Feeling rejected and confused
So a couple months ago my coworker (M24) started pursuing me (F26). We would joke and just have a fun time at work and I never saw him as more until he started to act a little differently. He started texting me more, asked if I wanted to get a drink together sometime, and offered to help me study for a qualification I needed.
We ended up going to dinner and from there started talking all the time. Things got romantic and sweet very quickly. He talked about wanting to take me into the mountains to go hiking and then staying at a cabin up there. He told his family about me. He wanted to see me everyday and I wanted to see him too.
Things were starting to get physical and I knew I needed to tell him my diagnosis before things went further. I called him and told him over the phone and he said it didn’t change how he saw me and that he still wanted to be with me. I felt good about it and I figured he would do his own research on it too.
From there I felt a pretty immediate shift. He pulled back and things changed. He was canceling on plans and just seeming more distant. We still saw each other at work but I could just tell something was off. I decided to give him some space and I was having a hard time reading him. He would reach out to me sometimes, would still flirt with me at work (and I was so confused about what was happening) and then 5 days passed without him reaching out.
I figured whatever was happening between us romantically was over but I reached out because I needed some kind of conversation. I asked what happened and he said he wasn’t ready to jump back into a relationship, that it was going too fast and he was sorry. That’s all I needed to hear but he kept going and said maybe in the future we can try again because he liked me he just wasn’t ready. I told him we should just stay friends because I just felt rejected and confused. I didn’t want his pity “maybe we can try again”.
Since then he still flirts with me at work and I’m trying to maintain distance and not talk as much because it’s honestly hurting me. He still tries to help me even though I’m shorter with him. The other day he threw something at me in a playful way and I threw it back at him and he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. It feels like he always tries to be near me and to talk to me but at the same time he doesn’t acknowledge what happened and I’m hurting about it. If he wanted me he wouldn’t have rejected me. I wish I could just get over it and go back to how things were before. I’m sad and I wish I didn’t like him anymore. I want to choose myself and say screw him. I think it was because of my diagnosis and I’m having a hard time getting over this. Any wisdom or advice is appreciated.