TenTen was fucking tired, her team along with team seven had a joint C-rank mission, it was supposed to be simple, leave the village and deliver the documents, head back to the village. But it's never that easy, because apparently the team seven curse was real! The moment Konoha was nothing but a speck in the horizon, shit went to things!

"What's stopping me?"

"The fact we're deep in enemy fucking territory and by ourselves should be enough!"

"Well, it isn't."

"Why not?!"

"I've been dealing with this for months, got used to it."

"You shouldn't be!"

"There's a process to these things, Ten-chan. We leave the village, some bullshit happens, we out bullshit the bullshit, we go home. Do I know how or why life works like this? No, but it does."

"Well dumbass, I'm not sure if you noticed but we are legit surrounded by man eating spiders!"

"So I've heard."

"And seen! They tried to eat it us less then five minutes ago! I'm surprised they haven't found this sorry excuse of a hiding spot."

"You keep yelling, they might just find us faster."

"Well, I'm sorry! I didn't see you get spider gut juice in your mouth!"

"How'd it taste?"

"I'm gonna strangle you."

"With what? You've got barely any weapons left and your hands and your hands can't really fit around my jacket collar."

"I'll find a way."

"Say, why the Fuck does this band of rogue Shinobi have a giant spider cave anyway?"

"Don't know, don't care. I want out!"

"You seem stressed, have a sip."

"That's hot fucking chocolate! You can't get drunk off that!"

"You can do anything if you try hard enough, also there's hardcore chocolate liqueur in here so."

"I'm just gonna ignore you."

"You can try, so many have and they all failed."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Lee and Guy-Sensei's screams about youth, and Neji's fate rants...it's better than being stuck with you!"

The skitter of very hungry man-eating spiders the size of large dogs and beyond began to pick up and head in the direction of TenTen and Naruto's hiding spot.

"Look what you did, you alerted the horde."

Oh man what a killer headache. He didn't know these things could be that painful or annoying. He grabbed his head while pulling himself up with-

He looked down and saw no arm on his right side

Naruto blinked, then again and finally

"THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" Came a roar so loud it echoed all of heaven and shook the buildings

While swears of unmentionable topics were fired off so rapidly they would make every curser blush a figure stood next to the newest resident of Heaven. The angel's name was Emily, a cheerful and happy girl who loved to help any soul in her sight, gave charity to the poor and helped out at soup kitchens, yknow standard angel business

Said business included greeting newcomers to the heavenly host however....

"- and when I get my hands on him I'll rip out his *** and stuff a ***** up his ***** and pull it out through his **** untill-!"

Nope, still going. Hm, she should probably do something about that so she reached out and carefully poked him in the shoulder. As she did so the blonde froze then his head turned towards her in a robotic fashion- which if she was honest freaked her out- then silently stared at her for a solid minute

Emily smiled nervously as she slightly raised her hand and waved"....hi?"

[Meanwhile]

While that was going on topside, deep down below was a different thing altogether

Many random sinners ran screaming from some shitty bar that no one knew the name or owner of. All they knew was that some fucked up psycho( crazy considering they were in Hell, home to all psychos of history) killed the poor fuck and took over then proceeded to beat the absolute shit out of anyone that tried anything: scam the bar? Goodbye face, threaten him for booze or something else? Goodbye half your body, attack him? Say goodbye to existing cause the bastard could somehow kill you even without angelic weapons. None at all!

This of course attracted the attention of one Charlie Morningstar as she passed by the horde of panicked sinners and pushed the door open. The inside looked the same as any other bar: wood floor with wooden furniture, walls covered with wallpaper usually red & black or some other dark colour. From the ceiling several low light lamps were suspended, giving it a dark and moody atmosphere

Now this would be all good and fancy if it wasn't splattered with blood, bones and body parts

And in the middle of it all sat an odd looking figure- humanoid in shape yet it didn't appear to have any features besides it's still beating heart and veins and blood vessels clearly visible through its body and said body was a dark blood red hue that shifted to black at their limbs. A pair of branch looking horns sprouted from the person's head while wings of similar material were attached to their shoulders

"Uh, hello?" Charlie greeted them optimistically, smiling although it was cautious and flinched when the person( she still had no idea of their gender, despite their heavily male looking body. Knowing Angel was enough to know not to judge- nor that she would anyway)

