be profiting from property that was intended for aid, I am sympathetic to the view. I have no idea how they came into possession. Legally the plots belonged to my grandparents but they likely intended for the use of their neighborhood of postwar refugees (long since dispersed). My guess is it involved the local burial society, which in traditional Jewish communities is a volunteer group. My family is still deciding what to do.

Can I be sawed in half and buried? Can I be folded up in half and put into a child's casket? Can I be halfway cremated? Can you turn my skull into a cup so my wife can drink out of it?

We are funeral directors and embalmers, not freak show ringleaders. We don't mutilate bodies, and no one wants to accommodate your absolutely ridiculous requests. Are you so hungry for attention that you need some insane funeral, just to make sure you get attention even after death?

(To the mods - I didn't see anything indicating that this type of question would not be allowed, at least from my understanding of the rules. Please remove if I am violating the rules of this sub. If that is that case, please note it is in error.)

I feel that this is an unusual question, but I thought this might be a good place to ask. Please note, I am asking sincerely for advice here.

For some background, I am starting nursing school July 6th, 2026, and the week after on July 13th, I am starting work as a Patient Care Technician (PCT). Before being hired, I was informed that if one of my patients dies while I am on shift, I will be responsible for respectfully asking the family to leave the room (if they are there), cleaning up the body due to bowel evacuation, and placing them in the body bag. I shadowed 3 times for this hospital and had the ability to talk to 3 different PCTs. It didn't feel like the right time to ask to ask about death related care.

I know that I can handle this, I would just like some advice. It's really not a question of "if" I will be responsible for the care of the deceased, it's just a matter of when.

My only prior experience with dead human beings has been at funerals and being in a cadaver room at a medical school, seeing a dissected cadaver up close.

I feel that it will be very different with deceased patients because I will know them in life and be responsible for their health related needs prior to death. I do intend to ask other healthcare workers about their experience as well, but I got the impression that some people on my unit are a little jaded in their profession, so I intend to be very choosy in asking fellow healthcare workers on my floor.

I'm not trying to put the cart before the horse here, but I have a gut feeling that it will be emotionally difficult for me when I have my first dead patient in my care. I think knowing that this is effectively inevitable, given my chosen career path, I think that having some guidance on how to emotionally process this ahead of time would be of some comfort to me.

Any guidance on this would be greatly appreciated. I know that our professions related to death care are different, but I sincerely value any input that any of you wish to share.

Thank you.

For my cold climate peers, what are you wearing for outdoor, winter removals. My home winds up dealing with a lot of highway deaths which mans cold Northeast New York winter nights. I need something warm, durable and that can be embroidered, so no upper chest logos.

Ahhh I’m doing my first ever hearse driving order tomorrow! I’m leading in a hearse with a HDH following and then two limousines.

I’m super excited but also super nervous. Luckily, the FD is lovely and she’s very understanding that I’m a newbie.

I’ve gone over the hearse with a fine tooth comb, checked my routes, parking, roadworks timings etc and had a Yoda guidance sesh with my mentor.

Any tips from the old school?

Hello all, I’m getting married at the end of the year in a very old historic funeral home owned by my fiancé’s family. It is a stunning building, but it hasn’t been used as a funeral home in a few decades.

Regardless, I hold a lot of reverence for the souls that have come through the building. Those of the deceased, their families, friends, etc.

It was a place that gave shelter for deep grief, and I want to show my respect and keep a bright spiritual light while in the building. Does anyone have any ideas at all on ways that would feel “right” to honor them? I’m definitely a bit woo-woo and it would mean a lot to me to do so.

I know I need to do SOMETHING to give respect but a little sage cleanse or door smudge doesn’t feel like enough for just how much energy the building has.

Thank you in advance. 💕

My husband died a few days ago & will be direct cremated. We're in TX (USA) and I can't get his fingerprint unless I either buy an insanely expensive stainless steel pendant, or pay nearly $700 to see his body for the cremation. Is this stuff normal? Like, it should not be this difficult to get a freaking fingerprint. And they won't do a digital copy, just this stupid piece of pot metal with a vague imprint.

How do you get around this? I feel like they just sucked me in and are holding him hostage. I worked in law enforcement and in hospice. I've seen & handled bodies, I handled, bathed and shrouded *his* body. I've hung out in the morgue, and now I look like a complete psycho trying to figure out if I can lift a good print off a toothbrush or a bottle of Listerine. It's either that or pay $700 and get a friend to distract the employees while I pull his prints.

Is there a better way? We didn't have a lot of money to just fling hundreds of dollars beyond the nearly 3 grand for the direct cremation (no urn). I feel so stupid that I didn't even consider grabbing his fingerprints, because, ya know, mourning.

I'm legitimately open to suggestions from people that know the business or a way around this insanity.

Editing to add: this is Neptune Society, in TX.

Location: USA GA

I've found non-profit funeral homes in the US that are usually apart of a religious organization or associations but having worked in a family funeral home for 3-4 years the only thing I genuinely have come to hate is the bill we have to give to families, and we're a particularly affordable funeral home locally.

I can tolerate prepping worse cases, I can work with terrible families, be on call 24/7, long hours, and I can do it all again but charging so money for death care genuinely hits the hardest and I don't know why. I don't consider myself a particularly altruistic person, but if I could cut costs myself I would. Not being able to give someone ashes because a bill was left unpaid kills me and I remember every face I had to turn away. Being pragmatic about how rough and demanding the costs are in the industry has not let me to hand wave it away. Theres no way around costs I know that.

How feasible are non-profit funeral homes or crematoriums? I know the demand would be crushing on a large county, especially a place open to the public, when you become the cheapest option thats just how it can be.

Are there other options aside from body donation or release a body to the state that I don't know about?

Honestly every conversation I've started about this topic to other folks in the industry, mostly older folks, have been exhausting and made me feel like I'm crazy for finding it so upsetting.

Last January, my husband was robbed and killed via gunshot to the neck. When we made the arrangements, the funeral director only gave the expectation that we should put him in a turtleneck and not a regular suit shirt (so I had him placed in the suit we got married in, cause we got married in October). I asked the coroner and the funeral director if he would be traumatizing to those viewed and they both said no. However upon viewing him at his funeral…I really think a closed casket should’ve been recommended. He looked like he was in a fight, his head was misshapen, his nose looked broken, there were cuts on him. He looked horrible honestly. I don’t really have a question I guess but is this normal?
I am open to private message a picture from the funeral compared to one of the last ones I took of him if a professional has any thoughts.
I also want to add that I’m interested in obtaining his autopsy because the police have no advisement on why my husband looked like someone literally rearranged his face and I just can’t cope.
All comments and thoughts welcome

What is with the preneed obsession at the large funeral home chains? They continuously say they break even - and often make more money from at need arrangements.

So why? Where’s pot of gold I am missing?