u/Casual_Casually

Hinata walked out of her favorite bakery, a fresh box of cinnamon rolls in hand, ready to get home(or a dark alley) and do horrible things to them, while not paying attention she bumped into someone, Naruto, who was carrying groceries.

"Yo, wassup Hinata?"

"Oh! Um-hello.."

"Wasn't expecting to see you today, say, you seen Sasuke around? We're supposed to meet up for ramen with Sakura later but I can't find him."

"No, I haven't, sorry."

"Oh don't worr-"

Naruto suddenly sniffed the air, looked at Hinata, leaned closer and sniffed again.

"Oh, were synced this month."

"What?"

"Y'know..your woman stuff, I don't wanna say it out loud, TenTen would have my head."

"Two questions, 1: you could tell just by smell? And 2: what do you mean synced?"

"I'm a werefox."

"What?"

"Did you think all those noises people hear at night are just random animals, there's a good 73% chance that it's actually me."

"You know, if it was anyone else, I wouldn't believe it."

"Did you think these gloves and boots were for no reason?"

"Besides fashion, yes."

"Well, you're wrong! I'm always in partial transformation."

"May I know why?"

"Because I can't change back, the moon's always out, but I can only fully transform during a full moon, anytime else I'm just partial."

"Huh.."

"Anyway, you're welcome to use me as a stress toy if needed."

"Huh?!"

"Yea, usually help TenTen during her stuff, so I don't see why it wouldn't help you."

"Wait, TenTen uses you as a stress toy?"

"We grew up in the same orphanage, she's never stopped."

"Huh, do you have toe beans and paw pads?"

"Yup!"

"I'll pick you up later."

When Midoriya was called by All Might for an emergency meeting during Aizawa's class, he came running, it was obviously important enough that All Might needed to interrupt his very scary coworker.

"Young Midoriya! Thanks for coming!"

"It's not a problem, All Might, it had to be important, you used 15 exclamation marks in your message."

"You're right, my boy, it's very important!"

"What do you need?"

"Before I answer, I need you to promise me that you won't tell a soul about this."

"Why?"

"Because! This is more important than One for All!"

"Really?!"

"Absolutely!"

"Okay! I promise I won't utter a word to anyone about this, not even my pet cactus!"

"Excellent!- wait you have a pet cactus?"

"Yea, her name is Spiky-chan, I'm thinking about getting her a friend though."

"I didn't know that- anyway, young Midoriya, I have a very important question to ask!"

"What is it?"

"Can you teach me how to woo the ladies?"

"Pardon?"

"Y'know...like how to make them like you and stuff.."

"All Might, I'm not sure if you know who you're talking to, but I don't woo ladies, I barely talk to them at all..or really anyone actually."

"Young Midoriya, with all due respect, you are absolutely a ladies man."

"Please elaborate."

"Remember when Eri was visiting and she wanted shoes to match yours so you went out together and bought some?"

"Yes, that made my whole month."

"Well, I was watching, and not just your class, but multiple civilians were practically giving you heart eyes."

"Is that why they were staring? I thought I had something on my face.."

"Midoriya..someone gave you free pastries from her shop!"

"I thought she was being nice!"

"She wanted your pants!"

"No she didn't!"

"Whatever next example, you remember Mei, the support course student?"

"How could I not? We're great friends."

"Midoriya, she had you bench press her."

"She needed to gauge my strength for my next upgrade."

"I didn't finish, she had you bench press her for three hours!"

"I don't see the problem."

"My goodness, Uraraka has your merch!"

"I don't have merch."

"That's what you think.."

"What?"

"Nothing, anyway, I have tons more examples, and it's not just from women your age, it's rather concerning really."

"Did you call this meeting to complain?"

"No, I genuinely need help!"

"Okay fine, but don't expect much of me, who are you trying to 'woo'?"

"..."

"One more time please."

"..."

"All Might, you're mumbling."