"Whaddya want?" Came the rough, uninterested and definitely male voice from the figure

She blinked before regaining herself "W-Well I saw all the people-"

He scoffed "they're sinners Princess, no need to sugarcoat it"

"-people" she continued, emphasising it " running away from here and decided I should check it out and see if it's anyone dangerous. Or anyone going too far" she finished and stared at him

If the guy could( having no eyes and all) she had the impression he would be blinking at the moment

Now he started speaking "Too far? Dangerous?" His tone showed his bewilderment at her words "I'm no genius but even I know there's nothing too far for anyone down here. And before you interrupt me-" she totally wasn't "- everyone's a sinner; they're here cause they did lots and lots of bad shit while alive and now they reap the rewards. And sure" he shrugged "some did get sent here without good reason- but that ain't the standard. It's the exception" he finished by crossing his arms over his muscled chest

And boy what a snack! ...what? She can enjoy a guy with deliciously amazing abs and still have a girlfriend. Besides she was Bi so hah suck it! Back to the mystery guy with cheese grater abs

"While I do agree that many deserve to be here I'm more curious on you sir. I'm Charlie Morningstar, hell's Princess and it's nice to meet you! She was all smiles as she reached out for a handshake

Mystery guy took one look at her hand then back at her

"Name's Naruto, and I ain't doing any surprise deals- even if it's a hot babe like yourself"

Charlie blinked as her face flushed from a genuine compliment and not some attempt to cozy up to her- she'd know considering how many she had to deal with on a daily basis

"Well Naruto let me be the first one to welcome you to Hell"

Team seven was arrested, that was not good. What was worse is that it wasn't a Konoha based prison, sure it was a Fire country based prison(yay) but it wasn't under Konoha jurisdiction(not yay) but still, Kakashi was thankful that his team and himself was all put in the same cell.

"When you're me, and you do things, you meet people."

"That is the vaguest possible answer ever.."

"It's the truth though."

"You knew the guards by name!"

"Ryu is getting married, I had to know what flower arrangements they were going with."

"How do you know that?!"

"Things happen."

"What?!"

At that moment a guard was escorting a prisoner bound in a straightjacket, a crazed look in her eyes.

"One second- Hey, Tsukihika! How've you been?"

"Muffled noises"

"Really? College already, they grow up fast."

"More muffled noises"

"Grandkids too?! Man, I'll have to send a card."

"Muffled noise"

"Okay, talk to you later."

"Naruto, who the hell was that?!"

"That was Tsukihika."

"I heard her name, how do you know her?!"

"Eh, met sometime before this."

"That explains nothing!"

"Yea, oh! And before I forget, if you meet her without me, don't bring up her husband, or the subject of marriage around her. At. All. Throws her into a frenzy, you see."

"And why would that happen?"

"You ask too many questions, but I'll tell you anyway. She killed her husband, chopped him up into little pieces and ate his ass."

"..."

"Yea, she was always a little crazy, oh and Sasuke, don't tell her that you're and Uchiha."

"Do I even wanna know?"

"No, but her husband was an Uchiha, so just seeing you might send her over the edge."

"..."

"Anyway, I'll have my usual guy come and bail us out in a week."

"Why a week?!"

"I have some people I wanna catch up with first."

Naruto had arrived at the 3 star mountain Monastery with a note from Hiruzen signed by Monkey King: Enma about going to 'Find where a greater sage had trained'.

Naruto first response to the Puti Zushi smacking him for lies was to straight up Rasengan the immortal and then Kyuubi 3 tailed beat down.

The old monk laughs as his body is repairing itself and tells Naruto to get changed into robes as he has a uniform for the Monks who train under him.

Naruto is taught another energy type: QI and internal Alchemy and other stuff that confuses him at first but eventually he gets it and when told to pick his Cultivaton Method Kurama Suggests one and Puti Zushi immediately smacks Naruto 3 times warning such Methods anger the gods.

Kurama tells Naruto to go at night and learns the same method wukong did however Naruto doesn't pick the 72 earthly forms as to quote him "Why would i need that when I already have henge?" And goes for the 36 heavenly forms which is less turning into animals more Manipulating Creation: Making something from nothing or bending natural laws and Reversing Yin and Yang: Changing day to night or altering cosmic order.

