u/Casual_Casually

Naruto sat in his mom's dusty home, having been sitting untouched for twelve years. His cousin, Karin was sitting right next to him, both of them sharing a loaf of pumpkin bread.

"So, how did you find this place again?"

"I snuck into the Old man's vault in his office.."

"Again? I thought you stopped after the smut incident?"

"I did, but I was walking past a family and I realized something."

"That being?"

"Me and you are cousins.."

"Yes, I am aware."

"And we're related to each other.."

"That's how being cousins work, yes."

"And our parents, are related to each other.."

"Yes, our mothers are sisters.."

"Right! So if your mom and my mom are related and the Kids public records mentioned something about her having a sister in Konoha, I realized I could check the public records for my mom!"

"And what did the records say?"

"Well, I found her, but it had no info except that she was dead and had a house that would go to the next of kin."

"Did it say where to find the keys?"

"No, but as per Konoha law, when a Shinobi dies all their possessions go to the listen next of kin, if none is listen it goes in the hokage vault, so I went snooping and eventually found the keys and papers to this place."

"Wow, you actually did something smart for once."

"Thanks, I try."

"So what're gonna do now that you have a house?"

"Well, considering the fact that this house was supposed to have been given to me when I became a genin and it was not, imma go run the old man's fade."

"You'll lose that fight."

"I know, it's the principle that matters though."

"I see and after?"

"Don't know."

"Y'know, now that you're probably gonna own this place you'll have to pay heavier taxes because you also own the land this place is on."

"I ain't payin' shit, these sons of the Kyubi owe me."

"Naruto, even Shinobi pay taxes, once you become one, you don't get out of it."

"..."

"Naruto, you pay your taxes right?"

"If anyone asks, then yes I do."

"Naruto..."

"Look Karin, I like my home and all, but not enough to give them money like that, especially when I learned that while I was living in an apartment I could've been living here!"

"Wouldn't living in this giant house you feel lonely though?"

"I was already lonely, that wouldn't have changed."

"Oh yea."

"Hey Naruto, if you ever become Hokage-"

"When."

"Right, when you become Hokage, I'm just sayin' 60% income tax for the villagers."

"I'd leave the Ichirakus out of it though."

"You can't play favorites, Naruto."

"And who would stop me? I'd be the hokage."

"I've been a horrible influence on you."

"How so?"

"I've corrupted your forgiving sunshine attitude! Off topic: but for some reason I've caught that Hyuga girl glaring at me."

"Nahhhh, you haven't been a bad influence, besides I taught you how to insult someone in thirteen different ways in one breath, so I'd say we're even."

Nezu wasn't exactly sure on how Midoriya got his number, but he would blame All Might and move on, now what was this about dimensions?

"Alternate dimension? I knew my theories were correct, but how did you end up in one?"

"Mei asked if I could lift her machine so she could fix a component at the bottom, so I did, then I heard a click and suddenly I'm here."

"And how can you be so sure you're in an alternate dimension?"

Izuku turned his head to the very much female version of him sitting at his right, then at his very much male mother at his left, then at the female version of Nezu who was listening to the call with great interest.

"Believe me, I can tell."

"I see, and you're calling for what, exactly?"

"To find a way to bring me home, please. Everything is so confusing here! Girl-kachan tried to yell at me and ended up stuttering, Kachan stuttered! That's how I know something is wrong!"

"You found that out based on an alternate versions of Bakugo, interesting."

"No it's not! I'm panicking here!"

"I can tell, anything funn- I mean, different over there?"

"Midnight is a guy! Mineta is a girl and like ten times worse!"

"How can Mineta be worse?"

"I caught sneaking through the vents to the male side of the dorms!"

"Ah, I see."

"Mei is a guy too, he was excited to find out that the alternate dimension baby worked.."

"Well, I'll see what I can do, but hand the phone over to the alternate version of myself, please, I have a feeling we're gonna have a conversation and chess match."

Kakashi and Gai were sitting in a bar, not unusual, Gai often dragged his best friend to go out at least once a week, that's what extroverts are for, but what was unusual was the fact that Kakashi was talking instead of Gai.

"What do you mean by Disney princess'd his way out?"

"He started singing, animals joined in, people too...he ended up singing his reasons for his innocence and not being arrested and escape plans if he were to be.."

