I‘m 16 and I‘m tired of living
As the title says, I‘m 16 and I have suicidal thoughts. I didn’t know what content warning to put, because I have been sexually assaulted and am struggling with dealing with it and I have suicidal thoughts. It happened when I was 12 and I am still struggling to get over it that an old man I looked up to did something like that. (More context, he lived with us, often drank, was bestfriends with my stepdad, and he did it when I was asleep. The next day, he was kicked out and I watched my stepdad help him pack his stuff. My older brother said that I should understand my stepdad too because it was his bestfriend, and that I would do the same. But I wouldn’t..? I‘m not wrong for thinking that, right? Its wrong to help someone that assaulted your step daughter. Its super wrong)
I‘m suffering of depression, social anxiety, anxiety in general (fearing going outside, fearing men, fearing being alone even with male family members/even if they would never do me any harm, everytime I go outside I believe I will get killed or r*ped and it is my biggest fear), and stressing. I‘m completely stressed out with having to take care of my 6 year old brother all the time, clean the entire house, and then be expected to do it all every day without complaining while my parents work. If I dont want to do it, I get called lazy and mocked for how I feel and my depression. I feel like I was born to just slave away in the house and babysit my brother. I always wanted a brother but I didn’t want to be a mom. I feel so bad writing about this online knowing what my mom went through but I‘m hurting too so much. Life is hitting me so hard right now that I just dont see another way. What is the point of living? I just dont believe things will get better for me. I dont wanna be here anymore I‘m so tired of everything. I dont wanna grow at all. Please dont send any hate I‘m just so lost