First thing Naruto makes is True Instant Ramen. *snap fingers* cup appears ready and delicious.

I have two favorites:
Uzumaki's War by Daystar Clarion (last update 2010)
Reality Bites by dti (last update 2018)

I’ve read these both dozens of times each and despite being incomplete they’re still some of my favorites. Still, I find myself periodically visiting the authors’ profiles to see if they’ve been active, despite knowing how insanely unlikely that would be.

Recommend me your favorites. Preferably on Ao3 or FFN.

I did this a couple of years ago, some of you might remember. But my thoughts on Naruto changed a lot since then, so I felt like doing it again.

I'm unable to find this old fanfiction that I read a long time ago

It was something along the lines of the shinobi that has a code of conduct which they follow along a system where the jonin sensei has the responsibility for how their team performance and behaviour other they bear the consequences of it , and everybody knows about this rule except for team 7 because kakashi doesn't want them to know and they indirectly land kakashi in trouble.

Every other team is angry with them because of this even Iruku hints at them that don't make it hard on kakashi .Ultimately it's shikamaru that informs them of this. Somewhere in the middle of the fic there was also lee comforting tenten because she got guy-sensei into trouble and was crying because of it.

If someone would help out I'll be very thankful.🙏

So I'm planning on having the relationship between the Leaf and the fire daimyo to be pretty tenuous. They pretty much need to supplement whatever funding they get from the daimyo so the clans step up. I've always found it odd that the clans weren't more integral to the village's economy or if they were, why it wasn't shown.

Anyway I would like suggestions on what businesses the clans could have. I have a few ideas. We know the Nara make medicine from deer antlers. I have the Akimichi in the food business. Hyuga in linen. It could be minor or major clans, whatever you got but this is a pretty serious story, keep that in mind please.

Jiraiya is surprised and asked what he means.

"It's a fucking Tailed beast bomb! The thing that leveled the village?!" Naruto shouted "Why are you so obsessed with me used Fuzzy wuzzy!? I hate that fucking thing it ruined my life why would i want to use it at all?! Or Why the fuck would I want to use it's signature attacks?!"

"The Rasengan was invented by Minato, you know the 4th."

"The same fuck ass Twink who stored a tailed beast in me! I want the Flying Thunder God not Rasenbullshit!" Naruto shouted.

"I can't teach you that!" Jiraiya shouted.

"Why the fuck not?!" Naruto shouted red chakra coating his body "Why can't i have the freedom jutsu?! Why can't i have the the one jutsu that would solve 99% of problems?!"

The two get to Tsunade but Naruto hasn't been practicing the Rasengan.

"I want Flying Thunder God!" Naruto whines.

"I can't teach you that."

"I can." Tsunade said causing Naruto to turn "My uncle invented it and i know the basics of it. Never got how the 4t uses it but its a tag on a kunai."

"Thanks boobie lady!"

"Hold one we need to make a deal." Tsunade said "You pay my gambling Debts and I'll teach you the technique."

Naruto walks into a casino and clears out the whole place "Here." Naruto says handing her the money.

Naruto was in his seal when the world vanished.

Straight up vanished.

All villages were now in bubbles and living 100 times slower then the outside. The only way to get out of the bubble is for every single person in the civilization to agree to shut it off.

Naruto was one of the only people who were stuck outside the bubbles.

Fortunately, he has the sun Seal from the Sage of Six so he has a comprehensive knowledge on living by himself in the savage lands.

And another Unfortunate events...Kurama's Children are attacking him!

Giant half Bijuu half regular foxes hybrids from back before the sage died and Kurama was just a fox gifted chakra by the sage his children are now the apex predators of the planet.

Naruto nearly dies fighting one and its blood awakens his new Spark. Immortality.

"No! Not that! Anything but that!" Naruto screams clawing at one of the bubbles around a village "let me in...LET ME IN!"

In the fanfic, iruka passed out after the mizuki incident so he doesn't graduate Naruto, due to this Naruto doesn't graduate the academy. After the mizuki incident, it turns out that Naruto accidentally copied the forbidden scroll when he used the shadow clone jutsu against mizuki, this gives Naruto the idea to become as strong as possible as a prank

Kakashi stared at Naruto, he was decked out in a yellow and black tracksuit, a strange symbol on his chest and domino mask on his face. That wasn't the strangest part though, that was the fact that Naruto was floating in the air, Kakashi knew for a fact that Naruto couldn't do that yesterday.

