u/Character_Bar2416

i act like i moved on but sometimes i still look for you in everything.

someone says a joke you would’ve laughed at.

a song comes on and suddenly i’m thinking about you again.

it’s annoying honestly.

i know i hurt you.

i know i acted like i didn’t care when i actually cared too much.

and now i gotta live with the fact that i lost someone who genuinely loved me.

i don’t want us back or anything.

i just miss you sometimes.

that’s it.

idk what got into me lately but i genuinely can’t feel comfortable with myself anymore. i’ve become really insecure about the way i look and it’s exhausting.

i’m pretty lean and people always act like that automatically means i should feel lucky, but skinny shaming is real too. people have made comments about my body for years, even my ex used to call me a skeleton. now i mostly wear baggy clothes because i feel uncomfortable in my own body.

being in public has started making me anxious too. sometimes when people look at me i panic. one time i was walking through campus and i noticed people staring at me which made me start shaking. my heartbeat went crazy, i couldn’t breathe properly, and i felt like i was gonna faint. later i found out one of the teachers actually liked my outfit and complimented my dress which honestly shocked me because my brain immediately assumed everyone was judging me negatively.

i’ve tried changing so much about myself hoping i’d finally feel better. skincare, new haircut, coloring my hair, different clothes, jewelry, makeup, eating more, all of it. but no matter what i change, i still don’t feel good enough.

and yeah, i do get attention sometimes and people including girls compliment me, but it just never feels genuine to me. i always end up feeling like they’re only saying it to be nice or because they feel bad for me. no compliment ever really sticks in my head for long, and i still end up obsessing over every flaw i see in myself.

even in my relationship i used to constantly feel inferior. whenever my ex mentioned another girl i’d immediately compare myself and feel scared of being abandoned or replaced.

when i try to talk about it, people assume i’m attention seeking or fishing for compliments, which honestly makes me feel worse.

i think my insecurity has gotten so bad that i genuinely don’t know how to accept myself anymore. the body dysmorphia is exhausting.

i don’t hate you. maybe i should, but i don’t. i still have a soft spot for you, and maybe it'll take me forever to heal from what we had. i miss you, but i don't need you anymore. you knew how insecure i was, how jealous and sensitive and still, you made me feel like i was competing. everything i feared, you proved right. i spent the whole relationship scared of losing you, and then i did. but weirdly, now i’ve got nothing to lose. i just hope you're doing okay. because somehow, i still care.