u/CaterpillarGarden879

Iam self aware of my emotions, how is it triggered, but can’t seem to act logically, even if I know it’s a loop , i still jump to it , it’s tiring . Even if it’s a friendship it’s tough .

I’m trying to understand my emotional/attachment pattern and how it would affect relationships, and I’d really appreciate honest perspective.

I think I experience emotions and attachment very intensely internally, even when the external situation is small or short-lived. For example, I’ve had a situation where a very brief interaction with someone stayed in my mind for months and affected me emotionally in a strong way, even though there was no real relationship or deep interaction, like I don’t even know their face or name .

It’s not really about jealousy or physical attraction for me. My attachment feels more mental and emotional — like I build meaning, connection, and emotional significance internally very quickly. Sometimes it becomes hard to let go, even when logically I know the connection wasn’t that deep.

Because of this, I’ve never been in a real relationship, but I do have a long-term friendship (15+ years) So I know I can maintain long-term bonds, but romantic attachment feels different and more intense in my head.

I also notice that when I don’t have emotional direction in life, I feel unmotivated or empty, and I sometimes start thinking that having a romantic relationship might give me purpose, structure, or emotional grounding.(ik it’s not healthy lol)

At the same time, this is exactly what makes me hesitant — because I feel like if I get into a relationship and it ends, I won’t recover,

(hyper fixation from adhd, RSD to close people/becoming close, selective preoccupied anxious attachment with fearful tendencies, when I feel disinterest from them thinking they hate me ,smt along those lines )

So I feel stuck between:
- craving emotional closeness and companionship
- and fearing my own intensity and attachment response
-had chances to form relationships but i knew i couldn’t handle casual or something that won’t end in marriage or similar.

What I want to understand is:
- Is this an attachment style issue, emotional regulation issue, or something else?
- Why do some people feel such strong internal attachment from small interactions?
- How do people with this kind of emotional intensity handle relationships without becoming overwhelmed or overly dependent?
- Is it possible to build a healthy relationship when your mind tends to attach very deeply and give emotional meaning quickly?