"Sounds youthful! I might have to see if he'll show that technique to Lee!"

"Yea yes, favorite students aside, it was terrifying!"

"How so?"

"I know Naruto is charismatic, if his bastard child of therapy and mind control can he called charisma.."

"That's awfully rude, why do you say that?"

"I saw him rewrite someone's entire belief system in the span of five minutes."

"Oh.."

"Exactly, also did you know that snakes sing opera and foxes play bass?"

"No I did not."

"I didn't until last week, even Sasuke got in on the fun and started drumming!"

"Good to know he has hobbies that aren't revenge related."

"Sakura lead a dance number!"

"I'm sure she did wonderfully!"

"Stop being so positive! Naruto practically seduced a queen using his voice alone!"

"A wonder it must've been to hear!"

"And in the end Naruto walked off like nothin happened and when I tried to bring it up he just played dumb!"

"Are you sure he was playing, because what I've heard about young Naruto is that he's not the sharpest knife, especially when it comes to social convention."

"You're right about that, but he's terribly clever when scheming or using his 'Talk no Jutsu'as he calls it."

"A wonderful name, I hope to see it for myself one day!"

Jiraiya stared at the strange bipedal albino peacock, it was clearly looking at him with disdain, Jiraiya had expected Naruto to find him for the finals and demand to be trained, but the boy never came, so he went searching and found this colorful pair.

"Naruto, who is this man?"

"Don't know, I saw him peeking in the hot springs though, so he might be a pervert."

"Despicable.."

"Hey! I'm not a pervert, I'm a connoisseur of the female form!"

"Shen-sensei, isn't that what a pervert would say?"

"Indeed it is, so..pervert, why are you here, harassing my student?"

"I'm not- whatever, and what makes you think he's your student?"

"Well, I found him, took an interest and began to teach him to follow in my footsteps."

"You don't even have feet!"

"Mongrels, always trying to find meaning where there is none."

"Huh? Whatever- Naruto-"

"How do you know my name?"

"Don't worry about it, but what has this Shen been teaching you?"

"How to industrialize the ass whooping!"

"What?"

"You heard my student."

"What does that even mean?"

"Why don't we show you? Naruto, get the contraption."

"Ouuuu, I finally get to use it!"

"Indeed you do, make sure to thank our...guest."

"Thanks perv guy!"

And suddenly, Jiraiya was staring down the barrel of a very large cannon.

"Ummmm...what is that?"

"It's a demonstration of my efforts to teach young Naruto here, after my rule of Gongman city comes to an end, Naruto will rule as my heir."

"Sorry, perv guy, but it's nothing personal!"

"You still have much to learn, Naruto, it is in fact, personal."

"Dang, looks like it is personal, sorry perv!"

Jiraiya ran, Shen may have won this battle, but he won't win the war.

Kakashi stormed into Hiruzen's office, he was covered in a multitude of things, a stray stick of dynamite was lodged comfortably in his hair.

"Evening, Kakashi, I take it that team seven did well?"

"I don't wanna pass them."

"Why not?"

"Look at me! I look like Bugs Bunny had his way with me!"

"That's an image I didn't want in my head."

"And it was all that orange menace's fault!"

"What did Naruto do?"

"Naruto has to run in cartoon logic!"

"Elaborate."

"He pulled out a giant mallet the size of a FUCKING tree and hit me with it, I was flattened like a pancake, not turned into human paste, but flattened!"

"Mhm.."

"I dropped a boulder on him and he waddled out looking like an accordion!"

"Fascinating."

"He somehow walked on air and dropped an anvil on my head!"

"I'll put you down for extra hazard pay."

"He threw a pie at me and it exploded! Turns out, there's dynamite in the pie!"

"Don't trust any food he gives you, even if you'd see him make it."

I was chasing him, he ran down an alley, I followed and slammed into a wall, he painted the wall to look like an alley!"

"Is that all?"

"No! Then he talking to some imaginary audience, he called viewers, and called me doc!"

"So?"

"What do you mean 'so?', he's a menace! He made the Akatsuki stop hunting him just because of his shenanigans!"

"That's one thing we don't have to worry about."

"Let's not mention what the did in Iwa."

"He did what in where?!"

