u/Careless_Pea_969

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At the beginning of my marriage, we used to visit my in-laws about once a month plus special occasions, and I’d call/message my MIL and SILs now and then too. But with time, kids, work, and life, it’s naturally reduced a lot. Now it’s mostly Eid and Ramadan only.

There’s no drama at all, they’re genuinely lovely, respectful people and everyone has their own families and busy lives. We all live in the same city.

I’ve realised most of the effort/contact used to come from me, mostly out of duty rather than naturally wanting constant contact. My husband himself only speaks to his family every couple of weeks and visits maybe once or twice a month when work allows.

We still always contact each other for important things condolences, congratulations, weddings, travel, illnesses, etc so the relationship is still warm. They have thier own family group chat to stay in touch.

Sometimes my husband takes the kids to visit during half term and I stay home to relax, which he doesn’t mind. Earlier in marriage I always joined out of obligation even though nobody pressured me. Now i'm honouring just own needs.

Just wondering what’s “normal” for others as life gets busier. How often do you visit, call, host, or see your in-laws/SILs outside of special occasions? How often should it be?

I've been married for 2 years and overall our relationship is good, with normal ups and downs. But lately I’ve been struggling with how differently me and my husband approach marriage and the future and generally how we approach life.

I’m usually the planner in the relationship ,I organised most things in our marriage, home, finances, routines, holidays, family visits, etc. My husband participates, but rarely takes initiative unless I push for it.

I like clarity, direction, and planning ahead. He’s much more “go with the flow” and tends to avoid important conversations until the last minute.

What’s been bothering me is that whenever I bring up our future , especially starting a family or our goals as a couple, he avoids the conversation, says he’s tired, or not in the right headspace. Yet he can plan and think seriously about his own career and personal goals. I brought it up after a year and same thing then after 1 and half same sort of delay, excuses and now. I myself don't have all the answers but at least let's talk about our options and have a timeline. I sense that he receives it as nagging, conflict, tense. I don’t get why?

I’ve also realised that compromising and sacrificing can be harder for him, while I feel like I’ve emotionally stepped into marriage more deeply than he has. I'm very us and he's most of the time about himself. Sometimes it feels like he sees marriage more as companionship/room mate while I see it as building a life together with shared responsibility and leadership.

So I wanted to ask the married people especially the brothers

Is this normal?

Why would a husband avoid future related conversations?

Can someone love you but still avoid responsibility in marriage?

Has anyone dealt with this difference in mindset before?

I don't want to waste my time if he doesn't see a future with us,I'd rather know now and count my losses.

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