"Inko! I'm trying to woo your mother!"

"That makes sense actually."

"Wait you're not mad?"

"Honestly, no, I'm just surprised it took you this long to ask, now I have to give Kachan money.."

"You two were betting on this?!"

"Not just us, Nezu was on it too."

"Oh dear me..will you at least help?"

"Sure, but you know she's married right?"

"When's the last time you've seen your dad?"

"Touche."

Class A and B were having a get together after years of being unable to meet outside of patrol, when Mina pointed out Monoma's timepiece earrings.

"Hey, Monoma, where'd you get those earrings?"

"Midoriya."

"What?"

"I got them from Midoriya."

"Wait, Midoriya gave you piercings?!"

"Yes, you didn't know this?"

"No!"

"Shows how better us class B heroes are-"

"Not now, Monoma."

"Sorry Kendo, but yes, when I asked if he knew any good spots for piercings, he did them himself, also offered a tattoo but I declined."

"Wait...Deku does tattoos?!"

"I just said that."

"Midoriya!"

Midoriya who was not paying attention to the conversation and was just chatting with Uraraka, just looked behind him.

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell us that you did piercings?!"

"You guys didn't know?"

"No!"

"Oh, well I started doing them in early middle school because I saw some All Might earrings online and wanted them."

"That makes sense, and the tattoos?"

"That was just general boredom."

"Ok..any other secret hobbies we should know about?"

"I'm currently teaching Eri and Kota how to build cars from scrap."

"What."

"It's very rewarding, honestly."

It all started in the missions office, team seven, mainly Kakashi, picked out a few D-ranks for the day, a across was passed for Naruto to read to his teammates.

"Oh, I can't read."

"And why not?"

"It's not in braille."

"Naruto, braille is for blind people."

"I am blind, Sakura."

"What?"

"You though I keep my eyes closed for no reason?"

Naruto opened his eyes to reveal two pale blue eyes that lacked pupils.

"See? Ain't shit there."

"Was that a pun?"

"Yes it was."

"Wait, if you're blind...how'd you get past the academy?!"

"Spite."

"How do you fight?!"

"Changes in the air currents, seismic sensing, and generally good hearing."

"What do you mean, good hearing?"

"I could be 6 miles away from your house and I'd know what everyone in it was doing."

"That's disturbing.."

"You get used to it."

"I don't wanna get used to it."

"That's fair."

"Sasuke, did you know about this?!"

"About what?"

"Were you not paying attention?!"

"I don't know why you're getting so up and arms about Sasuke not hearing us."

"And why's that?"

"He's partially deaf."

"What?!"

"Yea, he's your crush, Sakura you're supposed to know this."

"How would I know that?!"

"There's a reason I always talk loud when I'm telling him stuff."

"Oh.."

"Right."

"Wait, Kakashi did you know about this?"

"Yea, but honestly, I just forgot."

"Am I the only one out of the three of us without some kind of disability?"

"Probably, but you never know, that could change."

"That sounds like a threat."

Sasuke, Kakashi, and Sakura, all stared at the woman beside Naruto, she was older than him with red hair and weird eyes, and she was glaring daggers at them.

"Naruto, can you tell her not to glare at us please."

"Makima! You're scaring them!"

"My apologies, Naruto, but I simply don't like them."

"You don't like anyone in this village!"

"Quite the contrary, I like you, and you're someone."

"Awe, you're just saying that."

"Believe me, I am not, I would kill everyone in this village if you asked me to."

"Naruto, please don't let her do that."

"Awe that's so sweet!"

"Naruto! That wasn't a sweet-"

"Don't you tell at him again."

"Yes ma'am.."

"Damn, she shut Sakura down fast, not even Sasuke can do that."

"Naruto, do you like dogs?"

"Yea, they're nice."

"Great, because I have a dog."

"What's his name?"

"It's Denji, I think you two would get along great."

"Sounds awesome!"

