u/CardiologistLife532

To preface: I already opened a new savings account he doesn’t have access to now and moved what’s remaining of my savings into it. Anyway, I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad. I have three jobs, daytime job at a bridal store and two bartending jobs. I worked my ass off (60+ hr weeks from last aug-this winter) for the money in my savings to buy a new car. February 14th, he took out $300. On February 16th, he took out $1000, and on the 26th, took out another $300. On march 4th he took out another $100. (two days before my bday) I didn’t see this until a few days after my bday. I was confused, bc I thought he didn’t have access to my account anymore since I turned 18 (that’s what he told me)He said he was moving money around from his and my mom’s accounts and their joint accounts and accidentally took from my savings. (I guess he can move money around from their joint accounts, his checking savings, mine, and my little sister) I wasn’t upset or worried because I’ve always trusted him with everything, esp navigating finances/ money, I always ask him for help and advice. I told him to keep it, and I won’t pay him for my monthly bills for the next however many months that equals out to. (Bills are usually $300 monthly, so About 4.5-5 months)

well, a lot happened in may/june, a close family member passed, I missed a bunch of work from that along with being in a wedding so missed a weekend of work from the Bach trip for that, I got sick and missed another whole weekend/week of work, and w my bars being so painfully slow so I’m making dogshit for tips. And, my daytime job keeps cutting my hours because it’s so slow too. I had to start dipping into my savings to pay for everything because I’m virtually making nothing right now (looking for a new job w something steadier right now). I checked my bank account last month a few days before Father’s Day, noticed I was missing quite a bit from my savings after I had just deposited a bunch of checks from one of my bartending jobs… I checked it, and see my dad took out $2000 on June 8th. I texted him about it and said “hey haha I think you accidentally took money from my account again, no rush but if you could put it back in the next day or two that’d be great”. He said “oops, my bad”. I was at work, so I couldn’t check my phone for a bit. But when I did check it, I see he took out another $1000??? I was like wtf, so I texted him again saying he just accidentally took out another $1000. He left me on read. Because I had family in town and it was Father’s Day, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t wanna start something with company staying with us and make it uncomfortable for them.

I said something after they left, he said “I got you don’t worry, I’ll put it back.” weeks go by and he hasn’t put it back. My mom and I went to the mall together one day and I said something to her about it, she seemed very alarmed and confused. She said she would say something to him herself. She did, he said he would. I made a couple more gentle comments about it, he kept saying he would, he didn’t…. it’s the end of July now. I went back to IL to see my grandma (my moms mom, dads MIL) by myself, her and I went to dinner and I told her how stresssed I was with missing so much work and not getting hours, and told her about the money thing with my dad. She says “okay I’m going to tell you something but you cannot tell anyone this, your dad came to me and asked me for money back in march around your birthday. He said he overpaid on a credit card, he said he’d pay me back but still hasn’t.” Okay, so what’s going on?? I feel sick. My gut is telling me something is going on, it doesn’t seem good. I don’t know what to do/how to approach the situation. My mom is stressed right (and sad, she lost her dad/my papa in may) now I feel bad bringing this up to her, but also, she doesn’t know what’s going on and she deserves to. But also, I don’t want to out my grandma if I tell my mom. Do I go to him first and say “hey, is there something going on? Do you guys need help with money? Because I would’ve absolutely been willing to help if you had just asked me…” or do I black mail him and “you have until this date to give me my money back or, when I go to buy a new car you’ll be pitching in $3300.” (I probs wont do that but I thought abt it lol.) I’ve been avoiding him at home, it’s been giving me so much anxiety. Where is this money going? Does he have a secret gambling addiction or something?? I know he’s stressed trying to find a new job right now because he hates his current one, but idk how that would relate to him taking my money. Should I try and snoop around on his computer before I say anything?? Please any advice is appreciated, sorry this is so long.