How should I handle this situation with my mom?
Even writing this is difficult for me because I’ve never done anything like this before, but right now I really need some outside perspectives and different people’s opinions.
I’m 17, and my mom is a narcissist. Because of the way I grew up, I became a very sensitive and empathetic person who constantly feels guilty. And now I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
My mom recently broke up with her boyfriend, and their relationship was very intense and painful. They had been together for almost a year, and they recently broke up. I found out about it when I came home from work. She told me what had happened and why, and I just kind of froze. I didn’t know how to support her. At the end of her story, I asked if she wanted me to hug her. She said yes, so I hugged her. That was basically the end of the conversation.
For the past few days, I’ve been watching her struggle emotionally, and I feel an insane amount of guilt because I can’t really do anything about it. I’m barely even home when she needs me. I’m either working until late or spending time with my friend, doing random things that I’m honestly very ashamed of (things involving alcohol and other not-so-hard substances), just to escape my thoughts, exhaustion, and the desire to die.
My mom knows nothing about how I’m doing or what I’m doing. Partly because, first of all, she isn’t interested, and secondly, she has never, ever understood me. She has always dismissed and invalidated my feelings and the things I do.
At the same time, there’s geolocation on everyone’s phones in our family, which my mom doesn’t really check anyway… But I’m getting a little off-topic.
Anyway, my mom recently told me that throughout this whole situation, I haven’t supported her even once and that she has been alone within the four walls of our home the entire time. Even though I did support her. I hugged her, listened to her, and was there for her. She just wants me to stay home with her.
I don’t want to stay home because being there makes me feel even worse mentally. And soon I won’t even be able to go out much because my schedule is going to be VERY packed. I’m genuinely just trying to survive.
And I feel terrible because I’m not supporting her, but on the other hand, I’ve always dealt with my own problems by myself. I’ve never put my problems or responsibilities onto someone else.
And if I have a deep conversation with my mom, it will basically turn into me being her therapist, and afterward I’ll feel awful because I’ll end up carrying part of her emotional burden too.
I don’t want to have that conversation with her. I don’t even want to be around her because of how guilty I already feel. But at the same time, she’s my mom… and she does need me.
I could keep going and going, but that would probably be boring as hell to read.
I genuinely don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please help me. What am I supposed to do???