Class 1-A was about to leave for classes, when they noticed a tape recorder and a sticky note reading 'Play Me'

"Really? A recorder in that day and age?"

"Shut up, dunce face, it could be a villain leaving us a message."

"But none of us were attacked, and nothings missing."

"Or, instead of debating, we just play the thing and see what's on it."

Jirou stepped forward and pressed play.

*Hey there, greenie.*

Everyone present turned to Midoriya.

"First of all, rude, why'd you all assume it was me?"

"Green hair."

"Tsu has green hair! So does Hagakure..kinda."

"How'd yo-"

"Not now, so you're saying that the lady on the tape, isn't referring to you?"

"..."

"Exactly, now who is it."

"Oh god, it's my ex.."

"You have an ex?!"

"You've dated?!"

"Why's that so surprising?"

"Well, with how you act around women we assumed that you haven't date before."

"As fair as that is, my nervousness around women just comes from general social anxiety."

"Ok, what does your ex want?"

*We were good together, weren't we?*

"Is she trying to.."

"Midoriya?"

"Shhh."

*And we worked even better when the masks were on~*

"Oh no, she's using the voice.."

"What is happening?"

*Don't you think it's time to..reignite the flame?*

"She promised that she'd would give that life up!"

"Who would give what up?! And how do you know her?!"

"Before UA I used to do a little friendly-neighborhood vigilante stuff on the side, and she was one of my main villains, one thing led to another and you get the rest."

"And what are you gonna do now?, I'm sure Mr. Aizawa will help, maybe even Nezu if you ask."

"I'll have to go after her, Kirishima, go get your costume, we're heading out."

"Why me?"

"If I am alone with her for longer than ten minutes, there is a non-zero percent chance that I will fold like paper in a origami class."

"And you need me because?"

"I need someone with a strong moral compass."

"Well, why not Iida then?"

"He tried to murder someone once."

"What?!"

"Nevermind that! Let's just go!"

Hiruzen was staring at Naruto who was looking very smug, next to the boy sat the shadow leader of the Akatsuki and the perpetrator of the Kyubi attack, Obito Uchiha.

"While it's great that you 'defeated' the Akatsuki, Naruto. How did you do it?"

"You really wanna know?"

"That's why I asked."

"Ok so there I was in the club-"

"Naruto, imma stop you right there, you're like 10, how did you even get in the club?"

"Yes, anyway-"

"Naru-"

"Interrupt me again and your water will have itching powder in it for the next week."

"..."

"So there I was in the club, throwing ass. Busting it down straight sexual style, sipping on a lil sumn while at it."

"Not gonna question how you got in, but why did they serve you alcohol?"

"I used a special technique called money."

"Yea, that'd do it.."

"So while I was doing the caboose quaker 3000, I felt someone starring at me, I thought it was honey dip tryna catch what I dropping, but it wasn't, it was lil ol' spiral face here."

"And what happened next?"

"So he walked up to me, talking about some the world is hell bullcrap, I gave him a drink, he drunk it, then we went to eat ramen and got to talking, turns out we have a lot in common."

"Like what?"

"Dead parents, liking ramen and the color orange, unrequited love, the need for validation, and pranks."

"Right..."

"So after we ate ramen and I used my patent-pending Talk-no-Jutsu, we went back to the club and threw some celebratory ass together as friends."

At this point Hiruzen was tired of Naruto, so he looked at Obito.

"And you just let this happen?"

"He's my friend now."

Momo and Midoriya were discussing their middle school lives, specifically their projects.

"But it's nothing serious, I just made a cold fusion reactor for my final project, what about you, Midoriya?"

"I made yelp for heroes."

"Yelp? As in where you rate restaurants?"

"But for heroes yes."

"I didn't know you could build websites."

"Not at first, I had to take a class first, Aiba-sensei was very strict."

"As she should, you needed to be careful, one bug and the site could be abused."