In a universe where Naruto starts training to be a sage when he gets the contract because he annoyed Jiraiya enough, Jiraiya wanted to see if Naruto could even control even a modicum of Kyubi's chakra.

"Alright Naruto, try and channel the Kyubi's chakra, I need to see your limit."

"Three tails."

"That's your limit?"

"That's the amount I can use without turning into a ball of rage and ramen."

"And how'd you find that out?"

"I stubbed my toe last week so bad I accidentally channeled the Kyubi."

"That's a way to find out...but nonetheless, imma need you to channel it again, we're gonna raise that limit for the finals."

"Sorry, can't do that."

"And why not?"

"The Kyubi and I aren't really on good terms right now."

"Naruto, it's a giant ball of malice and rage, I'll be surprised if you ever gain a decent relationship with it."

"That's fair."

"But why can't you use it right now?"

"Well, remember when that really old toad guy you summoned started my sage training last week?"

"Yes."

"The Kyubi is jealous I'm learning to become a sage."

"Really?"

"Yea, did the whole head turn and huff, the works."

"Did it say anything?"

"Something along the lines of 'its not like I wanted you to use my chakra or anything, baka!' then it stopped talking to me."

Kiba was lost in a sea of redheads, when Naruto had invited him to a party, he agreed, he and the blonde were rather good friends, so when he came to the party he was expecting to see the other rookies from their class, but no, just a lot of redheads and Naruto.

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Wassup?"

"Who are all these people?"

"My cousins and extended family."

"And where did they come from?"

"Overseas, whirlpool island specifically."

"I thought that place was deserted?"

"You thought wrong."

"How do you know these people then, you haven't left Konoha?"

"That's what you think."

"So you have left Konoha before?"

"Next question."

"Why are you dodging my questions?"

"You never know who's listening."

"Right...say, this party looks like a celebration, who's it for anyway?"

"My little cousin, Mitsuri."

Naruto then pointed to a small girl laying on three folding chairs, evidently having fallen asleep a while ago.

"Naruto, what time is it?"

"3am, give or take a few minutes."

"And when did she go asleep?"

"At aroud 8pm, why do you ask?"

"If she's asleep then what's the point of the party?"

"Why not? Just cause the guest of honor is asleep doesn't mean we gotta."

"What's she even celebrating?"

"She baked her first pie, this is her first pie party."

"What?! All this for a pie?!"

"Her first pie."

"So if I bake a pie, you'll throw me a party?"

"Shiiiiiii....I mean, probably."

"..."

"...Do you actually want a party orrrr-"

"That's dumb!"

"What is?"

"You're basically throwing a party over nothing!"

"Hey! A first pie isn't nothing!"

"It basically is! Just say you wanna throw a party!"

"Well, you're not invited to my cousin's quinceanera with that attitude."

When Nezu got a call from Aizawa, he let it ring three times before picking it up, Aizawa only ever calls when he's gotten himself in deep shit that required Nezu's attention, this was his little payback.

"You've reached the line of rat, Nezu spe-"

"Yea whatever, I need help NOW!"

"Judging by your tone, you did something you weren't supposed to."

"I thought it was a good idea at the time.."

"And you never learn, what did you do this time?"

"Well, you my class of little monsters?"

"Absolutely, they're in my school after all."

"Yea well, apparently all those villain attacks, life threatening situations, and logical ruses-"

"Lies, you mean."

"Whatever, it apparently wasn't good for their mental health, and due to said fracturing mental states they have adopted a magic conch shell as their leader and delegate most of their major choices to it."

"When you say magic conch-"

"One of those toys you can buy at a gift shop."

"I see, and what did you do?"

"Well, after months of them bringing the conch to class, lunch, and even letting it decide what they do on the weekends, I may have lost my temper and broke the thing in front of them."

"Mhm, go one."

"And they may have went catatonic for all of five seconds before flying into a rage."

"As one would do."

"I've heard them discussing having my head as their final gift to the conch for it's funeral."

"I see, and what do you want me to do about this?"

"Help me! Obviously."

"Mhm, right, well after hearing your situation I know exactly what to do."

"That is?"

"Livestreaming this, obviously."

"This is a punishment, isn't it?"

"Yup, for all the headaches you cause me and pay increases you keep asking for."

"Momo just gave everyone matching conch themed swords.."

