u/CardiologistFar2221

I often fantasize about myself being in different gender roles. Non binary and binary alike. But nothing gets me more turned on than imagining myself playing a "male" role. And not your stereotypical one either. A soft, feminine gay role but as a man. I don't know if something is seriously wrong with me as a "supposedly" cis person for having such fantasies... Or if they reveal something more about myself that I'm not ready to explore yet. I'm much more open to the idea as coming out as nonbinary because, at least societally speaking; you don't have the same pressure to medically transition in the same way than you do when you're binary trans. It scares me to think that that could very well be my reality... Especially in the times we're living in. I don't have anyone really to confide these feelings to, reguardless of what my final conclusion is. I try my best to shove these feelings in the corner, hoping they'll go away... But they haven't. If anything the desire to present masculine and "like a boy" has only grown. My brothers (one cis and one trans) and my parents only have one girl left in the family other than my mother. I feel like I would be robbing the family of the only daughter they had left...

Hey guys. It's Bea again. (She/They) I just wanted to update you on my spiritual journey. So I think I've made an important discovery. I'm not a witch... As much as I've tried to connect with crystals, tarot, deities, etc... it just doesn't speak to me. I'm in this weird in between phase where I'm not a Christian, neither am I a witch... So what am I then? Just a pagan? No... I think that I'm something else... I started looking into the teachings of Lavayean Satanism, specifically the non-theistic branch and I found myself really relating to it's teachings. Specifically the emphasis on you being able to change your own life. You dont need any God or gods to do that for you. You're a divine creation within yourself. And you have a authority and the ability to be your own God. And the humanistic and anti authorization takes also strike a chord with me, especially in today's world we're living in. This is ironically going to be harder to explain and even more difficult to be accepted by my family than before. Even though I don't see Satan as real. I see him as a symbolic or metaphorical figure for justice and self determination. I have just realized this, so please Satanists, feel free to kindly correct me if I'm wrong about any of this. I'm just learning about and reading the Satanic Bible. With that being said, I do believe the community of satanism and witchcraft share a huge overlap. With some practitioners even considering themselves to be both! So, I think I'll continue to share my story on here... But I also want to share it on a more niche platform like r/SatanicTemple_Reddit or r/ChurchofSatan too. Feel free to continue sending me messages as I walk through this alone. Thank you for your love and support.

As for pretending to enjoy penetration but simotaneously enjoys masturbation... I think I may be one of those aces. I currently have a husband who is unaware of my identity because quite frankly, I'm still figuring it out myself. I'm also autistic. Finding what feels good and pleasurable for me is important. Because half the time I feel like I'm only doing something because he enjoys it... Including oral and penetrative sex. I rarely experience sexual attraction, and on an online test from a website called "embrace autism" there was an asexuality scale. I took it and I scored a 39. (The threshold is a 40 or above.) Is this normal?