"I actually haven't checked in a while, I did tell Todoroki about it, but I'm sure he gave Endeavor a one-star review."

"If he could he would've put no stars."

"Absolutely."

During his escape from the Aperture science labs testing facility, Midoriya learned two things, how to think with portals, and the cake is a lie, while exploring the moon, Midoriya met someone he didn't expect, not that he was expecting anyone.

"Mina?!"

"Midoriya?!"

"Mina what are you doing here?!"

"Visiting my grandparents, what about you?"

"Escaping a testing lab while being bullied by a robot."

"What?"

"Long stor- wait, Mina, why are you on the moon?"

"Visiting my grandparents, I just said that."

"On the moon?"

"You didn't think all those alien jokes I make are for no reason, do you?"

"I did."

"Well you should think next time, especially when you're at least part alien yourself."

"Um, I'm not an alien though."

"Midobabe, I hate to break it to you, but you're on the moon, without a suit, and still alive."

"Well when you put it like that.."

"I know it might be hard to handle."

"Not really, I know my mother's side isn't alien related, but I've never seen my dad since I was six, and I don't know his side of the family, so I do have a rather large margin of error."

"You seem calm about this."

"I think with portals."

"What?"

"The cake is a lie."

"Ok, I think you need to lie down."

Kakashi just stared at the figure that was currently sticking to the wall of his room in the Anbu barracks, they were wearing a god awful looking orange and blue web-patterned tracksuit with a mask with large fox ears attached to it.

"So, you come here often?"

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Would you believe me if I said sightseeing?"

"Obviously not."

"Damn, well you got me, I'm not sightseeing."

"I can tell, so, who are you?"

"I'm Spider-fox, and don't forget the hyphen!"

"Spider fox?"

"You said it without the hyphen!"

"Don't care, why Spider fox?"

"You sai- whatever, you see, I was bitten by a radioactive spider-fox, so for three years I've been Konoha's friendly neighborhood Spider-fox!"

"What is a spider-fox?"

"It's a mix of a spider and a fox, it was quite horrifying to look at actually, don't recommend it."

"Wait, you sound like you're twelve, and you said you've been doing this for three years, so you were nine when you started?!"

"Yea, I don't see why you're overreacting, with your track record and everything."

"Thats- know what, I don't care. Why are you here?"

"Lookin' for stuff on Danzo, got anything?"

"Huh, actually yea, right this way."

A few members of class A were sitting in the common room, just having a good time, talking, relaxing, eating, you know regular teen stuff, until Midoriya got a call mid conversation.

"Hold that, Tokoyami, my assistant is calling."

"Wha-"

"Hey, Isabelle, how's everything on the island?"

"*Muffled phone noises*"

"Mhm, mhm, I see, new houses."

"*More phone noises*"

"And the park needs renovation? Alright, what about the schools? Fine, ok good."

"*Even more phone noises*"

"Damn, the festival is that close already? Alright, I'll be there in let's say, an hour or two, give or take."

"*Click*"

"Man, being a mayor isn't easy, right Iida?"

"Midoriya, my friend.."

"Yes, Iida?"

"Forgive my language but what the world was that?"

"Oh I was just talking to my assistant, a few things on my island need maintenance."

"Right and say, you're the mayor of an island?!"

"Owner technically, but also the mayor. I mean you should know what I'm talking about, aren't you also a mayor?"

"No I am not."

"Huh, with the way you acted, I assume you were."

That's when Denki decided to chime in.

"So Midoriya, your parents own an island and you manage it?"

"Denki, I just said I owned it, no other person, just me."

"Who owns an island?!"

Momo slowly began to raise her hand before Jirou forced it back down.

"Oh right.."

"Midoriya I didn't know you were ballin' like that."

"It's just an island, I don't see what the big deal is."

"What do you even do there?"

"Well I manage it, do all the paperwork with the help of Isabelle, and my villagers just live there, do their jobs, go to school, explore hobbies, and just live in general."

