u/Cclearly3

I was with someone that had ADHD/RSD. This may be a little bit hardcore, but I’ve been doing a bit of “immersion” therapy myself in hopes to desensitize the triggers. I also read “No Bad Parts” and “What My Bones Know” along with therapy.

While it’s not our fault that we have CPTSD, it is our responsibility as adults to manage it and not put the burden on our partners. It took me leaving stressful/loving relationship to finally look at it for what it was and do the work. Therapy, reflection, meditation and all.

What I have found that has worked for me, is coaching myself in real time while triggered. It’s very difficult at first because your mind is conjuring up all of these assumptions and safety mechanisms. Eventually, the self talk becomes louder than the alarm system going off in your head, and you can actually hear yourself think rather than just act. I work in a male dominated field and the environment has helped me to quiet the assumptions in my mind. I’m not as hyper-vigilant as I was before and having my own office has helped a lot so that I can shut the door and self soothe for a few minutes when needed.

For me, taking it back to basics and getting out of the house and having other people in my life was important and I’ve only realized this since moving back to my home state that having other supports are important.

I don’t know how long it will take or if I’ll ever be “cured”. It’s unfortunate that my ex and I have broken up too many times that I can’t show up as a different person as I was before. I can’t really describe it other than that life feels a little bit more colorful now and I’m eager to show up a better version

I think that my part of the relationship ending was due to what I can only think of was mostly due to a lack of community and the friends I so needed then, but it is what it is now. For them to be my mirror and not only my boyfriend at the time. I can’t blame my ex for hating me now as the damage is done.

Just know that for those of us doing the work, there are people out there who will lovingly meet us where we’re at.

This is probably not unique to ADHD, but I figured I’d ask for help here.

How do you deal with an overly sensitive and easily offend-able partner?

My boyfriend and I (35F) and (39M DX) often joke about how he’s the woman and I’m the man in the relationship.

We’ve been together for almost 2 years. I’ve been a first responder for over a decade, so when it comes to stress I do great in these situations and tend to just get through it without much fallout in the way it bothers my boyfriend. He also views me standing up for myself as being argumentative. I will give grace and say that he’s very well aware of this and will start therapy soon to **finally** address it.

Is there some sort of middle ground I’m not seeing?

It’s come to the point that I feel that I can’t express true concerns because he ruminates until the issue gets magnified and I’ll hear about the supposedly squashed problem days or weeks later.

He’s a constant ball of stress and it’s caused health concerns for him in the past. His kryptonite lately has been blowing text messages way out of proportion. Everyone on God’s green earth knows that you can’t fully convey emotion via text. I’m patiently waiting for him to have some therapy sessions under his belt before getting my hopes up.

What are other people doing in these situations??