u/Careful_Bowler_3740

Was visiting my best friend who lives with her boyfriend. Everything was mostly fine, for context we’re all mid 30s, he’s obsessed with scaring people and had already tried to scare both of us- most of the time I just ignore it.

Knew I was stressed out because of multiple life things, knew I’m worried about my sick cat, knows I’m in chronic pain and anxiety etc on top of the current real stressors.

All of a sudden I feel/found a tick on me and a 2nd one biting me. My friend helped, she took my clothes to throw in dryer jic any unseen ticks were on them. I was still checking myself, got rushed out of the bathroom because he couldn’t wait another 2 minutes to use it. Being rushed turned the initial panic into a full on panic attack.

Went to my vehicle to finish taking care of myself/calm down. After a while I tried to come back inside to get my clothes back/change and this guys ducking down holding the door shut, rises up to the window still holding it shut and laughing away.

Out of frustration I threw my arms in the air(not on purpose, involuntary physical reaction, didn’t touch anyone or anything) and walked back to my vehicle because it put me right back into panic. Then I get told ‘that I was making a scene’ and that it was ‘just a joke’ that ‘anyone else would’ve laughed’ that ‘I’m being a victim’ etc

My friend kept defending what he did, that it’s his house he can do whatever he wants to anyone there- yeah that’s true but choosing to fuck with someone when they’re already upset and pretending to not know they were upset? The trying to scare people on a daily basis is already childish IMO but the timing was just terrible or was on purpose, idk what to believe about that part.

It was known I already wasn’t doing good, already highly stressed, have medical/mental conditions and I just found the behavior inappropriate but then getting treated like I did something vile to him by walking away and that I should’ve just laughed?!

If anything I feel like I under-reacted, almost fell down the cement steps and could’ve been seriously injured. Eventually did go back in to hang out with my friend but feel gaslit and uncomfortable going back. He didn’t apologize and we all pretended nothing happened…

Today my nervous systems shot, extremely exhausted and I’m just really disappointed. Feel like he’s doing it on purpose because of his jealousy issues. I’m nothing but nice to him, treat him like a friend and ignore the negative things but idk if I can really move past the disrespect. Guys lied to my face, has me worried about my friends mental health and even his own dad describes him as a 12 year old.

If the tick thing didn’t trigger a panic attack, none of that would’ve went that way but it’s not like he didn’t know the situation. People don’t choose to have panic attacks, been bit by ticks before but was worried about my sick cat and take Lyme disease seriously. Shit happens..

I don’t consider walking away, even tho I “threw my hands up” as I was was frustrated- ‘making a scene’
Could’ve exploded with words, yelling, acting out- sure, those things would’ve been over reacting but not what I did. I walked back to my vehicle to calm down from being startled right back into panic attack, then told I’m in the wrong?

Talking it out with my friend wasn’t very helpful, she excuses his behavior even when she admits he’s driving her crazy on a daily basis.

Did I/ Am I Overreacting? Did I under-react by not confronting him about his behavior?

Basically just ranting, here seemed appropriate my bad if not. My best friend is being psychologically/emotionally abused by her boyfriend. Afraid it’ll become physical because of past charges and the level of paranoia/rage he stays at on a daily basis. He’s a gamer who thinks it’s funny to hack people for fun, troll-like behavior online and irl. Actively keeping someone in a state of fear to control them. Uses his mental issues and past as a cover all excuse for everything, yells at and punishes her for things his ex did. She’s in such extreme stress, she’s not herself and is basically brainwashed to believe his present behavior is acceptable because after the abuse he love bombs her, isolates her and goes back to ignoring her until he makes up a new accusation. Physically sick from what I witnessed the other night. She’s being manipulated to throw out a 15 year friendship for a 3 month relationship with a man-child that throws violent tantrums to get his way.