"Well, I hope you can outrun a pack of rabid enraged high-schoolers."

"I'll try, they already got to Mic and All Might for trying to help me."

As the call ended Nezu booted up his cameras and began to stream the teacher hunt, not before shooting a text to Majima to have Mei make a new magic conch for class A, this time, more sturdy."

Jiraiya was expecting Naruto to have come by sometime ago, he had this whole thing planned out, Naruto would come up and demand to be trained after ditching Ebisu, Jiraiya would play coy, and then after some back and forth agree to train the boy and foster a relationship with him, but Naruto never appeared.

So Jiraiya went searching and found Naruto leaving in the directions of very tall, very much weren't there last week mountains.

"Hey brat!"

"What the- who're you?"

"The envy of men! The lover of women! Gentleman extraordinaire, super pervert! I am the gallant Jiraiya!"

"... I'll give it about a five."

"What?! Why?!"

"You can't be a gentleman and a super pervert, you gotta pick one, also the whole thing just seems kinda rehearsed."

"Brat- whatever, where are you going? You're supposed to be training for the finals."

"I was heading to my training spot."

"Those mountains that weren't there last week?"

"Yup."

"Where'd they come from?"

"My friend."

"Your friend makes mountains?"

"Yup."

"And why not just train with me instead! I'm way better at that than some stupid mountains!"

"Nah."

"Why not?!"

"I don't associate with perverts."

"You made the sexy Jutsu!"

"Irrelevant, I don't go peeking on women, like you."

"Okay, what about I train you and I give the latest book in my series?"

"Nah, don't really read smut like that."

"Smut?! I'll have you know my books are art in its purest form!"

"Whatever, pervy sage, I gotta go train in the mountains to become the greatest earthbender."

"And who's gonna train you for that?"

"My friend, Toph."

"Who's this loud mouth?"

"When did she get here?"

"Been here the whole time, no one ever pays attention to the blind girl."

"Naruto, your gonna have this brat train you?"

"She made the mountains, seems like a good resume to me."

"What?"

"That's right, frog breath! Bow before the greatest earthbender to ever live!"

"Kid, your like twelve or something."

"And still strong enough to best your ass!"

Tsunade just stared at team seven, it was the first time she's seen them in months, they were all dressed in pretty ridiculous outfits, and after hearing Kakashi's report, she had only one question.

"How did you four end up going on a dungeons and dragons style quest?"

"We had to stop an evil warlord, granny!"

"Right, that's basically a normal Tuesday for you, what was different now?"

"Sasuke-kun fucked around with a weird or we found in a cave and we were transported to another realm."

"Huh, I'd expect something like that from Naruto."

"Naruto was egging him on."

"I see."

"See, it was only partially my fault."

"Naruto, quick question."

"Lay it on me."

"What is your class?"

"I'm a bard!"

"Fitting."

"I even multiclassed."

"Into what?"

"Bard."

"Wait- so you're a bard.."

"Yup!"

"That's multiclassed into bard."

"Right on the money, I can play moonlight sonata on a bass guitar with my tongue, I can also mock people to death. It's all I ever wanted."

"Right..."

"The idiot also slept with several dragons."

"Sasuke! Don't snitch!"

"At the same time."

"Sakura! Not you too!"

"Right, and why'd you do that?"

"Who wouldn't want to sleep with a dragon?"

"Literally anyone sane."

"If that's sane then I don't wanna be it."

"Right...Kakashi what's your class?"

"Paladin, Hokage-sama."

"That's interesting, I was expecting rogue."

"Nope, not my style, I prefer loud and proud, I even have a genuine lightning sword."

"Okay, and what's your oath?"

"Oath of smut, my lady."

"Should've known. Sakura, what's your class?"

"Violent cleric."

"What?"

"She heals by punching us."

"Wouldn't that make fighting enemies practically impossible for her?"

"Not when I take off the brass knuckles."

"Oh...I didn't notice those. Sasuke, what's your class?"

"Rogue, multiclassed into ranger."

"Oh, whose the favorite enemy?"

"Itachi."

"Should've guessed."

"Granny, you know a lot about dungeon and dragons, what's that?"

"Used to play it with my team when I was a brat."