"And you just let the ring to that?"

"Yes."

"Why?'

"Why not?"

"It's a talking ring from space! Who knows what it's intentions are?!"

"She does. I think it's a she, the voice sounded female, though it's a ring I'm not sure if rings have genders. Let me ask, hey ring, do you have a gender?"

"I'm a ring."

"Guess not, say, what's your plans with me?"

"My plan is to restore the yellow lantern corp to it's former glory and take it to new heights!"

"Ouuu, a restoration mission, cool."

"No! Not cool! You don't even know what this yellow lantern corp is!"

"Hm, you're right, hey ring?"

"Yes?"

"What's a yellow lantern corp?"

"I'm glad you asked, the yellow lantern corp was a group of-"

"Don't care, gimmie the short version."

"...We were a group of individuals fueled by the power to instill fear in others and recently battled with the green lanterns, leaving only myself."

"Naruto! It just said it's powered by fear!"

"I know, I heard."

"Do you not care?!"

"Not really, this whole being powered by fear thing and fighting green lanterns sounds really fun, I never really liked the color green all that much anyway."

"I knew I picked the right one."

"Oh my god...my favorite student is an idiot.."

"Awwwee, I'm your favorite?"

"Shut up."

"I don't know why you're so up in arms about this, I mean, Hinata got a red ring last week."

I don’t want OP Teleportation = Broken power slop. I want the mc to use Hiraishin but in a way that it isn’t a one trick pony wins every fight. Whether it’s because of a drawback that’s personal to the mc, it has a cooldown, or even if it just becomes difficult to use in fights, give me a well written fic that includes Hiraishin. Completed only. I don’t care who, just that they use Hiraishin.

As the title says, fanfics where Naruto gets a doujutsu transplanted instead of awakening it through the power of bs or being born with it, with no harem, I already read Spiral ripple, the renegade and the sage.

There's a surprisingly lack of fanfics where Naruto becomes a proper jinchuriki, I really didn't like how after years of supposedly learning to control it with Jiraiya he came back as a time bomb waiting for the mention of Sasuke to destroy everything without any control whatsoever.

Kurenai didn't just report to the hokage about her students progress in their training, but she also reported to their parents, out of courtesy. Right now, she was talking to Hiashi Hyuga.

"How do those two things correlate?"

"It's Naruto."

"And?"

"Oh, you don't know."

"Is there something I should be privy to regarding my daughter?"

"She has a major crush on Naruto, I'm talking already planning for marriage and kids deal, not just kissing and holding hands."

"That makes...a lot of sense actually, that explains all the orange, the foxes, and now the octopi in her room. I was wondering where all her allowance went.."

"You're not upset by this?"

"No..I was the same way with her mother, she gets it from me."

"Right..."

"Say, what can Uzumaki do with his contract?"

"Summon octopi, turn parts of his body into tentacles, produce ink clouds, and is hyper flexible, among other things. That's as much as Kakashi told me."

"Hm, though Hinata has the social skills and confidence of a wet walnut, she does act like her mother when pushed, I fear for Uzumaki's safety."

"Act like her mother, how?"

"Well, when her mother fell in love with me, and despite my love for her, I was oblivious to her pining. And she went feral, for months she tried multiple ways to get us together, from stranding us in different places, to downright just saying it."

"I see."

"There's more she did, but the thing that through to me was when she invited me to a wedding as her plus one. I didn't even know it was my own until I was at the altar. Wearing a tuxedo still don't remember purchasing or putting on, and placing a ring on her finger."

It was at that moment Hinata walked past the office, duffle bag on her shoulder, a look of determination on her face. And an air of confidence that could put Guy to shame.

"Oh, she has her mother's bomb kit, I remember that one. You might wanna go make sure she doesn't do anything too explosive. There's a balance to these things."

"The Hyuga are weird.."

"Don't I know it."

How would the story and events been different if byakugan could evolve into tensigan (Lets just says hagomoro accidently cause this mutation byakugan or something)