"Does it have hero school?"

"I would set one up, but we don't have villains, any who tried were somehow domesticated."

"Strange way of putting it, but anything else?"

"Well, Nezu owns a vacation home there."

"What."

Team seven and Ten were on a mission together, Ino being bored decided to tell a scary legend.

"You know, if you're ever alone at night, a vampire might lure you away and drain all you chakra in seconds!"

"Why at night?"

"Because vampires are allergic to the sun?"

"Who said that?"

"I don't know! The legend I guess!"

"Well the legend is wrong, vampires aren't allergic to the sun, or garlic."

"And how do you know that?"

"I be reading and shit."

"That's a lie, Naruto, are you a vampire?"

"Nooo...what makes you think that?"

"Well, for one, you seem to know a lot about them."

"It's just a common legend, y'know?"

"Mhm, say, I've never noticed this, but your canines are very sharp, why's that?"

"I was born in October, y'know, spooky season."

"Right, how come during this entire mission, I've never once seen you sleep?"

"I don't know, why are you tryna watch me sleep?"

"Whatever, why are you always wearing that Fuckass track suit?"

"I'm cold."

"It's summer!"

"I'm anemic, got low iron and stuff."

"You have a tan!"

"Don't know what that has to do with anything."

"Okay, what do you think about stakes to the heart?"

"That'd kill anyone, not just vampires."

"Mhm, how come whenever you talk to an enemy, they somehow almost always do what you want?"

"I'm good at words and people."

"Mhm, what's your opinion on bats?"

"They're cute."

"..."

"..."

"I'm going to bed, Naruto, you stay the Fuck away from my tent."

"You're not my type, Ino!"

"Hey!"

Naruto wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, his secret was safe, for now.

As a kid, Midoriya watched a lot of Avatar the last Airbender. His favorite character being Ty Lee, so one day he decided to pull a Ty Lee and hit Bakugo and somehow disabled his quirk. The rest was history.

"So your quirk, is nullifying other quirks through contact?"

"Nope!"

"Then wha-"

"I'm quirkless."

"How?!"

"I use quirk blocking."

"Which is?"

"I hit special points in the nervous system and boom, your quirk- and that part of your body- doesn't work for a time."

"And you learned this how?"

"I watched a lot of Avatar, that beach episode did things to me."

"Too much information."

"But yea, quirk blocking has been very useful, Kachan is nicer now, don't get me wrong he's still an ass, just less so."

"You know, Midoriya, this might be why people think you're crazy."

"Oh those rumors? It's because I found out that quirk blocking works on mutant types."

"What."

Naruto knew better than to open giant ominous ornate golden doorways, but then again he was Naruto, so just because he knows better doesn't mean he'll do better. When he peered inside, he saw something.

"Huh.."

"What do you mean 'huh'?"

"I mean, with all the stuff you did to get me to the big ass door, I'd assume something cool would be on the other side of it."

"I am currently injecting horrors and knowledge beyond mortal comprehension into your brain."

"Look, yellow guy. I'm comprehending these horrors and stuff just fine."

"I am a king! And you will address me as so!"

"A king wearing yellow? I thought purple was the royal color."

"Color is subje-"

"DAMN!"

"What?.."

"Sorry, someone just walked by and she has a great ass!"

"I am a creature of infinite knowledge and even I don't know what you're rambling on about."

"Just look behind you dude."

And so, the king in yellow looked behind himself to see that it was his own daughter that walked by.

"THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!"

"I don't know if it was you or her mom that gave her those genes, but thank you."

"I'm reading your thoughts, and I'm going to say it now, I don't approve!"

"Too late, imma go spit game."

"No! I won't allow it!"

"The princess in yellow gonna be the princess with orange soon."

Naruto sat in front of Tsunade, looking utterly pleased with himself.

"Okay...so you made this..?"

"Sky manipulation."

"Yes, sky manipulation, for what purpose?"

"To piss Shikamaru off."