When Jiraiya dumped Naruto off in a back alley to go do some "research" he was expected to wait there, but Naruto being the person he is just decided to not do that and walk around, but that's when he met a short butterfly looking lady, he was simply told to follow her, and her did, why? Because he's bored.

"And that's why ramen should be eaten everyday."

"Naruto-kun, while that's nice and all, I asked what you were doing in that alley next to a demon?"

"That was a demon? I thought those were fake, but then again a giant fox did destroy like half my village 12 years ago, sooooo maybe that was me just being dumb."

"Giant fox?"

"Yea, the Kyubi, giant walking natural disaster, basically shoots bombs from his mouth."

"How have we not heard of this?"

"I know you were mainly talking to yourself here but apparently it was killed."

"You say that like that's not the truth."

"It isn't but the truth is a secret, sorry."

"Right, well, I can't in good conscience leave you out there alone-"

"Don't worry, butterfly lady-"

"Shinobu."

"Oh, I have a friend named Shino, he also likes bugs. But I'm not alone, I have pervy sage!"

"That's quite the name."

"Yea, I call him that because he's a pervert and sage."

"I guessed.."

"Speaking of which, you're not a pervert are you?"

"No."

"Good, I have a bit of a history with perverts, my sensei is a pervert, reads smut in public, then there was the closet pervert, then the snake pervert who bit Sasuke and enticed him with power, and now pervy sage, I'm done with perverts."

"I'm sure you have stories to tell."

"I do, but that's enough about me, what about you, what do you do?"

"I'm a demon slayer, a hashira to specific."

"Imma act like I know what a hamshiro is."

"No- hashira, the highest rank of the demon slayer corp."

"Oh, wait- then why's your house a hospital?"

"I'm also a doctor."

"So you're a demon slayer and a doctor? How do you have time to sleep?"

"I don't."

"Oh, well I don't sleep that much either, too much energy, or so pervy sage says."

"Hm, I don't like that you're always around perverts, especially at such a young age, how about working in the butterfly mansion for a time?"

"Sure, I've always wondered how to turn medicine into pranks."

"Concerning statement but welcome aboard, here's your butterfly hair clip!"

Shinobu slid a orange butterfly hair clip towards Naruto.

"Ouuu, it's orange! I was always a fox person myself, but this is nice too."

Midoriya stared into the sky, squinting to get a better look, only to see Kara, the person who'd been harassing him about that strange glowing green rock he found, it was his rock now.

"Kara zor-el! You get out the sky this instant!"

"I see you've left your middle school, is it over already?"

"Yes, now get out the sky, you're causing a scene!"

"Am I causing a scene, or are you because you won't give me the kryptonite!"

"I told you, it's my rock now!"

"Why do you want it so bad?"

""I'm currently using it so I could make something to help me get into the hero course!"

"You're pulling a Luthor?!"

"Whose that?"

"Someone who keeps harassing my cousin."

"Oh, wait you have a cousin?"

"Yea, he's kinda teaching me how to be a hero and stuff."

"Who's your cousin?"

"You might know him as Superman."

"That explains the suits."

"Are you not gonna freak out?"

"No, I had my suspicions."

"Right, forgot you're a freak for anything hero related, but give me the rock Izuku Midoriya! It's dangerous!"

"No!"

"It's radioactive, it'll give you mega cancer!"

"My grandfather had a radiation breathe quirk, he passed the immunity onto me, even though his genes weren't strong enough to give me the quirk.."

"Who is your grandfather, Godzilla?!"

"Maybe, but you're not getting this rock, it's mine and I'm gonna use it for Hero-ing!"

"Don't make me come down there!"

"And do what?!"

"I don't know yet!"

Kakashi stared at his three students, more specifically, the sleeping infant in Naruto's arms, the three stared back as if nothing was wrong.

"Why do you three have a child?"

"Naruto said that it would strengthen our team if we're all had the same thing to fight for."

"And you believed him?"

"He was very persuasive."

"The idiot was very persuasive."

"I'm very persuasive."

"And what are you planning to do with this child?"

"Raise her be the best kunoichi."

"Teach her all I know about pranks."

"Let her decide who she wants to be."

"Naruto, you are not teaching our daughter about pranks!"

"But Sakura-"

"No buts."

"But Sasuke!!!"

"None."

"Fine, I'll teach her how make killer banana bread."

"No, can't do that either."

"But why not?!"

