r/Parentification

This has been going on all my life and no matter how many times I try to set boundaries they always make out like I’m the bad guy and I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

For context, I sometimes buy food that’s not to share. Only little things like a donut or some chocolate but I’ll keep it in the fridge to save for when I want to have it. When I was younger my mom would eat it and then pretend that she didn’t know it was mine. So I started either leaving a note on it or verbally telling everyone in the household that it was mine.

However, she would still eat whatever it was I had. Even when I was trying to meal prep I’d spend two hours a week making my food and by the end of the week it was all gone because she would eat it. This would either leave me hungry or out of pocket for having to buy food at work. I’ve tried to tell her on multiple occasions the impact this has on me but she would accuse me of being selfish and stupid. She is of a firm belief that because I live under her house, everything that I own belongs to her.

Recently, this behaviour has gotten even more bizarre where I’ll walk away from eating something only to come back and find it gone because she’s helped herself.

I really don’t know what to do or if there is anything I can do? I suppose I’m just looking to see if this is normal behaviour in other people’s households because it feels really odd and does make me more upset than I like to admit because it almost feels as if she is permanently overstepping my consent.

I 16F live with my mother 45F my brother 18M and my sister 8F.

For some context my father died suddenly two years ago due an od and this really messed my mom up like she was a foster kid because her parents were really abusive and she says that my dad's passing is the worst thing to ever happen to her long story short she shut down like completely and she stoped parenting my then 6 year old sister so I stepped in fast forward to now I have finally helped her out of her depression she wants to start being sister's mom again but she does not respect or listen to mom at all (which makes sense ) but she listens to me and mom has noticed this and she is upset by it so she has been regularly screaming at me for "parenting over her" but most of her "parenting" has been screaming at sister or locking her in her room or calling her names or some combination of those and I have had to be the one to calm her down and comfort the sobbing 8 year old who's mom just told her that no one loved her a few days ago I confronted my mother about this and she has not talked to me sense now my brother is telling me to apologize so she will stop wandering around and sobbing loudly outside everyone's doors but I don't think want to this time. I need advice on this

I’m (38F) currently sitting on my balcony feeling like an atomic bomb went off in my life. I need to get this off my chest because I feel completely isolated and hopeless.

A bit of context: I’m single and went through a painful breakup 12 days ago and still ongoing.

I’ve spent my entire adult life being the "strong one" for my parents. I've done everything for them..handling their paperwork, negotiating with the landlord etc, physical labor (chopping firewood, clearing out the house), and constantly playing therapist/mediator in their toxic, passive-aggressive marriage. They constantly complain about each other to me behind their backs, leaving me to carry all their emotional garbage to bed every night.

Yesterday, I went over to their place. I was already emotionally exhausted and struggling. Right away, it was the usual passive-aggressive sniping between them. They have a roof over their head and each other, yet they appreciate nothing. Then my dad made a casual racist remark, and I just had to step outside for a smoke. I didn't even have the energy to play the strong daughter anymore.

Then my mom burst out in a panic, saying their landlord was outside.

My dad and I were confused and asked what he wanted or if he had knocked.

My mom literally panicked and yelled, "YES! But I am NOT going out there!"

My dad glared at me, I didn't react, so he got up, snapped at her, and went outside. My mom sat down next to me.

In that exact moment, something inside me snapped. I realized: I can't do this anymore. I have given EVERYTHING to fix your lives, and I have zero strength left.

I burst into tears. My mom was totally clueless, asking if she or my dad said something wrong.

They just don't get it. I ran to my dad's workshop to cry in peace, telling my mom: "I can't handle this anymore. Constant drama with this house, with my brother's marriage, with your marriage. I'm done."

Later, both of them sat in front of me like I was being interrogated, minimizing everything. I told them straight out how much their 24/7 fighting affects me, along with the stress about the landlord, money, etc. Their response? "Oh, we don't mean it like that, it's not that serious."

We sat in the kitchen for 20 minutes while they pitifully tried to fix the mood. I couldn't stop crying. When I finally said I was leaving, my mom's ultimate line was: "Well, nobody could have known the landlord was coming today."

They completely missed the point. They understood NOTHING.

I drove home crying, feeling like my life was completely ruined and seeing no point in anything anymore.

To top it all off, my ex out of nowhere texted me yesterday evening. After everything that happened during the morning, I completely didn't expect to hear from him. And then he tells me that he's completely drunk and has been drinking beer all day long. This hit me extra hard because he struggled with alcoholism a few years ago, but had been sober for a long time. Seeing him relapse and send me an irresponsible, unprompted text while I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown, having to take sedatives just to stop shaking and sleep, was just the final straw.

When I got home, my mom texted to ask if I made it back safely. When I replied "yes," she simply reacted with a single "👍🏻" emoji. That was it.

I feel utterly exhausted, heartbroken, and completely alone.

I’m a teen still in school, got 2 years left. I grew up watching my parents arguing all the time and I never really knew the reason why even till this day. It just constantly happens and happens out of nowhere. My parents haven’t been on good terms for almost 2 years, they don’t talk to each other. Last month they had an argument which affected me really badly, I was sick, and started getting a panic attack. This has never happened to me before I never reacted to their arguments. I was finally over it when out of nowhere it happened again this week. This time the fight was huge and I’m pretty sure it involved me. It got really bad (I’m not gonna mention what happened) but just know I do not feel safe in my own house. I’ve got no one to talk to, nowhere to go, nothing to do, I’m just a teen, I don’t earn money, I already have a lot of academic pressure, and my family isnt that financially stable. Im afraid everything I’ve been ignoring is finally getting to me mentally and physically, I don’t want it to affect my future, but idk what to do, I’m completely lost, not even my friends know about how I live and what I go through everyday. I wish I could do something for my mom, anything that would help. I had no one to talk to about this so I got Reddit and decided to dump but I know it’s not gonna help either way. How do I cope with is?