"And why did you do that?"

"Well I asked him if he wanted to eat ramen with me."

"And?"

"He called ramen a drag."

"So?"

"So, I decided that whenever he looks into the sky, he's gonna either see a ramen shaped cloud or me."

"You know how much Naras love their cloud watching, right?"

"That's why I did it. To be honest it's been really useful outside of tormenting Shika."

"I bet.."

"Seriously! I can fly, make clouds, one time I had Sasuke shoot a fireball at me and I bent the sky and made it hit Kakashi."

"Are you gonna use this newfound power in any responsible way?"

"Granny, you should know me by now, absolutely not. Imma go race the Tsuchikage."

"Bring me back some Earth country sake, imma need it."

"You got it!"

After being abducted in the weirdest way, Naruto began to experience horrors beyond his comprehension, but Naruto being Naruto, didn't understand them and moved on. During a particularly long chase sequence, he saw two other kids also being chased.

So he quickly scooped them up, against their will, and booked it into an abandoned building.

"I know I just saved you two, no need to thank me."

"..."

"Look, I know what I just said, but that would be the part where you thanked me."

"We would've been fine, I have an axe, and Six has..well she's scary so she can handle herself."

"Look, bag boy-"

"Mono."

"Didn't ask, but my name's Naruto. Anyway, imma be blunt, y'all were finna get munched, speaking of munching, do either of you know where I can get something to eat?"

"Have you not seen this place? The whole is abandoned, we couldn't get food even if we tried!"

"Have you tried?"

"Obviously!"

"Wait, bag boy-"

"Still Mono."

"Don't care, so I know you talk, but what about her in the raincoat?"

"No she doesn't really talk much, or at all really."

"Huh, so she's emo."

"What's that?"

"I'll tell you later, anyway, do either of you know how to leave?"

"If we did we wouldn't be here."

"Don't sass me, young man."

"We're the same age!"

"Ehhh, I'm ten, just short."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, baggy. Anyway, good thing I brought some emergency ramen!"

"You have food?!"

"Yea, you two don't carry emergency ramen? Weirdos."

As Kurenai was about to instruct her team for their training, she noticed Hinata practically foaming at the mouth, so she decided to ask Shino what was going on.

"Umm, Shino?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on with Hinata?"

"She's going feral because Naruto got tongue piercings."

"Really? He didn't seem like the type to get those."

"I thought so too."

It was at that very convenient moment hat team seven walked by, and Hinata practically teleported in front of Naruto and grabbed him by his jacket.

"LEMMESEETHEM!"

"What?"

"THEPIERCINGSINEEDTOSEETHEM!"

"I'm not gonna lie, you're being kinda rough with me, and I'm okay with that but I need to actually understand what you're saying."

"The piercings...show them to me.."

"Oh that's what this is about?"

Naruto stuck his tongue and showed three piercings.

"See, cool right?"

"..."

"Is she okay? She's still grabbing me."

"I think she passed out."

"Kurenai, can you get Hinata to release my student."

"You see, I would but...I just won a bet with Anko soooo."

Minato slammed his head down on his desk, that council meeting had went poorly, Danzo and his war-hawking ways wanting to set the Kyubi, who was in his soot-to-be wife, on the other villages who were weakened due to the recent war.

"On your feet, dad."

"What the-"

Looking to the side, Minato saw an orange spectre, in was roughly in the shape of a twelve year old.

"Danzo was talkin' a bit too much."

"Did you just call me dad? And wait, who or what are you?!"

"You'll know later when mom comes and tells you the news."

"New?! What is going on?"

"Danzo called mom a weapon, you really gonna let that slide?"

"I don't want to, but I can't do anything, he's an elder."

"And you're the hokage, whose gonna stop you?"

"..."

"Yea...you feel it..slime him out."

"I can't."

"He called your wife basically a tool, me personally... I wouldn't let that slide."

"..."

"That's just me though."