"You somehow screwed that up."

"How?"

"It's in the name, banana bread, you used pumpkins, you made pumpkin bread."

"We didn't have bananas.."

"At least the pumpkin bread was good."

"See, Sasuke liked it and he barely likes sweets!"

"I never said it wasn't good, I'm just saying you can't make banana bread, even if we have bananas and no pumpkins somehow you always make pumpkin bread."

"Okay, this argument is cute and all, but I have two questions."

"Let us have em."

"Where did you three get this child?"

"The orphanage, basically free children."

"I don't like that saying, and you keep saying 'we' like you live together or something."

"We do live together."

"How and why?"

"Well, it's easier to care for Mimi-chan that way, also we still haven't decided on whose last name she's taking, also it was just more convenient to live together, Sasuke hated his compound cause all the blood and memories, Sakura wanted independence from her parents, and I needed to move out of my shabby place anyway, so we all just decided to buy a house together."

"Right..."

"We have room for one more, if you're interested, Kakashi-sensei."

"No thanks I'm hap-"

"No you're not, besides Mimi-chan needs her grandpa Kakashi, right?"

Jiraiya stood in front of Tsunade, he was supposed to have left for the three year training trip two months ago, but he came back very early, just for this.

"What do you mean, 'persuasive' he somehow managed to convince me to come back, and I hate this place, of course he's persuasive."

"Not like that! I'll explain it to you like this, one week into our trip, Naruto gets captured by pirates who had a grudge against me, next thing I know an hour into my search, here Naruto pulls up in a ship, wearing full pirate gear and stating he's been named captain."

"That sounds ridiculous, but it's Naruto we're talking about."

"Right, another time, he was caught sneaking into the women's bathhouse, not for anything perverted, that's my thing, he was returning something a lady lost, but they caught him crawling on the wall like a spider."

"Go on."

"He saw them see him see them seeing him and somehow convinced a dozen naked women to let him in and returned the item after chatting with them for hours, he even got a free pass to the women's side of the bathhouse!"

"I'm starting to get it."

"Right and last week, Naruto convinced a group of bandits who were going to kill him to let him go, and he left with their money in his pocket, he had been given it willingly!"

"Oh wow, wait- if he's that good at talking to people how'd he manage to lost Sasuke?"

"The emo was wearing earplugs, words don't work if you can't hear them."

"Fair, anything else?"

"He somehow convinced a Bijū to not go on a rampant revenge spree in exchange for his firstborn."

"Which Bijū?"

"The zero tails."

"There's a zero tails?"

"Apparently."

"And where is he now?"

"No clue, lost track of him in Alcohol country."

"You're a spy master!"

"I'm a spy master not a miracle worker."

Bakugo stalked up to Deku's house, it's been weeks since he was given the Iron-Deku suit, and the nerd has yet to show up and actually do something unless it's happening right in front of him, using the spare key he found haphazardly hidden under the mat, Bakugo opened the front door to see Izuku Midoriya lounging on his couch, still in his teaching clothes, sipping hot chocolate and reading.

"Deku!!"

"Good evening to you as well, Kachan, what brings you here?"

"Where are you?!"

"Currently in my house."

"Don't play coy with me, you ass napkin!"

"That's a new one."

"It's been weeks since we got you that suit and you've barely done jack diddly with it!"

"Is that what you're here for?"

"Yes! What are you doing?!"

"Teaching and picking up a few new hobbies, picked up knitting about two months ago, fun stuff, also dabble in photography."

"You're just lazing around?!"

"If that's how you wanna put it."

"Aren't you actually gonna go out and do some hero work?!"

"Nah."

"Fuk you mean 'nah'?!"

"Nah man, I'm retired now."

"You can't just do that!"

"I literally am."

"What about being the greatest hero?!"

"I did that already, in my teens. I'm pretty sure the public has already forgotten about me."

"Believe me, they have not, everytime someone sees me they always ask where you are or what you're doing!"

"Really? Would've thought they'd have moved on by now."

"Well, when you literally save the world people don't tend to forget that, you're literally in the history books!"

"Mhm.."

Midoriya took another sip of his hot chocolate.

"What about starting an agency?!"

"The only agency I care about at the moment is my own."

