I hate my life
I am an Indian who graduated in 2024 and got two offers. One from college and another from a company where my sister works. My parents asked me to join the company where my sister works because her growth was amazing. I thought okay, I might have a chance because the company is a smaller one. The problem is that this company is in a different state and they speak a different language — Tamil. Usually, in companies in India, they always say to speak in English to be inclusive of everyone. But this company explicitly speaks Tamil in calls, architecture explanations in Tamil, code explanations in Tamil. I requested them to speak in English for me, and they do that, but for 3 days and then go back to Tamil. After 2 years, now I can somewhat understand Tamil, but there is a huge gap in understanding, knowledge, and everything. Doubts I ask now are already addressed, and now I feel like my senior just gives me small work to do, while he gives proper work to others because he can explain in Tamil, which is easier for them.
The second thing, I always had acne problems. I consulted several dermatologists, but nothing worked. I decided to follow my own routine with my own research. After 1 and a half years, I finally got success, but a few days ago my skin burned and turned red, and I decided to stop. The redness did not reduce, and I went to a doctor and got a diagnosis saying that my skin barrier is damaged and I have to stop everything. The one thing I thought was a success was actually causing more harm to my skin.
The third thing, I worked my ass off to maintain my grades during college. My friend, who has backlogs, got a job twice as good as mine just because she identified as LGBTQ and got through that program. And the best part is her parents are sponsoring her entire tuition fee for studying abroad, and she says to me indirectly, “How can you live like this? My parents don't respect me, and my problems are bigger than yours.” Every single time I talk to her, I get rubbed with the fact that, see, it is easy to get a job. This absolutely pisses me off.
The fourth thing, I have been trying to apply for a new job for the past 6 months, and all I get is “we found a better candidate.” So I decided to contribute to open source. I actually did that. The app I used added a feature and updated the UI. I built my own HomeServer using Cloudflare and Podman, and still I don't get a single interview to see where I am going wrong.