Forced to raise my sibling + family trying to get me to have kids
When I was 16 my baby brother was born despite us not having a stable income or the time to raise a child. My parents really wanted a boy, at the time they only had my sister and I. Being neurodivergent I am a very impatient person prone to explosive anger and heavy anxiety/ depression. I never liked children and never cared about having one of my own and when my mother announced her pregnancy I knew what was coming.
And there it was: the kid was dumped into my arms since the day he was born. I had to push down all my anger and sensory issues to take care of a screaming, crying baby while my parents were either busy with other stuff or didn’t care to deal w him (they’re currently in their 50s, I’d say that’s pretty old to be having a child). My brother only recently found out that I’m not his parent, now he’s 5 and I’m 21. He’s a wonderful kid but this has destroyed my life.
I can’t go out with friends, I can’t take a nap if I’m exhausted, I never get a break if im sick and it doesn’t matter how tired I am I can only go to sleep once my brother goes to sleep (and even then he wakes up multiple times at night). Starting 16 I had to plan my school/ uni schedule around my brother’s life. I ended up failing a lot of courses not to mention I’m diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and deal with a lot mentally. I developed alcoholism and drug problems at some point, my brother would ask why I was suddenly so happy but I never failed to show up for him even during those times. He always says how happy he is that I’m with him and this is the only thing that keeps me going.
About two months ago my father announced that he bought the three of us tickets to go to our home country for the summer. I cried for a week straight as I had told him that I do not want to leave right now due to work related matters and wanting a little break but I guess he needed a housewife who will cook, clean and take care of my brother while he’s out partying. Leaving my brother at home with me wasn’t an option he wanted to consider either since he insisted that he has to be in his home country. I had to resign from the job that I worked hard to get (I was a new hire and they wouldn’t accept a two month break).
He’s been teaching my brother all sorts of bullshit that women are inferior to men and he has the right to boss me around since I’m a woman. My brother doesn’t understand any of this yet and he only uses these phrases when he’s around our father to get validation but it is becoming increasingly insufferable. I can’t stand anyone in this family I want to get out so bad but I come from a traditional household and moving out isn’t an option until I’m married. All my bank accounts are under their supervision, there’s cameras in the house so they know what I’m doing when. now my mother who i thought at least understood me says it’s time to get married and have children of my own.
I still feel an 8 year old stuck in a 21 year olds body. This is a nightmare and I don’t want to go through this process again when I’m not even done raising this kid. I was greatly disappointed with my mother because she has spent years apologizing to me for physically abusing me in the past and i thought we were getting close again. She promised to love me no matter what.
I don’t want to get married, I don’t want children. I just want people to leave me the fuck alone but it’s all every relative can ever talk about. I am so exhausted of it all. What is this cult around forcing people who clearly don’t want and can’t take care of children to have them?