"Wha- the fu- ARRRGGGGGHHH!!! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU? YOU'RE JUST GONNA SIT HERE AND SNOOZE AROUND ALL DAY?!"

"Yes, I'm retired, I can take care of mom, Ochaco and I are in a steady relationship, gearing up to take the next step too so you might wanna have some free time in your schedule, Eri is in School, no world ending threats, villain percentages on the decline. The show's over man."

Without saying another word, Bakugo plopped his explosive behind in a recliner, a mug of hot chocolate was wordlessly slid towards him, he took a sip.

"Oh, is that cinnamon?"

"Nice, isn't it?"

"Yes- wait! I see what you're doing! You're trying to corrupt me!"

"Oh no, you caught me."

"Don't sass me, nerd, don't think I don't see what you're doing...being in your nice house.. with...a sleep schedule that doesn't leave you feeling like a zombie high on every drug, never needing to drink coffee to survive.."

Bakugo began to drift asleep in that recliner.

"That's right, give into the self care, Kachan, give into the good sleep schedule."

Naruto just stared at Kakashi, his outrageous statement hung in the air, it was stupid, even by Naruto's standards.

"Why not?!"

"Naruto, you turned Sakura into a guy and kicked her...him-i don't know, but you kicked them in the nuts!"

"As my man Denji would say 'its nuts or nothing' gotta use everything you can to win."

"Naruto, you turned Sasuke into a girl and used endometriosis no Jutsu!"

"Easy victory."

"How are you not effect?! Sasuke did the same to you!"

"Man, I invented that shit, the sexy Jutsu isn't just an illusion, it's full blown transformation, bone deep."

"And how the Fuck did you figure out what was basically shape shifting?!"

"I studied."

"What did you study?"

"Yes."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Sure it does, unless you wanna figure out what a still alive jellyfish taste like."

Tsunade just stared at Naruto, apparently he was going to leave the village for a few weeks in order to do something, and for the life of him(yes she threatened it) he wouldn't tell her what.

"Naruto please, just tell me where your going and what your gonna do."

"Can't do that, you might try and stop me."

"I promise you I won't."

"You sure?"

"Positive, I'll even buy you as much ramen you can eat for the next several months."

"Deal."

"So what is it?"

"You know about my speech to Neji during the Chunin exams?"

"You mean the one where you basically say fate doesn't exist and everyone chooses their own, that one?"

"Bingo, so recently I found out that fate does exist and it takes the form of two fingers."

"What?"

"Weird, I know, but I saw it myself, then I met this girl...doll? I'm not sure."

"Do you have her name and appearance?"

"She was blue and short."

"...Okay...and her name?"

"Renna?...Ranni?.. Rosemary?...I don't know, I called her Ronald once and she threw a book at me."

"Right..."

"So apparently, she wants to bring an age of freedom, well, she calls it the 'Age of Stars' but it's really just a world without fate, any one could literally be anything without being predisposed, my kinda world."

"I feel like your watering it down somehow."

"Probably, I zoned out like halfway through."

"I see.."

"Yea, she also said something about a consort...but I'm not to sure what that is."

Shedder watch as his beloved grandson, Izuku shared a pizza with Splinter's turtle spawn, all of them seemed to be getting along well, that of which could not be said could not be said for the two older gentlemen sharing tea at this very moment.

"And then, Kachan blasted me through at least 15 windows, but in all fairness I did punch him through a building first."

"Dude...you gotta show me how you did that!"

"Later, for sure. But right now I gotta ask, where did you get this pizza? It's better than the place I usually get."

"Just the shop down the street, we can show you it sometime soon."

"Great!"

"Shredder."

"Splinter."

"Now that we're done being nice, I must inform you that if the shelled nincompoops you call children infect my child with their stupidity you'll have to pay the price in blood."

"Hm, interesting, you think I'll let you even touch the bandanas they wear, truly you have a vivid imagination."

"Your words mean nothing when I can have my entire footclan in and this shabby excuse for a home in an instant."

"And I'll have them all disabled in an instant, are you really that feeble that you cannot defeat an old man and his teenage children by yourself? How far you have fallen."

"Curse you, Rat, I'll have you on the ground in a mere second, your children will follow."

"Your threats all sound the same, you must come up with more material."

"You-"

"Grandpa, we're heading out, are you and Mr. Splinter gonna be alright being alone for a little bit?"