"Look, whatever you are-"

"Aren't you the man who made two A-rank Jutsu in under a year?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you the man who defeated over a thousand Shinobi with two kunai, a prayer, and no sleep?"

"Yea, that was me!"

"And who is Danzo? Just some guy who was skipped over for Hokage because he was too cowardly at the wrong moment. And he's still bitter about it."

"Yes, he is.."

"And You're the man who bagged Uzumaki Kushina!"

"Hell yea I am!"

"And you're gonna let him suggest sending your wife to what's gonna be her death?"

"Hell no!"

"And what are you gonna do about it?"

"Put him in his place!"

"Yes...yes..good, crash out.. unleash the cage.."

"Naruto!"

Both Minato and Naruto jumped at the voice, the spectre, now named Naruto, looked over his shoulder, to Minato there was nothing, but he could only guess who Naruto was looking at. The voice sounded like Hiruzen, just older. Well..older than he already is.

"Wassup, gramps?"

"Don't 'wassup' me! Stop editing the timeline! And stop instigating!"

"Gotta go, dad."

Aizawa received a call from the most accident prone of all his students, which was worrying, Midoriya never called him, especially during a break.

*Hey Mr.Aizawa, I need help.*

"With what exactly? And make it quick, I'm trying to teach Eri how to braid hair."

*Ok so, I may have become America's number one hero.. accidentally.*

"What?"

*Well, I became America's number one hero.*

"How?"

*Well, mom and I were visiting dad, and in my downtime I just started doing things.*

"Like what?"

*Well, I helped cats out of trees, bought girl scout cookies, found lost dogs, helped elderly people cross the street, picked up litter and punched an animal abuser*

"How did that-"

*Yea, next thing I know I'm being voted number one hero, and I had to give a speech, fumbled that. At least I got to meet Star & Stripe, also met Superman too.*

"Know what, I don't care, don't be late for class next week, Eri says hi, and I'm saying goodbye."

Azula was having a good day, she burned some people, took over a village, got praised by her father, trained, shit talked Zuko, made headway in the Avatar hunting, so it was a good day. At least until she saw a twelve year old blonde on her ship, just existing.

"Hello!"

"Greetings Young one, tell me, do you know where you stand and whom you speak to?"

"Nope!"

"You are on my ship."

"It's a nice ship."

"I know, and you speak to Azula."

"Who?"

"What do you mean, 'who' I just told you who I am, you should be trembling in fear and awe!"

"Never heard of ya!"

"You stand before the daughter of the Fire Lord!"

"Never heard of 'em either."

"..."

"You seem stressed, wanna talk about it?"

"Which rock did you crawl out of?"

"I'm not from earth country, I'm from fire country!"

"So you're from the fire nation, yet you've no clue who I nor my father am?"

"I'm not from the fire nation, fire country. Why do people get that mixed up so much?"

"What?"

"Ok so, I'm from a place called the elemental nations, fire country specifically."

"And where would that be?"

"East of the border."

"That explains the accent."

"Well, technically I'm from whirlpool and fire country."

"Huh? But you said-"

"I lived in whirlpool by myself for six years, then in fire country for the other six."

"You're twelve, why were you living alone?"

"You don't know what an orphan is? You're family is making a lot of em."

"I should kill you for that statement."

"You can try, anyway I'm not even sure how I got to whirlpool at first, but the way they got to fire country was more kidnapping than anything else, but potato, tomato, or however the saying goes."

Having enough of this conversation, and this kid's very existence, she hurled a wave of flames at the kid, and when they died down, the child unharmed.

"The fuck- you should be dead!"

"But I'm not."

"How?!"

"Death is a social construct, and I don't adhere to norms."

"...Wait, how long have you been in my ship?"

"About three days."

"How have I not noticed you?!"

"You were too busy doing your evil dictator in training routine to notice."

"Look, child-"

"Naruto."

"What?"

"My name is Naruto."