Brief concert romance 17f and 42m. I don’t know what to do
Before I begin I want to make it clear that I am aware that there’s a huge power imbalance between me, a 17f and a 42m and that he looks kinda bad in this situation. I am aware of the risks but I have come to accept that I have a preference for men that are much older.
I’ve tried dating people my age but it’s never worked and I never reciprocate feelings in the end. I am an only child so I get told I’m mature for my age and I have interests that align more closely with older people such as music and film etc.
Just over 2 months ago I went to a mini festival (2000s indie bands) with my friend (also 17f) close to where we live. We had been drinking whilst we were there but I wouldn’t describe us as drunk at this point.
Before the main band was about to come on stage me and my friend moved further towards the front of the crowd and we had taken some small bottles of alcohol in our bags and we were drinking that. It was straight gin so it obviously made us more drunk.
A man stood behind us started talking to us and asked about how we had got it in and then the conversation turned more general. He was on his own and we asked why and it turned out his friend couldn’t end up going so he came alone but he didn’t mind. We started talking about the bands that had been playing and he told us that there was an after party thing after but it was 18+ so me and my friend couldn’t go. I did tell him I was 18 tho which in hindsight was probably a mistake but I wanted to keep talking to him.
He ended up offering me and my friend some of his beer and we accepted it (I know it was so dangerous to accept it but we were not thinking straight)
The conversation started flowing and we ended up talking about films and books and stuff like that. It turns out we are both massive David Lynch fans and we ended up adding each other on Letterboxd (my friend did too) We also spoke about books and he told me his favourite book was The Master and Margarita. He was really shocked that I had that book and I’d also read Tolstoy and Dostoevsky so we kinda bonded over that.
When the gig started I ended up being pretty drunk, not excessively tho. By the end of it the crowd was pretty rowdy and he was kinda like protecting me and my friend from the moshing. My friend ended up talking to a guy behind us so it was just me and the man when it got to the encore. I was struggling to stand up straight in the crowd and he put his arms around my waist and held me which I really enjoyed.
When the band finished I asked if I could kiss him and we made out for what seemed like a long time for a kiss but I can’t remember the details. Afterwards he was like ‘you’re really good at that’ which I have to admit did make me smile.
My friend and I thanked him for looking after me and he was so nice and I actually ended up hugging him goodbye before my friend pulled me a way so we could leave before the massive crowds.
I forgot to mention that I have had a thing for older men for a while and have craved being in an age gap relationship despite knowing the risks. I cannot help who I’m attracted to. I should also add I do not have ‘daddy issues’. My dad has been present all my life and we have a good relationship.
The next day I could not stop thinking about him. I rarely find people that have similar interests to me and although I was drunk I thought we had a good connection and he was so nice.
He used to live in the same city as me but has since moved 2 hours away.
I ended up adding him on insta after finding it in his Letterboxd bio and he added me back although neither of us has since messaged.
2 months later and I still can’t stop thinking about this connection. I have been battling with the thoughts about messaging him and asking if I could see him again. I know I don’t really have anything to lose but I’m scared of rejection and I’m scared he thought that I was a drunk mess rather than someone cool that he had shared interests with . (I turn 18 in 3 months btw). I know people will say it’s a bad idea to get into an age gap r/s but I’m hoping people on here won’t judge.
If I message him how should I go about it? Additionally I did ask if he was married/dating someone and the answer was a definite no.
I just really can’t stop thinking about him and whether he liked me or not. I don’t really have any other relationship prospects at this moment in time and will be looking for an age gap anyway . I feel like I need an answer but I will be sad if it’s not what I’m hoping for but surely that’s better than nothing?