"Of course, my dear grandson, please enjoy your evening, and remember if you come across trouble don't be afraid to handle it, and leave no trace."

Kakashi stared at his students...student? He didn't know what to call them all he knows is that Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all fused into one amalgam of a being. Skin in three different shades all splotched over their form, their hair flecked with blonde, black, and pink, six eyes, each color corresponding to each one of his students, six arms, and thankfully only two legs.

"Ummmmm, what the hell happened to you three, I was only gone for a minute?"

"A lot can happen in a minute, sensei."

"Like what?"

"Well, Naruto decided it would be a good idea to show us another Jutsu he found in the forbidden scroll."

"Wait- Naruto, you looked in the scroll again?"

"No, I only had time to learn one Jutsu, didn't mean I didn't jot others down."

"Mhmm.."

"While showing us the Jutsu, the idiot distracted himself by starting a sappy speech about how we're his closest friends, I won't lie, it would've been nice if we hadn't fused thirteen seconds later."

"With the way it happened you'd think it was scripted...Naruto, did you plan this?"

"What?! No! When I said 'you two are my closest friends' I didn't mean we should all fuse into one being!"

"Alright, I'll believe you for now, but I swear is this is a ploy to get us on a date-"

"Sakura, I may like you and all, but even I'm not that desperate for a date to force us to fuse together, and even if I was, why would I bring Sasuke?"

"I don't know, why would you bring me into this? I never know what goes on in that head of yours, my guess is nothing though."

"Shut up, Sasuke!"

"Okay, as funny as it is to watch you argue amongst yourselves...yourself? I don't know, we need to figure out how to explain this to Sakura's parents, and more importantly the Hokage and find a way to get you three separate again."

"Naruto has that last part handled, right?"

"Yup! The Jutsu is only temporary but with how much chakra I put into we won't separate until the end of the month."

"Great... I'm stuck with you too for longer than usual.."

"Don't be like that Sasuke-kun. You know you love us~"

"Okay, so that's one part settled, how are we gonna explain this to Sakura's parents?"

"Simple, we don't."

"I love my parents, but I'm not dealing with my mom's tears, so we're gonna have to hunker down at one of the boy's houses."

"I vote Sasuke's house, he has the good bed."

"Sounds good to me."

"Hold the Fuck up, how in the Kyubi's taint do you know how my bed feels?!"

"Oh, Sakura and I sometimes sneak in to sleep in your house because you have the good AC, and usually we race to see who gets the bed since you barely sleep in your room on a good day."

"I sleep in my room!"

"Yea..once, look, when's the last time you slept in your bed in recent memory?"

"..."

"Exactly, you sleep on your couch most of the time."

"So, Sasuke-kun's house?"

"Yup."

"Do I have a choice in this?"

"Nope"

"Okay...weird relationships aside, how are gonna explain to the hokage?"

"Walk in, tell him it was Orochimaru's fault, and pray he believes us."

"Can we get ramen on the way, all this talking is making me hungry."

"No, we had ramen last team training day, it's my turn to pick."

"But you always pick the expensive places!"

"Broke boys don't get to make decisions, penny pinching ninja."

"You son of the Kyubi-"

"Naruto, no need for swearing, let's just go talk to Sarutobi, I need a drink and to schedule an appointment with Inoichi, I don't wanna be rude, but you look disgusting."

When Hiruzen checked his mail for the morning he was not expecting a letter addressed to to him from Naruto, the hadn't been seen in a week, which either meant he was planning a massive prank or had fucked around and was currently finding out, opening the letter Hiruzen read it's contents.

"Old man, help! I fucked around a little too much and ended up in a different dimension! There's weird shadow monsters and there's this orange haired imp lady and a buff farmboy that can transform into a wolf! He also has a cool sword, they're talking about saving Hyrule and the Twilight realm, I don't know what that is! They don't even have ramen here! Also I touched some of the shadow stuff and I grew a tail! What do I do?!"

"I see, Naruto's okay, he's just finding out."

"If I may ask you to elaborate, Lord Hokage?"

"Naruto fucked around with something he probably shouldn't have, and now he's realizing that actions have consequences and he needs to stop touching shit."

"Okay, and when will he be back?"

"Another week to a few months, last time during the Koyuki incident it took him five months."