u/CardiologistJumpy832

(20F) IMPORTANT: this is more a vent post but I need advice to deal with this and I didn’t know which one to choose. I’ve never posted here because I’m too scared so please please be nice to me. happened today so excuse any emotions that come across in this post. I lost it starting yesterday. I was running on 8 hours of sleep over the past 3 days. I haven’t eaten more than 1,500 calories either because I get rlly sad. I know it’s not healthy but I digress. My dad made a comment after I removed myself from a situation I knew would make me angry and not able to control myself. “You need to work on that seriously people wont be around you if keep acting like that” I literally can’t put into words the way that made me feel. After yelling at him until my throat hurt I ran on foot as far as I could and turned off my phone. Went to some park and I laid down on the grass. I did not care if I got m*rdered I’m tired of feeling like this. Like a villian and a bad person I HATE IT. The next day i profusely apologized and wanted to disappear so I didn’t have to deal with the guilt. I was crying and begging them to understand what I’m dealing with and that I’m trying to work on reacting instead of responding. They basically repeated what I said I did wrong and that it wasn’t okay. That was it. That I was wrong. No support. No understanding. (I guess I can’t expect that but from my parents I would appreciate compassion and grace I guess they’re tired of me too) so I went off again……. Basically I need a group of people who understand. IM SO TIRED. How do you guys deal with this??? I don’t have a therapist but that’s my number one priority rn. Just need some advice/support to hold me over. I even feel like you guys are gonna judge me somehow. I just need help.